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about to marry a jordanian man...

hi, i am american, and i would love to hear womans opinion on weather or not it is a good idea to move from america to amman jordan.
ive heard many diffrent things, good and bad. but if any one else is in this situation, please email me, would love to chat.

Hi and welcome on the forum zooish!

I hope other members will advise you soon ;)

Regards
Armand

bro i moved from America to Jordan and trust me you will hate it...i moved back with in 1 month..people that are used to America will not have fun here..I've tried it and it didn't turn out very good.

I am also American and have been to Amman Once and loved it I  could totally see myself living there with my Jordanian husband and family. It is laid back and an easy life if you have the financial means to do so.

It's pretty high density living, both inside the house and out. You don't get a lot of privacy. And learning the language helps a lot. Though, having said that, being able to shrug and say "I don't understand" when people get agitated, even if you actually do understand, has its advantages :-)

The poorer the family, I would say the greater the stress. If you are marrying into a reasonably well off family, who can afford, say, a maid to help clean the house, and own cars so it's no problem to drive everywhere you need to go, I would think you could have quite a nice life in a place like Amman. If, on the other hand, your family doesn't have enough food or water, and stays one family to a room, or two families to a room when you come and visit, - let me put it to you this way, high density living takes a bit of getting used to. Not just the lack of space but also the noise.

If you are in a family which has enough money for essentials than this probably won't apply, however much they proclaim themselves as poor (it being fashionable in some circles in Jordan to claim you are poor when you are not) But in a family where there is food and water insecurity you can come under pressure. Take working. I'm a practical person - if there's not enough money and one has the opportunity to work (teaching English, accounting, tutoring, nursing, whatever) then surely it makes sense to work? After all the family need the money. That's what would happen in Britain - if the man for whatever reason can't get work and the woman can, then she supports the family. Probably it's similar in the States.

One the one hand, you are an extra mouth to feed in a family which doesn't have enough for their own, so over time people are under pressure because they have to give up some of their meagre rations for you. On the other hand, if you go to work, it's a question of honour. Decent women in Muslim conservative families don't go out to work. And then the next thing will be that one of the men in the family will go and try to get work which their mothers won't want them to do, like standing on street corners in the dawn to try to get day labourer work on construction sites, which have quite poor safety records. On those kinds of days, when there is really no choice but to try to get the worst jobs, the whole household will be tense and on edge.

oh thank you for the response, he is very wealthy. so i think it will be okay.

I'm an Aussie married to a Jordanian man.  Lived there for over a year with my husband, but this was about 6 years ago.  I have to admit as much as I loved my time there, there were frustrations.  I didn't work so I got pretty bored and I think that was my main problem. 
Next time around I would want to work and would make sure I had my own car to get around in. 
I hope to move back there again one day and think I would handle it so much better now I am a little older and wiser ;-)

Hi,

i agree it is not easy to live in Jordan, even if you are Jordanian. Anyways, I am inviting all to a gathering on Sunday. I speak Arabic as a native speaker and would like to give tutoring to beginners. (moderated: off topic + use the classifieds)
I wish u a great stay in Jordan

I use to be married to Jordanian, it was he'll!!! The best think I did is devorce!!! Please contact me if you want us to talk, and do not got from USA to Jordan!!! You will hate it! Write me if you wanna know the ditties .

You will not hate Jordan, its all in how you look at things. Some are ok with adventure and trying new things and others hate everything that is not what they are used to. If he has money then you will be fine there. The poorer the family the more strict and closed minded they are. If they are rich and love to do fun things and go places you'll have a blast. Amman is not that bad if you live in the west. Get a car, go shopping, meet people and have a good time.

Marhaba,
It's quite a coincidence that I find your question in my inbox today. For the past week, I have wanted to write about the subject you are asking about, but have not as I did not want to complain about my life. However, concidering I have not visited expat.com for many months, and today open it to find your question at the top of the list, I will give you my opinion.
As I think where to begin, I guess it would be by asking about you, as you are the only person, I feel that will make or break the situation. Let me explain by asking you some very important questions, and then I will explain why they are so relivant. It is important to be VERY honest when answering them.
How independent are you? Are you a free-thinker or do you usually go along with everyone else? Are you a strong-minded woman? Do you value equality and freedom for all?  Are you submissive and subservient? Are you a working woman or more of a housewife? Do you want children? If yes, how do you plan on raising your children? Think about both the male and the female. Are they equal? Do you love animals? Do you like fighting or peace?
You might be wondering why I did not ask any questions about the man you want to marry. This is because, in my opinion, it really does not matter how he is in America because once he is in Jordan, he will change. Not because he wants to, not because he agrees to the way he will change, but because he is a Muslim man and will be STRONGLY influenced by tradition, his family and his village. I don't care how free, independent and cool he is now, there is a 95% chance that will be thrown out the door due to peer pressure by other males.
Let me give you a brief rundown of where I am basing my opinion on. I met my husband in another foreign country. We were young, free and fell in love. Despite the objections of EVERY one of my friends, I chose to marry him, even after moving to Jordan for a year and living in his village why we waited for his visa to America. My husband considered himself not a true Jordanian. He said he had always felt as if he didn't belong in Jordan. He was a rebel growing up. By this I mean he didn't conform. He had long hair, wore shorts and rode a motorcycle (all of these things were very bad, when he grew up). He was quite independent and did not really buy into the rules. I would say that this is what made me think that the man I was marrying was different, but not so.
Although he may have been different that most, he was still raised with the values that men are stronger and can do whatever they want, and women are weaker and do not have the same rights as men. I would have never realized this in the beginning. But after we were married and lived in California, situations began to pop up.
For example; despite the fact that I was raised with a swimming pool in my backyard and lived in San Diego one block from the ocean for 10 years, he would not allow me to wear a bathing suit. So, basically unless I wanted a MAJOR fight, I had to give up swimming, of which I did. I made all kinds of exceptions in my mind thinking, "oh well, it's ok, now I don't need to get a tan which will lead to wrinkles when I am older, because Jordanian men love white skinned women." But, I must say, I miss swimming, surfing and scuba diving. A Muslim man will not stand for his wife to be seen by ANY other men in a bathing suit. To them, it is as bad as you walking naked down the street looking for sex. That's how they see it. I have not met ONE who allows their wife to wear a bathing suit. It is not because of the husband, but because of what all the other men say and think. This is putting your man in a bad place as he will defend your honor getting into verbal and physical assaults, depending on the situation. So, basically it is just asking for trouble.
Once you are married, kiss off having ANY male friends, or being able to freely talk with a male stranger, as again, they see this as soliciting yourself for sex. In Jordan, they actually believe this. If you look at or talk to a man other than one of his family members, the man and everyone else will assume that you are looking for some "action." It is CRAZY!!! But, it is true. So if you are  a friendly, outgoing person who is used to smiling and chatting with people as you interact with them, be prepared to give it all up. It is VERY difficult, and VERY lonely. But if you do not, you will have BIG problems…like being riducled and yelled at in the street by your husband.  It's not that he wants to do this, but HE MUST. Why? Because all the other men will be looking at him, giving him the eye that he is not in CONTROL of his woman. Other men will assume that by you speaking to them you WANT them. This will drive your husband crazy which will again, either lead to a fight with the man and/or a fight with you, most likely both.
I just had an incident last week when I was perfume shopping. We were in Amman, in a tourist area and I had smelled about 20 perfumes. The perfume guy handed me another scent to smell, and I went to smell it, and laughed (with a smile and a laugh) and said to him, "I am sorry, I cannot smell anymore, my nose is no longer working," My husband was furious!! Why? Because I laughed a smiled at the guy, of which is considered flirting…I know, absolutely ridiculous!! We had been there for almost a half-an-hour interacting, but as soon as I showed emotion, that was IT!!! Oh, and did I mention, I have been married for 14 YEARS!!! And 12 of them were living in California!!! And this is what I get….still???
So, if you are an emotionless person who never smiles or talks, this place will be right up your alley. But if you are friendly, personable and charming, you will be in BIG TROUBLE and I am sure VERY LONELY…as am I. I feel as if have lost myself. I have one friend who lives 5 hours away of which I met on this website, but I have only personally met her once. So, basically I have no friends of which is VERY hard for me as I am a people person and made friends wherever I went. And her story, is remarkably the same, despite the fact that we were raised on opposite sides of the US, she is Muslim and we are very different, yet both very strong-minded and independent.
If you live in his village, it could be VERY challenging, unless you like being alone without him, as he will be taken away from you most of the day and the night for a variety of reasons. Family problems…there is ALWAYS a problem, because the families are so huge, so someone is always needed assistance or advice. A wedding (they last three days and he will be there all three days (with the men, and you with the women). Funerals, someone dies at least 1 time a week and as much as 3 times a week. Funerals are for three days also, and are also segregated. Visits…for the first 3 to 6 months (no exaggeration) he will have visitors that will come by to say congratulations to him and the women to you. Visits are without notice and last anywhere from 2-4 hours person/group, which are also, segregated. You will NEVER meet his friends, and they come BEFORE you ALWAYS, for it is rude to dismiss them…he can never say, "Well, thanks for stopping by, but it's dinnertime and I need to get back to my wife." That will NEVER happen, as Jordanians are known for their hospitality and guests can stay as long as they like. YOU will be in charge of making them tea, coffee, soda (all three for every visit) and fruit, cookies, food, etc.  I hope he has money, because I still have not figured out how any man can have a job in the village with all this visiting and praying (don't forget 5 times a day). You will hardly see your husband which can be very lonely, especially for a foreigner and doubly if you do not speak Arabic.
Also, decision making will most likely not be mutual anymore. What the man says goes and if you do not agree, too bad. If he considers your opinion, or objections to something, for example, giving the family money (of which they always ask for, especially if you have been living in America, as they believe money grows on trees there (really!!) or if you ask him to stay home with you one night rather than attend another wedding…the "guys" will accuse him of being weak and ruled by his woman…which is VERY BAD! So suddenly, you will axed out of the decisions because most likely you will be opposed to them, so he will start to make them without talking to you, which will create separation and inequality…amongst many other strong feelings, of which you must suppress…tears don't work, they are just another reason to get mad. It is his conscience at work, I feel. I think they know that they are hurting you, but can't give into peer pressure and the male ego, so they will just get mad. If you fight, they will yell louder, because they are STRONGER…so you lose every time. And everyone will be listening and so he must have the last say!
If you feel the picture I am painting is just terrible, I am so sorry. I am an optimist, a romantic and I always think that positive thinking will help any situation, however, after 14 years of marriage and living in Jordan now for two years, I am BROKEN. I cry every day. I live in Aqaba, 5 hours away from his family, just to have freedom. What freedom? I have been in Aqaba now 8 months, I have never been "out" like on a date…I have been to the beach TWICE. It hasn't changed a bit. I cannot leave the house by myself…many times my soul has just wanted to run away, and go sit at the beach and cry, but I cannot, because if a woman is alone, yep, you guessed it, she is looking for sex.
Ok, and remember, if you are in the village you must be covered,  standard is pants, skirt, long sleeves and headdress…no neckline exposed, so no "v-necks"…even in the summer when it is over 100 degrees…oh, and most likely no A/C, if there is, then the men will be in it. Women are usually in the smallest, hottest room, with windows closed so that no "men" can see them. This is also the case for me here, even though tourists walk around in shorts and tank tops…it's because I am married to a Jordanian, so I am expected to conform or else it is assumed my husband does not have control of me.
The women cook, clean and serve while the men sit around being served, smoking and visiting day and night. Only men go "out" to the mosque, women stay at home to pray.
If you have a daughter, she will have freedom until she is about 9 or 10, then she will be in the home, and always covered, even from cousins, as they could end up married one day.
Hopefully you don't enjoy dancing, because you are not allowed. Only prostitutes dance. This is yet another, very difficult thing for me to accept as I loved dancing and going to concerts…women are not really allowed at concerts…that is for the "man", along with movies, coffee shops, (although in the cities women are going into coffee shops more now., but there are many they are not allowed to go to.) And NEVER in the village. Even dancing amongst the women at weddings is not allowed UNLESS the man whom is getting married is a close relative, basically the brother of the groom, because it is not allowed for the groom who is not in your family to see you dance (he is present in the final day of the celebration). You can dance if it's only women, but it's usually very hot and just not the same as in America.
So, those are a bunch of negatives…why did I begin with those? Because they ARE SO IMPORTANT to your spirit. Those are those things you will most likely have to GIVE UP. And I have found it very hard…like I mentioned earlier, to the point where I have cried every day this week…I think it's just hitting me as I haven't been out of the house for so long, my spirit is down.
Women do not shop for food. One way to look at it in a positive way is you aren't bothered with it, however, after a while, it can be a bummer. Sometimes it is good to get out of the house and choose what you want, not having to rely upon who is handed down your shopping list, as it is a hierarchy thing here. You will ask your husband, who will ask a brother younger than him, and he will ask one younger than him, until the list falls into the hands of the poor ten year old who has been deemed the shopping guy. Hopefully he knows how to choose ripe vegetables…sometimes, this little guy will be shopping for hours on foot as they don't (in the villages) have a supermarket, but many little markets. So, he will be running around everywhere, and when he returns someone will send him again. It is actually a theory of mine through careful observation of my family as to why girls get better grades than boys…because the boys are always shopping!! I have actually seen a mother wake up a 13 year old child who had just gotten back from shopping at 10 pm, to go out again on a school night!! It is sad…as most of the girls in my family make it into University, only to graduate, get married and have a baby, usually nine months to the day (sex talk is not the norm, and in my opinion should be!!)…while the guys who now must provide for their family don't have a degree, which means they have few choices, military, police or labor, oh…or like working in a bank, etc, never to be the manager, because they don't have a diploma and are paid just enough to feed their family and get to work…this area needs to be seriously addressed!!
Now, I am sure I will have people responding to this and they will tell you in Amman it is different. I do not live in Amman, so I cannot comment on this. I have spoken to a friend of my husband's about many of these things. He was raised in the US a bit, and so speaks English, and I have had the privilege of having him over for dinner. HOWEVER, he has been married twice, once to a Jordanian, and it ended in divorce, second to a Ukranian woman, who I have met, and she cried to me all night about how she could not cope with the fact that her husband had a mistress and had hidden her passport so she couldn't go back home…I have also actually met his mistress (of which she think she is divorced, but it is not true)…she is also from Ukraine…the guy just flies them back and forth from Ukraine and believe it or not cheats on BOTH of them.
I am not sure what decision I would have made if I had been given this inside scoop of my future with a Jordanian man. I was madly in love and was wearing rose-colored glasses. Most likely, I would have married him anyway thinking I could change him, that our love was strong enough to endure this, and that it could never happen to me. But, it is not about that. You are up against his upbringing, STRONG tradition and the entire belief system of the people of Jordan. It s normal for the women, they do not question any of this (most)…actually I have not met any, but I don't speak Arabic well enough t actually get personal with anyone to get the inside scoop. I do have some nieces who speak English, none are married, but they have invited me somewhere, and said, "after you ask my uncle"…I would reply, "well, I am telling you, I'd love to come." And they said, again., "we will wait til after you ask my uncle (my husband who was out of the country at that time." I replied, "I do not need his permission, he supports me, I make my own decisions." And STILL, they said, "we will wait until you ask." So….it is the norm! My sister-in-law who is 47 years old had to get written permission to travel with a group of women on a field trip with her sisters to the Dead Sea because she is not married and will never be. Her fate is that she must stay t home and take cre of her parents as they grow old…so, she will never have children (so heart-breaking!!)!!
So, there you go, this is my inside look into the life in Jordan. Whatever you decide to do, I would strongly advise getting married in the US. Just in case….I got married here, and under Islamic law, the man gets everything…(google it)…which means if I were to throw in the towel I stand to lose it all….after enduring sadness for 14 years, sending over 100k to his family, I lose our kids (a good chance) or they will remain in Jordan as you need permission from the husband to leave the country…and our house and land. Everything goes to him!
So maybe you are asking, why am I here???? There are other WONDRERFUL things…his family is beautiful…as people, they are soooo nice and have embraced me. I love them VERY much, as much as my own…the closeness of the family, the unity, the organic food…they are very healthy and fruit, vegetables, meat, bread, milk, yogurt, etc are fresh…that day!! No preservatives, no MONSANTO. They are simple, not very materialistic…although I have been told they are somewhat, as you are up on the pedestal if you have wealth…but I feel they are humble. I love the women…and all of the men in my family seem very nice (remember, I play by the rules).
Jordanian people are very friendly and welcoming…coffee is served while shopping for furniture, opening a bank account; Americans are HIGHLY respected (don't buy into the lies  the US media portrays about Middle Eastern people, it s simply not true….many of them don't even watch the news and have no idea what is going on daily in Israel, Palestine, Iraq or Afganistan…however, the Palestinian/Jewish issue is definitely strong, it's been going on forever, so they really don't pay attention to any of that). They really love us (Americans)….being a tourist is great….it's just being the wife of a Jordanian, that things get a bit sticky. You will have plenty of time for soul searching…you can lose your identity hopefully to appreciate what you had and to reclaim who you are. You can have a positive influence as many are eager to talk to you…but, you must be ok with trash…another thing I have a very hard time with…EVERYONE throws trash, everywhere. As I mentioned, I live in Aqaba, what I would say is the cleanest city in Jordan, however, the beaches are littered with millions of cigarette butts and trash…broken glass in the water, boards with nails…all while the people sit on the beach enjoying the view as their little ones frolic through the debris. They picnic a lot, but leave EVERYTHING behind, even if there is a trash can 2 feet in front of them.
The majority of Jordanians believe cats and dogs are dirty and dangerous and are seriously neglected…they are left to fend for themselves feeding out of dumpsters, covered in ringworm and dodging rocks. I have seen dozens of times children and teenagers throwing rocks at them. It is heartbreaking for me. However, I feel I can make difference and am doing what I can to raise awareness…although every organization I have written to offering my FREE help has been ignored. I have offered to assist in animal awareness programs, environmental and even to help spruce up schools by installing playgrounds and painting murals…so far I haven't even gotten a reply. So, it's rough. I have started my own company and will seek to raise awareness on my own
Keep in mind….there are always exceptions, but this is the general view from my point of view. I think that time will change things…the internet is helping A LOT!!! And soon the youth of this world will grow up, and the traditional will die…only then will change happen, but there is hope. So ask yourself, "What do I want? What I am I willing to give up?" It really only comes down to you. If you are simple minded, flexible and submissive, YOU WILL LOVE IT!! There are many things to love…oh…you will never get a ticket from the police, they hardly ever stop women, and when they do and you hand them your American driver's license they say, "Welcome to Jordan," and wave you off!! I love that!
And after all that I have said, and have endured, my husband still loves me, and I him. We have been threw the ringer 100,000 times. It has NOT been easy, that's for sure!! But, how many marriages are. My husband wants to move back to the US….I am giving Jordan more time. I feel there is a reason I am here. Maybe it is to spread awareness about some of the issues I mentioned, maybe it is to lose myself and find myself again. It is definitely an experience. I have plenty to write bout, that's for sure. I know that I do have a positive influence on my nieces…which is very nice for me. They are the future of Jordan, they are the ones who will fight for equality, so if I am making a positive impact on them, I am sooo happy. However, bottom line, I am giving it one more year and if nothing changes I will give away everything I own to those who are in need and return to the States empty-handed, but FREE-----FREE AT LAST!!!"
Good luck with whatever you decide....

I haven't actually been to Amman, but I know Canadians who went there for an internship and stayed.
I think it has a lot to do with where you are from (which state, for example), what kind of lifestyle you are used to and what kind of lifestyle you are willing to live, and of course if you marry a wealthy man, anywhere, it will be much easier...just sayin'
;-)

I say, go for it! Life is short!
You can always go back if things don't work out. Moving to Jordan doesn't mean you have to give up your American citizenship.

While it's true to say men in Jordan usually don't defer to their wives, or even consult them on most things - they just go ahead and make whatever decisions are necessary - their mothers are a different story. By the time the wife becomes a mother of several sons and then the grandmother of a (it seems to me sometimes) whole tribe, she has immense status.

My feeling was that the women had more control than was at first apparent. They, for instance, control practically everything to do with the children. So the children grow up with her opinions firmly manifest in their minds. And this shows throughout their lives, i.e. always deferring to their mothers. I rarely saw an exception to this, by males or females. If mum wants to go visiting, there is usually no shortage of sons wanting to chaperone her and get her to wherever she is going.

When it comes to things like going to the market, usually, in my experience, the women don't go. But not because they can't go. The usual reason I heard was that the market was dirty, and anyway, why interact with strangers if you don't have to. I was in a shop once, and the shop keeper spoke directly to me. I looked away and didn't answer. The brother who was with me spoke to him in Arabic, something that translated roughly as: "How dare you address my sister directly!" The guy apologised profusely. Within two days that story was all over the street. The guy's father came to apologise to my father in law. I thought the whole episode bizarre.

My impression of the Middle East , and not just Jordan, is that the male's role was to make children, earn money and see to all the things in the outside world that needs seeing to. So men, for example, would do things like going to the bank, paying the bills, doing the market shopping, - all boring, tedious stuff, to my mind. The houses seemed to be a sanctuary, but for women, not men. It's like the men came to a front room, the formal part of a house, and thereafter every house may as well have had signs up saying "Women only. Men Not Invited". I'd hate to be a man in that society. No wonder they all smoke like chimneys. Too much to do and too much responsibility.

We would go visiting. I would be taken on a tour, of the whole house. Usually, unless they were very close relatives, my husband didn't venture beyond the first room. My husband is officially the only person, in an extended family of over a thousand people - (you get to meet them all at weddings and funerals!) who has attended the birth of his children. Wierdly, this gave him some status!

to marry a muslim jordanian or any muslim, in particular, in an islamic country would mean being at their disposal according to their laws. any female to marry a muslim in jordan loses her rights she still enjoys in the western world in full. though separate marriage contracts exist in jordan the law should be able to overrule such marriage contracts if the husband would insist on this. first, children will have to take on the islamic belief by birth if the father is muslim. second, the wife might not be allowed to leave the country and/or work if her husband refuses so. a woman married to a jordanian may lead a 'normal' life though. no matter if american or not - being linked to a muslim family might mean one is not allowed to leave jordan. (some american women are locked up in saudi arabia as they married the 'wrong' saudi guy.) everything is decided pretty much by the family of the husband in worst case scenarios and/or in frequent cases. third, divorces still possible or made possible in jordan not a long time ago can be revoked by any new laws any time from now and any item or financial gifts the wife received by her husband, the wife is supposed to return it if she wants to be able to divorce her husband. and so forth, the list is endless and not to forget numerous women who had their children kidnapped by muslim husbands surely exceed the number of western husbands who ever did so. then it is not difficult at all for the muslim (christian) husband in jordan to divorce his wife while the muslim husband is allowed to marry another three wifes though still being married to his first wife. on the other hand, everything can work out just fine but note the law in jordan provides little to none safeguarding of those rights western women enjoy in western countries. another thing to know about the middle east means to live in countries with people with very radical and completely different point of views sometimes - point of views we are not used to or we might oppose - also in terms of their religion embracing any aspect of their lives. this according to surveys being conducted most recently.

Welcome and let me say congrats to you.
I am Australian and married a Jordanian
I do love living in Jordan, the ppl are nice and it is a good place to live and raise my daughter.I do get lonely sometimes I think i have become an intovert since i came here
I dont miss living in Australia any more,Im happy just to go there for holidays.The country i miss is Dubai i had more of a social life when we lived there.

starseed :

to marry a muslim jordanian or any muslim, in particular, in an islamic country would mean being at their disposal according to their laws. any female to marry a muslim in jordan loses her rights she still enjoys in the western world in full. though separate marriage contracts exist in jordan the law should be able to overrule such marriage contracts if the husband would insist on this. first, children will have to take on the islamic belief by birth if the father is muslim. second, the wife might not be allowed to leave the country and/or work if her husband refuses so. a woman married to a jordanian may lead a 'normal' life though. no matter if american or not - being linked to a muslim family might mean one is not allowed to leave jordan. (some american women are locked up in saudi arabia as they married the 'wrong' saudi guy.) everything is decided pretty much by the family of the husband in worst case scenarios and/or in frequent cases. third, divorces still possible or made possible in jordan not a long time ago can be revoked by any new laws any time from now and any item or financial gifts the wife received by her husband, the wife is supposed to return it if she wants to be able to divorce her husband. and so forth, the list is endless and not to forget numerous women who had their children kidnapped by muslim husbands surely exceed the number of western husbands who ever did so. then it is not difficult at all for the muslim (christian) husband in jordan to divorce his wife while the muslim husband is allowed to marry another three wifes though still being married to his first wife. on the other hand, everything can work out just fine but note the law in jordan provides little to none safeguarding of those rights western women enjoy in western countries. another thing to know about the middle east means to live in countries with people with very radical and completely different point of views sometimes - point of views we are not used to or we might oppose - also in terms of their religion embracing any aspect of their lives. this according to surveys being conducted most recently.

First of all we are not here to discuss religion issues!. I was born and raised in Jordan and been there for more than 22 years!
I am sorry to say that you do not know Jordan very well. Muslims are allowed to marry 4 but it is very rare to see that Muslims are married to 2, 3 or even 4 !
It seems that you have not involved with people there as if you invovled with them you will know their culture better than reading what people say and communicate it here.

Life in Jordan is lovely but difficult especially if you do not have good salary to live there. Last but not least, If you involved with Muslims you would not criticise them !. I live in the Uk now for studying purposes and I meet Christian people and know their culture so no need to criticise them. Respect is everything even if you do not like whatever you are experiencing.
I wish you all a nice and happy life wherever you are.
All the best!

to the person who replied to starseed..why are you so bitter?...if the words starseed wrote struck you in such a way to attack, then there must be something in the statement you need to look at...otherwise it wouldn't bother you...you know..if you are skinny and someone walks up to you and calls you fat...do you get mad and defend how skinny you are? no, you just look at them and wonder why they would say that..it is not true from your perspective...so you let it go...apply that to what starseed wrote..why did it offend you so?

also, maybe you have a different experience...maybe you're lucky and you don't know anyone like she mentioned...but from starseed's experience and perspective, this is what they have observed. What he wrote about the laws is correct, from the research i have done... and if you haven't heard about men marrying other wives...maybe you can ask around...i personally know a man with two wives...he lied to both about each other, until the younger one was carrying his baby...then he brought her home...both women had to deal with it...and they did...very, very strong women, as are all the women i have met here...and on top of it...he's cheating on both of them...as is the "norm" here i am learning..not that i ever wanted to know...maybe the men should worry a bit more about themselves being "haram" rather than enforcing it on the women by dictating and controlling them, mentally, emotionally and physically......is it right that a 50 year old woman has to ask permission from her brother to go with her sisters on a day trip to the dead sea?

what starseed wrote..why did it offend you so?

As I mentioned before. we are not here to criticise any religion. Yes Islam allows us to marry 4 but there are lots of reasons for allowing us to do that and we are not here to discuss these things!.

The second thing, If you know someone who cheats his wife or married two then you should think in another way. There is something we say it in Jordan: Not all of your fingers are the same. This means not all Muslims do that!.

If that a tradition or ''Norm'' as you mentioned then why your husband did not marry 2, 3 or 4?
No need to answer that question but this could help you understanding my point.

I am not attacking her or anyone else. In contrast, I am here to give help and advice to expatriates here even I am not in Jordan now but it is a duty for us to help expatriates and this is the Norm!

is it right that a 50 year old woman has to ask permission from her brother to go with her sisters on a day trip to the dead sea?
Of course it is right, as we take care of each other and it is a religious duty to make sure that our family, wife etc.. are safe. In all societies the woman is weaker than men in terms of laws. Some countries have given better treatment and laws to women but even that they still weak. In addition, Women in any society are Susceptible to rape. SO to mitigate this and make sure that she is safe we should know where is she going.

I do not have to prove that by giving you surveys who things going in the USA, UK and other countries about this thing as you know that better than me.

Finally, I would like to welcome all of you to be here in Jordan! and I hope you enjoy your life there. I am always here to help not attacking people!. Having said that, not all of us are angels!. We are like any other country some of us are good and some are not. Do no judge people taking the vast minority instead of the vast majority!. Jordan is still a developing country and you can not make it on the top within days or months.

I wish you all a happy and nice life

the topic of this thread was '...about to marry a jordanian man' which allows educated people to discuss this subject in ***all*** its aspects including legal aspects covering in this context permission to marry more than one wife which is not happening in most cases. in general polygamy is not illegal and might take married women by surprise if it is happening. my post definitely serves as a warning and to give out directions as it is better to be safe than sorry. if anybody here believes this is disturbing or offensive then it is better for this person to leave this forum to go back to where free discussions are not allowed. point of views in this thread don't have to be personal point of views but should cover information helping people to understand jordanian way of life in all its facets.

lo.123 :

is it right that a 50 year old woman has to ask permission from her brother to go with her sisters on a day trip to the dead sea?
Of course it is right, as we take care of each other and it is a religious duty to make sure that our family, wife etc.. are safe. In all societies the woman is weaker than men in terms of laws. Some countries have given better treatment and laws to women but even that they still weak. In addition, Women in any society are Susceptible to rape. SO to mitigate this and make sure that she is safe we should know where is she going.

I do not have to prove that by giving you surveys who things going in the USA, UK and other countries about this thing as you know that better than me.

Finally, I would like to welcome all of you to be here in Jordan! and I hope you enjoy your life there. I am always here to help not attacking people!. Having said that, not all of us are angels!. We are like any other country some of us are good and some are not. Do no judge people taking the vast minority instead of the vast majority!. Jordan is still a developing country and you can not make it on the top within days or months.

I wish you all a happy and nice life

The difference in the west compared to Jordan is we would not be asking our husbands or brother's permission - we would be inviting them to come with us.

And if you are a guy I can't expect you to understand, but having your husband take a second wife, especially when they expect you to live under the same roof as her, is no fun at all. It's like being divorced with none of the advantages of being divorced, from what I saw of the wives in that position that I met in Jordan. While I don't know of any western women in that position - yet, I do think it is something to take into account, even if you are feeling all doey eyed and madly in love. Not just that; marriages that work quite well in the west, when there is just your little family, you, husband and your children, don't always "translate" well into Middle Eastern society, where you are an outsider/foreigner/second class citizen no matter how much the family try to integrate you.

Hello there here im Shary jasmine from east Malaysia n i have a problem about the Jordan men,because i have date in internet with the jordan men ofc he is not a scammers because we always skype n talk about live,he is a widow n without kid according for what information that i get from him,he told me everything about his job n he have a commpany by his own,n because he read about me in my dating site profile n he interested n he add me,we have chat there almost for 4months now,n he told me that he will come n visit me on this march,im not sure to,He 51yrs n im 48yrs n he give a promise that he want to marry me when he come to visit me,but should i just keep on with him?n can we trust a jordan men? n are there sure that they just married asian women just to be a maid when come to they country?N are they all Jordan is arrogant?:( n i hope pls help me to solve this

well, people are people and independently from gender, race, and religious affiliation people can be sincere and trustworthy or they aren't. 4 months is a very, very short time to date anybody, in particular, online. even two years is a very short time. the benefit for muslim men is that they can divorce very easily and/or it happened before some arranged for a fake wedding with fake imam. on the other hand, if any couple whereas the husband is muslim gets divorced the judge is only interested in what the wife would have to return which is all that she would have received from her husband. then there is that great feature that a male muslim is free to marry four wives except from some exceptional countries to which libya and tunisia  b e l o n g e d  to. kids are forced to become muslims under the islamic jurisdiction so the advantages - if at all - are clearly for the male who happens to be muslim though also males might not see all this as a benefit being hold unaccountable for their rest of their lives. any quick marriage without any plan being very well prepared will go most likely wrong. nowadays people get married rather for the sake of financial benefits - may it be the western passport or any business deals being acquired in another country - than for love. perhaps for both things with the result to realize all the intolerable flaws of the counterpart. did you see pictures of his family? will his family disagree with a marriage between you and him - in the case it comes to it at all - for the rest of your life or your marriage will be the first fairy tale whatsoever? is he planning to go on a business trip to your country and you might offer him free board and lodging to help him to achieve his plans? next question goes beyond any race and religion again. are you quickly satisfied with little or with only the best of the best?

To Shary~ Although I have lived all over the world, I have never visited Malaysia. Being a westerner, I would advise western women to be cautious when making such a lifelong commitment. Many, Arab men (in my experience) are expected to "control" their women, keep them in line, which to me, is absolutely absurd. Getting yelled at in public because I laughed or smiled is just wrong. Being forced to suppress natural joy and emotion because the other men might think I want something from them, is crazy. So far it has brought nothing but sadness to my life...and I have spent the past two years questioning my identity for the first time since I began forming it at 7 years old. Once a confident individual who has always been respectful of other cultures, now I am often afraid that my natural personality might accidently slip out and I will be yelled at. I have never in my life experienced this...and my husband lived in America for 15 years!! However, as I said, the pressure from his peers is so strong he has changed.

So for you, Shary, it really depends on how life is in Malayasia. Are you Muslim? If you are, this might be the norm for you and then you could have a great marriage. I have observed most Muslim women are quiet and not so extroverted when in public. But if you are independent and outgoing you might have a tough time.

There are many many lovely men here, as long as you can play the role they expect...I personally would not worry about danger, Jordan seems like one of, if not the safest country I have ever lived in. However, I have also experienced a lot of decet. Be cautious...definatly meet him and spend as much time with him as you can. I know several women from Ukraine and Indonesia that have blindly married(as in arranged or met over the internet)  and are happy, as the situation in their country was not too good. Most men here take great responsibilty in providing for their families...much more than you find in the west, that's for sure!!! Good luck...follow you're heart and Divine guidance and I'm sure you will make the right decision.

Dearest n warm regard from to you Aqaba,thank you so much your answering my question, at least it can release my question every time i skype with him n i dont want to feel so guilty in front of him when we chat.But i still worried now about him that he has not much time to skype with me because he is busy to clear everything there n probaly on this march inshaallah he will come n visit me here for 3 month mayb from there i try to know about his attitude,because according to him he is a modern arab,but he told me earlier that he is jealous men,but for me it ok if he had a type of jealous it is normal for a men,and anyway i still want see what is going on after this,im not worried now since i join this Expat.com n here has alot of people will help me,any thanks to this blog n all the member here.:):)

helloo all!!!

I'd like to intrfere in ur discussion and talk from my point of view about the marriage from foriegns.

first i like to take off the discussion from the religions issues.since as i believed that all religions unite in a lot of things and not in little,and also the real issue we face the cultures differences between the west and the east,i wont talk which one is better since as arabian i see that our culture is the best and american think that their culture are much free and the best.

btw i knew one jordanian girl love an american guy ( pure american not arabian has american nationality) n she engaged with him now and also for your information maybe more than 15% of jordanians are christians.

we have our traditions and we like them...so i agree u should first study the arabic traditions before u decide to get married with arabians...also for me if i decide to get married with an american girl....i'll ask myself if i'll be able to accept her traditions..swim suit...hard drinks...ex-boyfriend...her family...how my childs will bring up...my childs religion and thoughts...all these fears will come to my mind.

btw in my visit to US i have been with one maybe of the best girls i ever known and she is religious and believe too much in her religion..so i was calling her jesus doughter :D i told u that since some arabic men have also very bad impressions about the girls from US and i try to change the american girls image in their minds..they think only she care about sex and enjoyment..un-ambitious girls...dont believe in the god...we need to discuss more n more n the media should play a good role in this matter.

best wishes for u all...belive in ur love n think much before any big change

shary :

Dearest n warm regard from to you Aqaba,thank you so much your answering my question, at least it can release my question every time i skype with him n i dont want to feel so guilty in front of him when we chat.But i still worried now about him that he has not much time to skype with me because he is busy to clear everything there n probaly on this march inshaallah he will come n visit me here for 3 month mayb from there i try to know about his attitude,because according to him he is a modern arab,but he told me earlier that he is jealous men,but for me it ok if he had a type of jealous it is normal for a men,and anyway i still want see what is going on after this,im not worried now since i join this Expat.com n here has alot of people will help me,any thanks to this blog n all the member here.:):)

If I were going to live permanently in Amman, I would want lots of my own friends there, to do the things with that I find interesting.If you are just confined to the family, even if they are huge in number like mine, sooner or later you may want to meet up with, how can I put it? like minded people.

To me a widowed man in Jordan without children is an unusual thing. Usually men in that position would remarry asap, because having children is very important in Arab societies, for the man as well as the woman, as it confers so many things, and high on the list is status. Could you perhaps ask him why he doesn't want children, if that is the case, because from what you have said of your age, you will not be able to give him children even though he is still of an age to have them.

Yes, jealous Arab men are the norm. A word of warning - they can be very jealous but it then doesn't follow that they will make the effort to meet the needs that you have that you are able to meet in different company. For example, you might like certain types of music, e.g. classical or opera, - and there is a fair bit on along these veins in Amman at any one time. For example, had I been there in 2010 I would have definitely wanted to see Aida (it was on at the Roman Theatre). For me, I would have just gone alone, but that's unthinkable in my family. I'm sure I could have found, had I been living there a while, Western people to go with, but I can just imagine the fuss, all in my husband's ear, who hates opera and wouldn't go if his life depended on it. "Oh she is mixing with Christians. Why does she want to do this? She is Muslim. Opera is not an activity suitable for Muslims. We wouldn't let our wives go - why are you letting yours? What if this happens that happens and all the rest of it?"

As to worry about him wanting a maid, well, he doesn't have daughters to look after him, so presumably that is an issue. It's one thing for unmarried sisters to live in her brother's house eventually, once the parents have passed over, but another thing entirely for an unmarried brother of a certain age. I doubt if it would work.

engmousa :

helloo all!!!

belive in ur love n think much before any big change

Surely if you are thinking about it then you are not really in love? I can only speak from being on the other side of the relationship, i.e. marrying an Arab man, but for sure, thought doesn't enter the equation.

Sure, 20 to 30 years into the marriage we know what is going on and have really come up against what we have let ourselves in for. But look before you leap? Hah! I wish, but don't believe anyone genuinely in love does that, no matter who they are marrying.

zooish :

hi, i am american, and i would love to hear womans opinion on weather or not it is a good idea to move from america to amman jordan.
ive heard many diffrent things, good and bad. but if any one else is in this situation, please email me, would love to chat.

hi my names mandie im an english muslim women i want to marry a man from jordan but he lives and works in saudia rabia do i have to marry in jordan as thats is hometown and what documents do i need i need to marry this man hes my world my life and im going crazy with all this stuff so please if theres any one who can help me i would appreciate it really i live in nottinghamshire in uk adviceeee help plzzzzzz

Hi everyone, I'm an american citizen, about to married a Jordanian man and I'm looking for any tips on what to ask on the Islamic marriage contract,I'm a recently converted to Islam so i don't know much about it.

I just returned from Jordan..was there for a little over a year...It's beautiful and the people are helpful and great!!...Very cheap to live there...but I do have a retirement  income..I went to Amman twice a week and lived in Al-Karak..My husband is Jordanian and Muslim...and we just love each other to death....Right now he's in America with me...getting use to it here...and he just loves it....think he's having a little bit of culture shock..but he'll be OK!!..I actually do miss Jordan...because of the people...here they seem so mean and rotten..I'm considering going back 1 day to live....I just wish the water wasn't a problem...that was my only downside ....the water....kinda tough..when you're an American...I know he doesn't want to go back anytime soon...and he did find a really good job here....it took a few months to get it right...but he found it..and very good pay....( even surprised me )...because the economy is so bad here....I know it's bad in Jordan too....but with my income alone...we we're living very good..and at the moment I'm worried about my Jordanian family there right now...and I would say...not a good time for an American to be there right now....My advice is to wait until things blow over....hopefully soon....I saw a little trouble when I was there because of Syria..Any of you ladies wishing to marry a Jordanian man...just be careful....you will lose some freedoms.that I'm sure you're use to here..if you really love him..hang in there.....and it will all work out....but so you know....none of this is cheap...it cost me a lot of money...Good-luck...Susan

I just believe that Jordanian men are among the best in the world. So do not be so cruel on them. Just like any other men in the world, there are good and bad ones. Go for the good and stay away from the bad. For further inquiries or advice on this, please contact me on belal.ouri[at]yahoo.com or 0788661409

thanks

i was told by an insider - that is one jordanian guy - before that the pressure comes through a very traditional jordanian society if they don't want to be embarrassed in front of their associates and colleagues.

personally, i respect jordanian men a lot believing that the 'black sheep' are rather rare among them which doesn't mean that the serious guys wouldn't be pressured into their tradition by their families and 'friends'.

legally viewed, women's rights in the islamic world are next to zero compared with the western society.

of course jordanian women in this society believe that if a wife needs permission from her husband to leave the country with the child it would be in the husband's interest.

but who is asking about the wife's interests? once in 'moderate' lebanon i heard about a meeting of all those wives at a christian community center who had their kids kidnapped by their husbands and taken away from them.

some folks might experience a cuddly reality while others will experience that they are depending on their husband's mercy. how great such a life must be.

there needs to be lots of trust and good estimate of a person to be able to jump into a marriage with one jordanian being able to enjoy the diamonds of a western legal system as this is not guaranteed by the islamic soft form of shariah law applied in jordan.

the two major issues upfront should always be- any man under islamic law can get so easily divorced and is able to marry a second, third or fourth wife.

what a blessing! not to forget that any wife here doesn't have any right to inherit her husband as the major inheritance will go to males (not females) of this family.

the latter will be surely a wake up call to wives with less or none grievous issues at this forum. have a blessed day!

on the other hand, if anybody wants to have a déjà vu, she should go for it.

even ''only'' talking at this forum can already result in harassment as not a long while ago i got constant phone calls of male non-expats from jordan replying to my post 'room for rent' expressing their interest but nobody showed up.

if a few innocent posts on human rights lead to such intimidation then there must be something very wrong.

hello Everybody!


I'm hungarian girl and i'd like marry from plaestinian boy in Amman.

Somebody knows which paper needs from him&me for the marry?

I thx so much if somebody help to us.

:)

The thing is with things like weddings, if it's within the family, and these are large families, so it isn't like weddings only occur every couple of years, then it's fine to go. Sure, the wedding is segregated, and if you are from the bride's family more than the groom's, it is possible that when the groom comes to take his bride, then the men from your family, including your husband, will follow on to the groom's celebrations, but the women from the bride's side may stay behind and not go, even if they are all from the same family.

But when it comes to friends, unless you knew them when you were overseas, it is unlikely, in my opinion, that you will meet them. Even here, in the West, I try not to meet my husband's friends. In the years we have been back in Britain, there are friends of my husband I have never met once, not in the 8 years we have been back. In the Middle East, I may make tea or coffee, but if there are men in the room who are strangers, and they don't have their wives or other women with them (very rare, but it can happen, again the mother's rather than the wife's generation usually), I don't serve them. Some of the women in my husband's family do; personally I don't. A man comes out and takes the tea/coffee/whatever back in.

The way I felt about it in the Middle East, I was part of a family with over 1,000 people, and that's just the ones "in the vicinity", visitable. There is no way on earth, in that situation, I am going to waste any of my time meeting with males who are strangers. My husband can go to a wedding/outing/whatever with strangers every night as far as I'm concerned; I won't be there.

I'm not one for living up to other people's expectations. If you are prepared to be particular and stick to it, then maybe there is a chance to live in a place like Jordan with your dignity intact. It just depends what you are comfortable with.

Maybe in the West we are all used to having our own male friends. I've certainly got female friends who prefer their own male friends to their female ones. But, in my experience in the Middle East, if men want to sit and talk to women within the family, it's not their wives and women of that generation that they sit with. It's usually the next generation along; their mums, aunties, grandmothers.

hi i am a new member. i want all opinions that u have and want to hear all that u have to say on this topic. i met a man on-line a couple months ago and he is younger than i am he lives in Jordan. he is a Jordanian man. we r talking to a lawyer right now about this. we want to get married. but i already have a son and i just got a divorce. he says that i have to go to Jordan and stay a month to get a Jordanian citizen ship. so he can come back here to the USA and we will live in Chicago he already has a job here waiting for him as well as i have employment waiting for me too there. i have no problem marring him but i don't absolutely like the whole idea about me staying to live there for a month and getting a citizenship there. i will not be taking my son if i do go and do this. i don't want to be away from my son for that long and so far. i am trying to avoid that whole idem if i can.he says that he will come to me first to the USA if he can with out marring me first if there is a way to do that. but as of right now we cant seem to figure it out. so if u know of anything to help me come to a solution please i want to hear what u have to say and all your opinions about this topic.
                                       thank you\

@ explosion27, Don't.
clearly he doesn't  want you, he wants the citzenship, once he gets it you are divorced.

either he does NOT know or he tries to have a good reason to get you to jordan. NOBODY can get the jordanian citizenship after one month! how anybody could be that ignorant is beyond my comprehension. it takes for wives married to a jordanian husband FIVE YEARS to obtain a jordanian passport. if he wants to marry you let him come to america. but he seems to have some problems and cannot travel to the US trying to use you for his purposes. why should you apply for the jordanian citizenship in the first place? another option is to get married to him in jordan to help him going back to the US. once you are in jordan he will try to get married to you here which would take away lots of your rights as a free person. you might not be able to leave the country if he doesn't allow you to do so. guess, he figures out if you want to see ur son then it will be easy for him to 'persuade' you to marry him at any rate here. for how long he will need you after being married to him will be up to his mercy. by the way, he might be already married in jordan. once one guy from amman even asked me to marry him to get to europe though he had already one wife. it's legal for jordanians and elsewhere in muslim majority countries to marry multiple wives which would be still considered as a criminal offense in western countries.

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