Getting married to a Dominican girl

well, first of all, i cannot believe you find it more expensive to live here than Florida. especially with a farm here. you can expect to try to get a visa a couple of times before succeeding. second, stay here.
tomas.

I've had to go up to Florida several times in the last 2 years. When I grocery shop there, my money goes a lot farther. Lionel was so bad for the economy with the fuel prices and his sin taxes. It drove all the prices up. Danilo doesn't seem any better. Don't get me wrong, I moved here from the USVI and I love the country. Stateside living is a new thing for me. My new daughter will get a better education. My "wife" owns her own land so we will be splitting our time here and up there.
Did you use a lawyer from the states to help with the visa process?

the education in Florida will be far better, but I too find it hard to believe the cost of living is less.  What have you been buying at the grocery store that is costing sooooo much???

texas strip loins at 14. per pound and other imported stuff.

Well that's part of the issue. It is possible to live well and far less expensively here!

Our food costs alone are 40% cheaper here.  THe only thing we pay more for is gas and electric.

Bob K

For the average young Dominican woman goal number 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10...Find a way to get out of the country!!!
Easiest way to do that is fine an older Expat with money!!!!

BobK

It is tough to be in a relationship these days. But add in financial difference, cultural differences,  language differences, educational differences and you get a much much tougher situation.

In order to have a "relationship" here you need to live here, don't begin to think it is possible after a vacation or two.  You need to really live here to understand how things actually are!  If you meet someone, take the time to get to know them, their lives, where and how they live.

I have seen many relationships here that work really well!  But I've seen so so many more that don't make it. Do your homework,  keep your wallet put away until you know what you are getting yourself into. Remember eventually  you have to get out of bed, what will you talk about, how will you live..........

I know an American man who married a Dominican and moved back to florida, it cost him over $8000 just for the process which didn't include a passport and the process took 18 months. a year later he found that if his wife had done the same process while in DR, it would have cost $700 and be done in 4 months. don't know if he was right, I had no reason to do the research

Wow big difference.  Be wary of second hand stories.  Do your research and ask lots and lots of questions.

so I take it that the info may not be correct, do you know anything about this. if so, I can relay it to others, i'm not going to get married, i'm 73, been divorced over 20 years and will never do it again. i'm not against marriage it just takes forever to get to know someone. I was married for 24 years and found my wife to make a very serious decision about disposing of a child. other than that she was a good mother and wife, just couldn't handle the crap I gave her.

I tend to stay away from beans and rice. The first 5 years here I got my fill. I know if I stayed on that diet it'd be cheaper. I really want to stay and my girl is only interested in us being together. She told me when we first met she had no interest in leaving the DR. But after I had to go up to the states for medical reasons that kept us apart she told me she wants us together no matter where we live. For me, the meds I need to take to be able to even walk, make me want to be in the states. Today I blogged under medical care and have asked for help in finding a doc who'll prescribe the morphine I need for my mobility. Years ago a doc gave me a script but only the one time and told me not to return because he didn't like to prescribe controlled substances. The consulate told me that other expats are able to get meds but don't have any names of doctors. If I could get my meds here I'd stay. However, I'm still interested in getting a visa for my girl so I can take her with me whenever and wherever I need or want to go. I do yacht deliveries for example but I also would love her to experience flight and see other parts of the world.

Hmmm !... one day you will understand...Pal!  One day you will want to .. Good luck anyway..SINCERELY.

When it comes to visas and the process I am no expert.  I've not done it but I have heard a lot of stories too!  So, you need to ask a lawyer, try [email protected]  wilson speaks English as he is an American!

As to doctors and meds,  you are a bit isolated in Imbert, I know there are doctors in Santiago and Santo Domingo who can help. Unfortunately it will require monthly visits at least to keep your prescriptions coming.  This is a controlled substance and you will have a tough time with getting a regular source.

Thanks for the info. As it is now my stateside doc wants me in every month as opposed to every 3. This is why I need to make a change. I go to Santiago all the time but POP is much easier. I hope Clinica Brugal might help me.

hello everyone, two months to go until I return to the DR, cant wait, vince

Hello all, I have a fiancé in the DR that im considering marrying. However there are some things I see that seems to be strange and I would like some feedback to what you all may think of the situation. I went back to the DR to spend some time with her, even though we had fun, it was one night to where she went with family to an event that I wasnt invited to. Then another day I didnt get to see her at all because she was with family. Im not too familar with latin culture, but I know that they are family oriented, but something seems strange for me to be the fiance and come back to her country and have that kind of treatment. Am I being judgmental? Or is that normal?

Family here is huge. IF you are the fiancee, and not included in a "family" event then that is a HUGE RED FLAG.

id be very careful, a lot of girls here see gringos as a walking bank machine, good luck

Well, I really hope the engagement ring didn't set you back much.
Family IS everything here!
You not being invited is just another way of saying"see ya later, maybe"!
Be careful chum.

Either see you later chum OR her Dominican husband will be at the family event!  that is common as well.

Thanks for the heads up, and all of your suggestions, believe it or not she wants to get married soon! I do like her, she doesn't ask for money (thank goodness), people always say that we look good together. Im aware of how the women treat gringos here, she seems to do everything right and things like this pop up to where she will ignore me if she is mad (immature) or do things with her family for the whole day. I have told her about the issues, the replies are it will be different next time. It just seems like those red flag things need time to work out before marriage. I dont know how to explain that to her properly, and its good that she doesn't ask for money otherwise I would have gotten rid of her sooner.

@Tomas no the ring did not set me back.

Im trying to come up with a good way to test her before she comes to visit me. I want to marry a good woman, not a immature girl looking for a way out. By the way you guys make good points, thanks again for the quick responses.

Warning signs are just that - you now need to start questioning everything. The next time she is doing something with family and you are not included - just show up!

That she doesn't ask for money doesn't always mean anything. You need to work thru very clearly what you will and won't pay for once married.

Immature behaviour is not unusual either, often never getting better.

Run, Run quickly, Run do not pass go.  This is not a red flag it is a whole red flag color guard.
RUN!!!!!!!!!!

Bob K

I am married to a Dominican woman.  Tell her the truth.  Tell her you want to go to the family events.  Tell her you are offended you were not invited.  Tell her you expect to be included.  Don't be afraid to rock the boat.  You need to find out if the relationship is a Cruise ship or a dingy anyway.  Good luck.

Chihuahua I have been dating a Dominican girl for 2 years now, and there is no family event when I'm town that she does not invite me to, as a matter of fact, If I do not attend, the family views it as an insult, so the whole not inviting you thing, does not pass the smell test. 
     As far as not asking you for money, no need to, whatever she has not asked for all this time, she will get that and more after you are married! If kids become a part of the equation, please get a DNA before you sign any birth certificates.
    As far as testing her, there are two methods.  First one is the nice method, and that is take an extended vacation if possible and don't tell her when you are arriving or leaving, just pop up! 2nd test, not so nice, friend her on one of her social media accounts, pretend to be someone else, and see how far she is willing to go with this new so called admirer! Bob gave you the best advice, Run, Run, Run! Or take a leave of absence and go live in D.R. With her for a while and see who she really is. The folks on this forum have lots of experience, but the only one who knows her is you, we are only going by what you have told us, just to be fair to your fiancee.

Yes thanks again for all your feedback guys, really appreciate it. To be fair they claim it was some event that some members of the family was invited to and she had no control over it. Still seems strange to me but just putting that out there.

@planner yes nothing gets better, I agree. @Bobk, I believe you its a red flag I need to iron out, the only reason why im giving her a chance is because I know some US girls that are worse.
@MGod1,Massagewiz, Thanks for sharing your experience I think those are good ways to test, and Im going to attempt to bring it up in a nice way.

You cannot "iron out" these issues.  If she said she had no control over who was invited, she is LYING TO YOU.  Bull shit  honey.  Dominicans show up at events with entire entourages on a regular basis, it is NORMAL.  NOT including you is NOT NORMAL.  She is  stringing you along.

Bob has it right,  run, run fast, run far............

Well, that's good about the ring!
Now the wedding. They can get very expensive here.
Who's paying???
Good luck!

Hello Chihuahua45,  I was previously married to a Dominican woman and what you are saying is very odd. Dominican families are very warm and welcoming to the proposed partner of a family member. If her intentions were good, she would be very proud to present you to her family. In fact she would be anxious to show off her new American boyfriend. I have found Dominican woman to be very protective of there men and rare that she would leave you alone at any time during your visit.  If she has not presented you to her family, I assume she is up to something. If she is spending days and nights with you, I'd say her family is not very strict, so that would not be the problem. If there are days she cannot spend with you, her having another boyfriend is possibility. What ever the case may be, if she isn't bring you around the family and she gives you time alone...leave her alone.

Oh no, her parents and siblings know who I am, the event was from a aunt of hers that had an event for the weekend. You are right they seem warm and inviting but I always keep my guard up since im a gringo. Her family is nice though. Thanks for sharing

Even more reason you would have been invited, it would be a personal insult not to have been invited. 

Keep us posted on your progress, keep asking questions.

I have been with a Dominican girl for almost three years and in the beginning I was very suspicious of her motives and I was a little paranoid, I listen to what the people on this forum had to say and I got some great advice but giving up now might be a mistake, if you love her just give it some time, don't rush into anything and use your best judgement, in general things have worked out pretty good for me and im sure everything will be fine with you, enjoy the beautiful weather and the beautiful people,  good luck vince

it is really great to hear about relationships that work!  Thanks for posting.

@Frostbite yes, that is what I want to do. I have no intentions of rushing things, but right now it would be a long distance relation since I dont live in the country. She wants marriage real soon but I know she isnt ready. It seems she doesnt want to hear more time, she wants to be with me in the states but I dont know any other way to get her over here. I know that If I go through with it, it can encourage the bad habits. I strongly agree that more time is necessary though, im still working through telling her that wont lead to a battle. LOL, I know dominican girls have short tempers like the latino stereotypes.

@planner thanks for the encouragement I will continue to update.

Don't let her emotional outbursts change how you want things to happen. Now is when she is on her best behaviour and if you have concerns now, take your time to make sure this is real and what you want.

It very simple. If she loves you she will wait, if she's in a hurry it's for a reason. You should know what is her financial situation. Does she have a job, does she have children. Is she independent living alone or with her children, or does she rely on others to support her. Does she have any education more than elementary school. Is her family good financially or are they being supported by a son, daughter, sister or brother. Also you need to know if you are the top priority. If you know where she lives, don't announce when your coming, just show up and see what happens. Mainly, don't worry so much about tell her you need time, it's more important to worry about why she is in such a rush. You don't want to find yourself sending monthly checks to support her family after you are married.

@Darkremy very true, its something Im well aware of, I just cant shake the feeling of feeling bad telling this to her now, I know its something that needs to be done though. I dont think she likes the idea of long distance relationship and thats why she trying to close in on.

Not likely,  she likely wants to get to the USA. One way to find out more is to tell her you are taking a leave or absence from work and are moving here to live with her. 

See how that goes.