Life as a female expat in Hungary

I am surprised no one answered this question yet.
Seems to be tons of single women who have moved to Hungary lately.
Their experiences would be interesting to know.
I'm a married women with a Hungarian husband of over 40 years so I have a different experience then most female ex-pats would have here.
Under the protection of my husband as far as him stepping in and doing all business here.
Thankfully.
There have been a few times even when my husband was near by when I had to speak up for myself though.
In general if I am not treated like a respected older lady in public then I will either just walk away, speak up if needed or laugh in someones face then walk away.I may be playing with fire but if anyone acts rude to me in person, I will speak up if i know what they said that is!
Husband hates all confrontation and would rather just walk away then get into a verbal thing with anyone. Not worth his time or energy to deal with people. He's not much of a fighter, those days are gone as far as getting into it with a stranger for no reason.
He is retired and wants to be left alone with no drama.
I know a couple of female ex-pats here but their ages and lifestyles are different so their experiences are also different.
The world is changing and young men in Hungary are not as gentlemanly as they used to be.
The ones I know here that are in my age group are still gentleman but the younger ones it seems treat women not as ladies but as just another one of the guys.At least that is my observation.
Noticed this just this week at the pool, a young Hungarian couple was sitting near us and the way the young man spoke to his girl was rough.
He used allot of foul language in Hungarian with her , my husband heard it and mentioned that things have really changed, in his day a young man would never speak like that to a lady.
Then again the younger women also use allot of foul language and want to be one of the boys.
They are treated like one of boys then so right there it in my mind lowers their place in society.
Not expecting men to still place women on pedestals but we find most young men are not even taught social manners.They now see women as just another guy so don't give proper respect in so much as taking in the real fact that most females are physically weaker.
If you act like a lady though, you usually are treated like one if the other person as half a brain that is.
I have had young strange Hungarian men just jump in and help me with a luggage bag or open doors for me while others push past like I'm not even there.
Pushing and shoving women in crowds was not done in the past, not many get up to give a lady their seat on the tram etc.The few who do act like gents are rare .
I probably am the worst person to try and answer this question actually.
Most guys I notice wouldn't get a second date in my day.Might even just walk out on the first date if they weren't gents.
Modern society, the Hungarian men we know always treated me as a lady, wouldn't even stay in the same room with me if my husband left the room, no lead way for any misunderstandings. I have never actually had a full conversation with any of our HU male friends unless their wives were in the same room with us. That is/was my understanding of Hungarian culture. Now days, who knows what's going on?
Good luck ladies.

I very much recognize comments of Marylin, thanks. However , me and my wife are a bit older, I feel being female or male does not matter too much anymore, women live longer (better, healthier lifestyle (apart from being from the other sex which also helps in longevity).
In our village by now (if counting properties (80% by women), sad in a way, but I have my piece and my wife people to talk to.

Following the thread, I am curious how (older) women feel that they massively outnumber men.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....
I have had young strange Hungarian men just jump in and help me with a luggage bag or open doors for me while others push past like I'm not even there.
Pushing and shoving women in crowds was not done in the past, not many get up to give a lady their seat on the tram etc.The few who do act like gents are rare .
I.....

I find that for the most part people are polite here.  I happened to be on a crowded bus last week and kids were giving up their seats for the older folk who happened to be two older women.  That's behaviour you almost never see in my home country now.

Mrs Fluffy and I have had general conversations about the right "protocol" as to if we should give up our seats for others.  I  was of the opinion that if they were about the same age, not infirm, with a baby and so on, there's no reason for us to give up our seats as we're actually old enough to need them.  In the end, Mrs Fluffy gave up her seat and I kept mine.  But  I still had a twang of guilt that I should have given Mrs Fluffy mine and stood up.   

But then again I'm the one with the dodgy knee and hip.

Yes, I understand my knees are iffy at times and now my shoulder is shot, hard to hang on standing in a bus or tram now.
I don't usually use public transportation but when we do, we usually go at off hours, usually always find a seat .
My husband used to get up but now he is 70 and feels it's his turn to be a old man, unless it is a older lady who needs the seat.
He sort of has lost allot of his old fashioned outlook on treating most women these days too, says most are more manly then he is so they can stand like a man.
believe me he used to be 100% a gent, often still runs to open a door for a lady trying to get in a door with her hands full etc. Or someone with a baby stroller.
If it is a person more elderly then himself, he always respects their age.
In the US I have to say usually Mexican and young black men give up their seats before a young white guy would, unless it is a Southern gent or a cowboy.Of course in the US I avoid public transportation like my life depends on it.
Not sure about the younger generation.
My son is around free young ladies at his job but wants nothing to do with them.
He was not raised overly strict by us but he has his own standards of behavior. He went all the way to Japan to find his current wife.
Looks are important to him but he decided to go for a good clean type person who would be a good mother.
Guess he has grown up and knows what is important in life after all.
He often says the blonde single/divorced ladies with kids from a string of different fathers often talk to him and are very forward, he works in a Vegas casino so you can imagine what opportunities are around him daily.
He never encourages these women and will not even respond to them most times with even letting them know he heard them offer him a "hook-up". He has higher morals then I even tried to teach him, self respect is more like it I suppose.
He often says where were these sort of wild women when he was in his 20's? Not interested in drama or trauma.
Not sure about women living longer and being lonely about it.
usually by the time someone is elderly they have grandkids, hobbies etc. to keep them busy and not so much interested in starting over with someone who has their own baggage to bring along.
In Hungary in the past as in many countries people got married early had a family and were not so busy trying to make friends to hang with.They went about their lives, working raising a family and trying to keep their heads above water.
Friends were usually other family members who would help you out with things such as fixing your roof or taking care of your children if you became ill.
Helping with your crops etc.
These days everyone is looking for a instant fix for being bored or lonely, very shallow if you ask me.
I suppose I am not actually all that old only 63 , I admit when I was a late teen before I got married, I did enjoy going out with friends, drinking and dancing.
Once I met my husband at age 19 I pretty much grew out of friends and having to empress anyone other then him.
Of course most all our Hungarian friends were still single but somehow we managed to go out once in awhile with them and have fun and still have our little family.
Some people were a bit too much so we just cut off contact with them. Family should come first before friends.
I had just turned 21 when our boy was born so not time for trying to meet new people. Most of the new people I met were other young mothers going through the same things I was going through.
I can't really relate to being a modern "free" women who calls the shots and doesn't need her family.
I have never felt like I missed anything by marrying young and having a child, I think I had it all.
My older sister was divorced and had a string of boyfriends.Sometimes she had chances to do really exciting things, go places and meet people.
In her down times however, it was me she called up to come over and brighten her spirits.
I was never envious of her she went backstage at all sorts of great concerts, even once I went with her when she scored two free VIP passes to see the Stones in Ca.
My husband babysat and let me go, he is not unreasonable.I went to several good concerts just with my sister over the years
Sister has gone to the Academy Awards in Hollywood, all sorts of things, eaten in the best places and drove some of the flashiest cars, never meant much to me, we always had a better time, playing a board game on my kitchen table with a bottle of cheap wine.
I used to model in hair shows, brought her with me because it was from my job that we were asked to model. I really never was a "slacker" in the looks dept or lacked anything she did, just not interested in it anything that would or could hurt my family I never wanted to do, like going to bars drinking or out by myself for no good reason.When your family comes first there is no time to be bored.
Would rather stay at home with my family.
Never felt I had ever messed out, seeing the very lows moods my sister would fall into when an invite or party wasn't happening was very disturbing.
People place their own personal worth on invites and others, not a healthy thing to do.
Sounds like I am a boring person but I'm happy with myself.
Most of those Hollywood types my sister knew turned out to have double lives and were not exactly great people after all.
Agenda's everyone has one.
My older sister and i could of passed as twins.
I used to go out dancing with her in Hollywood before I met my husband.
People and mostly men would come up to her about every 5 mins. while hardly anyone would ever ask me to dance.
I asked her what was up with that?
She said the look on my face was all business and i scared off those people who were just players.
Strange, I never noticed that look on my face myself. Guess it's more like a vibe or energy coming off a person, like my mom used to say, trouble will find you if your looking for it.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....
My husband used to get up but now he is 70 and feels it's his turn to be a old man, unless it is a older lady who needs the seat.
He sort of has lost allot of his old fashioned outlook on treating most women these days too, says most are more manly then he is so they can stand like a man.
believe me he used to be 100% a gent, often still runs to open a door for a lady trying to get in a door with her hands full etc. Or someone with a baby stroller.
If it is a person more elderly then himself, he always respects their age.
.....
Not sure about women living longer and being lonely about it.
usually by the time someone is elderly they have grandkids, hobbies etc. to keep them busy and not so much interested in starting over with someone who has their own baggage to bring along.
.....
These days everyone is looking for a instant fix for being bored or lonely, very shallow if you ask me.
I suppose I am not actually all that old only 63 , I admit when I was a late teen before I got married, I did enjoy going out with friends, drinking and dancing.
Once I met my husband at age 19 I pretty much grew out of friends and having to empress anyone other then him.
Of course most all our Hungarian friends were still single but somehow we managed to go out once in awhile with them and have fun and still have our little family.
Some people were a bit too much so we just cut off contact with them. Family should come first before friends.
I had just turned 21 when our boy was born so not time for trying to meet new people. Most of the new people I met were other young mothers going through the same things I was going through.
I can't really relate to being a modern "free" women who calls the shots and doesn't need her family.
I have never felt like I missed anything by marrying young and having a child, I think I had it all.
My older sister was divorced and had a string of boyfriends.Sometimes she had chances to do really exciting things, go places and meet people.
...
....
People place their own personal worth on invites and others, not a healthy thing to do.
Sounds like I am a boring person but I'm happy with myself.
Most of those Hollywood types my sister knew turned out to have double lives and were not exactly great people after all.
Agenda's everyone has one.

A very rich post there with a lot to talk about.  I'm sorry to bring it up again, but really you should get all these things down on paper.  You've got a great story there.

But yes, I know how your hubby feels.  I'm the same - I think I've done my time  even though I'm a bit younger - but I think I deserve a seat, especially with that crappy hip and knee.   

We know quite a lot of single women (and men) who are in or close to their 50s.  Had a party life before when youth seemed eternal but now look like maiden aunts (or uncles?).  Idea of kids or family life has passed them by and substituted with circles of friends - some solid and others more like fog.  One of our contacts really regrets not having kids but Mrs Fluffy and I told her numerous times 20+ years ago she could easily get a kid from a mail order donor from Denmark without the "complications" of a relationship.  All she needed was a turkey baster.   I'm not being facetious, it's a popular thing easily found online (Google it!). 

I don't know how people manage in their 50s, been in relations for 30+ years, get single or widowed and their lives are then not defined daily with their partners but their other relations.  It's quite a  daunting experience.

Actually I think older and single expat women here would find it quite liberating here, especially if they speak the language.  It's still small scale and safe enough. They may have money, success and experience in different societies and have nothing to prove.  There should be plenty of decent Hungarian or other partners out there to be involved with.  I know some Hungarian single men in their older years have difficulties meeting partners but the expat bunch move in different circles and probably have more money. 

The younger women would possibly find it more difficult because of the very temporary nature of younger expats passing through. 

Just sayin'....

Not sure about old Hungarian men.
I have one who is a gem but even he gets grumpy at times.
I think if God forbid anything should happen to my husband I wouldn't get involved with another man let alone another. Hungarian.
When you had the best  no one can fill their shoes.
I probably would either move to Japan and be a granny for my hopefully future little Eurasian grandkids or move in with my other sister and maybe even get my own little dog, be those crazy old sisters with the dogs.
Or perhaps move into my cousins place with her in Maryland.
She is a bit like me, met her husband in college at age 17, he was from India and a professor at a major unvi in Maryland. She was a recovery room nurse at John's Hopkins Hospital.
He sadly passed away from liver cancer about 4 years ago.
She is a family minded person like I am. Her son lives now in S. America with his new wife from there and her daughter married a man she met at the London School of Economics,They just moved from NYC to Texas.
My cousin was going every month to NYC but now she flies to Texas since her first grandchild was just born.
She loves to drive to other states and visit the graves of our relations, check out Polish places to eat progies where ever she goes and is a very upbeat happy sort of person.
She I know would love for me to move into her house with her.
She has more room then she knows what to do with since her kids are gone away.
Or maybe I'd move to Fl. on my own and start playing bingo!
I've also been asked to move in with my first cousin and his Thai wife in Conn. They have a huge home and their daughter has moved out.
Not sure why everyone thinks I'd be a great room mate? Guess they don't know me well after all!
No in reality, Hungarian older men are a bit too bossy for me, my mom was sort of right about that point. She told me when I met my husband that Hungarian men were too old style for an American women. Not all are but I see the ones here are not exactly the cream of the crop, think the good ones are taken or moved away already.
Most look like big time drinkers and not exactly stylish, yes, style and caring about ones looks is still important to some of us, haven't given up the ship just yet!

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Not sure about old Hungarian men.
I have one who is a gem but even he gets grumpy at times.
I think if God forbid anything should happen to my husband I wouldn't get involved with another man let alone another. Hungarian.
When you had the best  no one can fill their shoes.
I probably would either move to Japan and be a granny for my hopefully future little Eurasian grandkids or move in with my other sister and maybe even get my own little dog, be those crazy old sisters with the dogs.
...... She told me when I met my husband that Hungarian men were too old style for an American women. Not all are but I see the ones here are not exactly the cream of the crop, think the good ones are taken or moved away already.
Most look like big time drinkers and not exactly stylish, yes, style and caring about ones looks is still important to some of us, haven't given up the ship just yet!

Oh yes, the drinking would be a problem but there are people whose lives aren't ruled by a bottle.

It's a problem for people who are widowed.  There's always going to be a comparison with the deceased partner who will be an idealised version of the real person.  I would guess the new partner should be accepted as a person in their own right.

But anyway,  I'd have thought old style could be attractive so long as it's not boring.  I definitely agree that the fundamentals are important. Not just the looks but the behaviour - the whole package really. 

I worked with a good looking guy who is "tall dark and handsome" and who looks like something out of a movie. But when he opens his mouth he's got a ridiculous squeaky, unclear and mumbling voice.  He gets his share but I always thought, WTF?!   I suppose it didn't do David Beckham any harm.

fluffy2560 wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....
My husband used to get up but now he is 70 and feels it's his turn to be a old man, unless it is a older lady who needs the seat.
He sort of has lost allot of his old fashioned outlook on treating most women these days too, says most are more manly then he is so they can stand like a man.
believe me he used to be 100% a gent, often still runs to open a door for a lady trying to get in a door with her hands full etc. Or someone with a baby stroller.
If it is a person more elderly then himself, he always respects their age.
.....
Not sure about women living longer and being lonely about it.
usually by the time someone is elderly they have grandkids, hobbies etc. to keep them busy and not so much interested in starting over with someone who has their own baggage to bring along.
.....
These days everyone is looking for a instant fix for being bored or lonely, very shallow if you ask me.
I suppose I am not actually all that old only 63 , I admit when I was a late teen before I got married, I did enjoy going out with friends, drinking and dancing.
Once I met my husband at age 19 I pretty much grew out of friends and having to empress anyone other then him.
Of course most all our Hungarian friends were still single but somehow we managed to go out once in awhile with them and have fun and still have our little family.
Some people were a bit too much so we just cut off contact with them. Family should come first before friends.
I had just turned 21 when our boy was born so not time for trying to meet new people. Most of the new people I met were other young mothers going through the same things I was going through.
I can't really relate to being a modern "free" women who calls the shots and doesn't need her family.
I have never felt like I missed anything by marrying young and having a child, I think I had it all.
My older sister was divorced and had a string of boyfriends.Sometimes she had chances to do really exciting things, go places and meet people.
...
....
People place their own personal worth on invites and others, not a healthy thing to do.
Sounds like I am a boring person but I'm happy with myself.
Most of those Hollywood types my sister knew turned out to have double lives and were not exactly great people after all.
Agenda's everyone has one.

A very rich post there with a lot to talk about.  I'm sorry to bring it up again, but really you should get all these things down on paper.  You've got a great story there.

We have all said it 😊

Netiquette: we all can see the prior posts. Quote only what is directly and specifically relevant to a reply. No need to quote them in entirety.

I know about people who have looks over the moon but their speaking voice is just so off.
Check out on U Tube our old friend Peggy, she was beautiful, a real 1980's women of her day. Look up ," Peggy and the Pills."Her one hit wonder with her rock band from Italy. Song is titled, "No body's Bride". She even dated crazy old Adam Ant in the day for a short time,even had her song recorded in London for herself with the group, Talk-Talk doing her background music, she was THAT pretty were people just did stuff for her.
Full of style kind and sweet , she was a US lady born in AZ who went all the way to Milan Italy to finally get her big shot as a runway model.
She had a few mag. covers under her belt and did model work for the likes of designers such as Valentino.
My sister actually introduced me to her, such a sweetheart, pretty kind and generous.
She even went out of her way as a busy model to pick out some things for me in Italy and mail them to my home.
Anyways, her speaking voice was so high and sounded sickly, just didn't match her face or image.
RIP , Peggy we lost her at age 32, dam cancer!
Had to stop and download the vid, so sad.
She used to stay in the US when she visited at my sisters house in Ca.
She had been a cocktail waitress at the old Playboy Club before it closed down in Ca.
I hung with her a few times, she even came into where i worked to get her hair trimmed by my boss.
On her second visit to the uS she brought her Italian boyfriend with her.
She gave up on flakey rock stars as boyfriends and decided to move in with her Italian boyfriend and his mother.
Her biggest problem was trying not to eat all the pasta his mom made.
I have to say she was truly a sweetie judging by her taste in men. Her boyfriend was one of the ugliest people I ever laid eyes on. He must of had a heart of gold.
Long story but to get to it, I was in total awe of her, beautiful, fun, made a ton of money and traveled the world and met so many interesting people.
She was about 18 months older then me.
She told me I had the best life ever because I had a child and husband and was loved.
Funny how people see things differently.
Think at the time she knew she was ill but didn't want to let on about it.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....She even dated crazy old Adam Ant in the day for a short time,even had her song recorded in London for herself with the group, Talk-Talk doing her background music, she was THAT pretty were people just did stuff for her.
.....

Now that's a Six Degrees of Separation thing if I ever heard one.   

I went to university with a chap called Ashman whose brother Matthew (now deceased) was Adam Ant's ex-guitarist.  Matthew Ashman went on to play with Bow Wow Wow.   

I always thought the brother I knew was a kind of likeable but troubled guy but one thing that was certain was that he was very very smart.  I have no idea what happened to him in the end.

fluffy2560 wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....She even dated crazy old Adam Ant in the day for a short time,even had her song recorded in London for herself with the group, Talk-Talk doing her background music, she was THAT pretty were people just did stuff for her.
.....

Now that's a Six Degrees of Separation thing if I ever heard one.   

I went to university with a chap called Ashman whose brother Matthew (now deceased) was Adam Ant's ex-guitarist.  Matthew Ashman went on to play with Bow Wow Wow.   

I always thought the brother I knew was a kind of likeable but troubled guy but one thing that was certain was that he was very very smart.  I have no idea what happened to him in the end.

That is interesting, lucky if he got out alive or in one piece.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....She even dated crazy old Adam Ant in the day for a short time,even had her song recorded in London for herself with the group, Talk-Talk doing her background music, she was THAT pretty were people just did stuff for her.
.....

Now that's a Six Degrees of Separation thing if I ever heard one.   

I went to university with a chap called Ashman whose brother Matthew (now deceased) was Adam Ant's ex-guitarist.  Matthew Ashman went on to play with Bow Wow Wow.   

I always thought the brother I knew was a kind of likeable but troubled guy but one thing that was certain was that he was very very smart.  I have no idea what happened to him in the end.

That is interesting, lucky if he got out alive or in one piece.

Matthew made it until he was about mid-30s but he died of complications of diabetes so "the rock n roll" lifestyle didn't directly kill him I suppose. I believe he's well remembered for his specific guitar style by members of those bands.

I didn't know him though, only his brother Andrew.  He'd be about 57-58 now I guess.  I hope he's still chugging along because I found him quite likeable. It was a very long time ago now - almost 40 years - so maybe he was actually quite different to the way I remember him.  He was a bit like the rebellious person who always crops up in teenage high school dramas (apparently on the verge of being a loser but actually one of the smartest people in the place).