Fair amount for child support Vietnam????

Vagabondone wrote:

Understand. If I knew how I would. I have seen it in my phone before. But where I do not know. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to tech.

Ciamballa must either know you personally or have corresponded with you by PM to know that you are a former pilot.  If that is true, I find your statement about tech a little unsettling.  I like to think that the person in the cockpit has a basic understanding of electronics and physics.     < Is this you reading the instruments?

This is one of my favorites:  "I have rabies two brothers and 3 step-chidern."

No, the pilot / businessman is Kevin Gilmore, the man in Hapiness1988's post #23:   ("I know a friend, her husband is American, they just divorced and he supports her and her 2 children 100mil/month.")

and her post #28:  (There are some real examples for you guys to see, can visit this link: https://m.vov.vn/van-hoa/nghe-si/he-lo- … 781307.vov )

His ex-wife, the children's mother, and whom Hapiness1988 claimed her friend, is Diva Hồng Nhung, a singer/ showbiz host / media personality.  "Diva" often described her marriage a fairy tale, herr home a dream place, and her husband the best father and partner ever existed.  Then 8 years later, she announced her divorce.

The outrageous child support amount made the news many times over, so it was definitely not the norm in Vietnam.  The other "real examples" from the link are all celebrities with similar income and similar child support payments.

Sorry that i got those mixed up.Apparently I don't read as carefully as you gave me credit for.

Ciambella wrote:

No, the pilot / businessman is Kevin Gilmore, the man in Hapiness1988's post #23:

I once unsuccessfully suggested that Vagabondone should edit his posts but you seem to have achieved the impossible.   

If the woman is working and paying her household bills then 5 million dong would be a good place to start if they live in a smaller town like, say, Cam Ranh. If she would stay home and raise the children as a mother should, then 50 per cent more. If they live in Sai Gon or Nha Trang, Da Nang, one of the major cities, then start with 7 million.  Were it me I would simply send as much as I could as a regular amount. I have supported a child in VN though she is no relation, just a 14 y.o. I met in '03 who was too smart for me to let her  go to labor work. Her family was quite poor then.  Actually I required her to figure the numbers and come up with the monthly. She was quite precise then and I added to the stipend as she went to college then grad school-MBA equivalent.  She is married  with two  kids now and the head of accounting at an Ex-Im company. She and I together are helping her two em trais get through university. I have spent enough time with her parents as they have prospered, to know something of what it takes.

I was looking for something on google and I bumped on a guy's post sharing his experience married to yet another greedy Vietnamese woman. I joined so I could check the guy's profile out, see if he is yet another fat old guy who like all the others didn't see it coming. I wrote a post here not because I think the mother should get more money but to ask the father to find a way to give more to his child.
Then posts and posts after that when many keep grouping me with obviously another Vietnamese girl, I realized people here are just discriminating against us. Automatically assume we are on the side of other Vietnamese women. When happiness1988 is talking about nice women that will do everything for their child.
I am working in construction with many guys, Vietnamese and foreigners. I often joke to them that we export every of our best stuff oversea but the women might be the only thing that we don't export all good ones if not mostly bad ones.
I used to work at a mining company where expats get a ridiculous big amount of salary in spite of some's incompetence. So I witnessed first hand how most of the expats felt for clearly greedy women (some was smart enough to stick with whores but not all was that smart, one was so stupid that when I told him why you wanted to marry such a bad woman assumed I had a thing for his baldly head and chunk of elephant fat) and again I am not and have never said the father should give the mother the money she's asking for and be done with it. I am saying if he does love the child then FIND A GOOD LAWYER OR DO ANYTHING I DON'T KNOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILD. I have never been divorced so I might be naïve to think a good lawyer would be helpful here but surely if you do love your child then you should do something instead of fighting with the mother about child support and ended up giving her 3 millions per month. Imagine how your child's life would be with that mother and you are not there and maybe no one is there for him. Everyone was a child once, remember how vulnerable you were, how helpless you were, how easily hurt you were and stop giving him advice that 5 millions is generous and I raised my child well with much less than that. Sure maybe you were a nice lady who would go to bed hungry for your child to go to better school, can you really believe a seemingly bad woman would do that?. You have life experience, tell him what would help his child, introduce him to people that can help. ANYONE WHO NEVER BOTHER TO READ UNTIL THE END OF MY POST PLEASE DON'T BOTHER TO COMMENT.

You make many good points Heretolearn. There is no doubt us fat, bald old men do not always ise tge brains we were provided with when it cones to women. I wis someone would write a book on how to select your mate. I too had great wisdom before I married for the first time. And I'll be darn, if I did not end up looking “stupid” like you say. Wonderful wonderful women in every way imaginable. She lived me and wanted to spend the test if her life with me. We never had one fight in the 12 years we were married, hard to believe. The. she lets me know she is a lesbian and wants a divorce to be with the one she truley loves. I had developed a ling list of probing questions for my future life partner so I would not make a mistake and marry the wrong one.,The very questionI left off was “ are you a lesbian”. But that is now on my checklist.
Yes, I have a lawyer that is reprsenting me in my divorce.  Liike him a lot. But lawyers can only operate within the laws provided. In my country the Family Law consists of many volumes of law. Hers in VN where they do not yet subscribe fully to common law the Family Laws could all be put in a looseleaf binder one inch thick. There is no mechanism to enforce the law. Until the age of 12, months if breastfeeding,   a man cannot file for divorce, but the women can. We can understand that. Until the age of 3 she has total control of visitation. So she can affectively block you from your child so that you can not bond with your child. I guess they are in hopes that they can seperate you for life. And to a degree , it can I think. As it stands now I can not see my son. I am certain her plan is , as my attorney tells  me most women married to expats here do, is take the child into hiding . Moving to where you can not find them.
There is nothing the court can order except direct psymrnt to the mother. I submitted my desires tontge court. That is for me to pay for all his tangiable needs, sans  food and housing, to i clude all his exucation needs through attending university in America. The court said they could not do thatvand my wife demanded direct payment of support yet  denies me visitation. So my alternative thinking was to tell my wife aside from the direct support of 5 million vnd Ibwould pay for anything I could take my son to do or get. So in affect I am paying more for the right to be the father he was given at birth. But she has not agreex to any of thst and only time will tell.
It sedms you ard not married and I assume never divorced. But when I divorced my first wife my lawyer gave me a small book they had produced “ How to prepare for the biggest bloodiest battle you will evee face” I scoffed at the idea. Why would we have a problem we had agreed on all the terms of the divorce before we even hired lawyers. It was the bloodiest battle of my life and drug on for 3 years.
So even though I am certain we both love our child , many can make decisions that you would swear never consider the child welfare at all. When my wife first told me she felt I would steal our child and I realized I needed to go to divorce court before one of us ended up in criminal court I offered her a great deal I thought. I would  pay the rent for a villa across the street from mine. I would firnish it as well. That way my son could go back and fourth as he wished. I could are for him when she had things to do and her the same. I would pay for all his needs home school him etc.
I know you think we are all stupid and dead beat dads, incapable of loving and caring for our childern. But is is usually hard to group all people into one category.
My only point to the post was to get some idea of fairness. And I think I have recieved  that. Shame to see all the visceral hatred and the pegoritives used for what seemed like a civilized question. But this often happens on this forum

I feel using the term "old fat guy" shows your true feelings towards this matter.

I failed to mention heretolearn that here in VN there is something in the legal system call lobbying fees. In my country division of property and support payments etc. are fairly clearly defined. That is not the case here. The lobbying money is how the ruling is handed down. So I know what the ruling will be, but I wanted to be fair.

Vagbondone:  You are doing a little better with the autospeller off but you still need to read your message first before hitting the send button.  Your writing is still headache inducing.  If you really want others to read what you write, and not just react to it, you need to make it more readable.

Owe I do not fret all thise things in life. And I try not to be so critical of others also. I find many on this forum that their writing is fun to decipher. At least many who have been on here awhile and see my handle know to just skip over reading it if it bothers them a great deal of theh get a headache. I have never have the patience to be an editor. So sorry to hear youf bad expereinrce though. However I will continue to hit send when I feel ready until the mids get me or it is banned.

If she can speak English, I think it could be 10m per month. If not, 5m - 7m is a good deal

How does the language she speak affect child support. Maybe I am missing something.

Good god THIGV Not even I can believe all the typos. Oh well I will just start sending smoke signals. At least I will not have to worry about big fingers in small keyboards. 😜

colinoscapee wrote:

I feel using the term "old fat guy" shows your true feelings towards this matter.

Yeah and the thing is, I'm not *that* fat! 

I know several Caucasian men and second generation Viet kieu who have gone to VN to find  wives or have  stayed in VN after marrying a local lass.  One of the new wives seemed "greedy" and one was a prostitute. All of the men are happy with their matches and the women are all fine and loyal wives.

This thread opened with Vagabonone asking about what people thought was a fair child support amount.

SteinNebraska offered a similar example where the amount was 7m VND.

Vagabondone related that his wife is asking for 23m VND, however she appears to be asking to cover some expenses that are not presently realistic for a 19 month old child. (e.g. English lessons and a very beef heavy diet.)

Colinoscapee suggested 5m VND as a fair amount.

Thaiger referred to the wife as a skank, which nullifies any suggestions he might make.

Kerryhcm gave examples of potential expenses starting at 6m VND and going up from there.

Hapiness1988 related an example of another expat paying 100m VND for two children.  Several people said this was a ridiculous amount but she countered that some people can pay so Vagabonone may be able to do the same.

Heretolearn gave several examples of costs of childrearing, and later related the experiences of friend that 15m VND would be required to support an older child.  She then said “I don't f*ck ugly guys  unless he is a millionaire at least.” which totally destroyed her credibility in the discussion.  She put herself in the same boat as Thaiger.  They sit on opposite sides but it is the same boat.

celtichello volutnteered that 5m VND is reasonable based on current talks he is having with the mother of his child.

Ciambella related two situations from relatives in the US where payments ranged from $140 to $1800.

In response to a question from Hapiness1988, I (THIGV) found that the average payment in the US per the 2010 census was $430, which is 9.7m VND but you might round that up a little for inflation.

Ciambella explained that the extreme cases of high child support cited by Hapiness1988 involved celebrities so the amounts were definitely outliers.

cafengocmy suggested that 5mVND would be OK in a smaller city but that in HCMC it should be 7m VND or more.

lanatran suggested different amounts based on whether the mother spoke English.  This seems absurd as well as unjust on its face. (Just my opinion.)

My conclusion for whatever it is worth Vagabondone:  I may be mixing you up with another person but I think in the past, you related that your wife had refused to allow you to get the CRBA for your son and that you were afraid that would make it impossible for him to inherit your considerable wealth.  Even if that was not you, I think that you have indicated elsewhere that you are quite comfortable financially.  Assuming that the judge agrees, I am thinking that 10m VND might not be inappropriate.  It is about double the low side suggestions but not anywhere near the high side ones.  Payments of 5m VND may be common but it sounds as if you can and want to do better.  If you volunteer that amount to your judge, she may be inclined to accept it over your wife's somewhat ridiculous demands. 

You really need to stay away from an itemized agreement as it can mean continued renegotiation in years to come every time one of the components changes.  Stick to a flat amount.  If you want, you can consider that a floor and still voluntarily pay for exceptional expenses such as international school tuition that he may or may not need in the future.   You can then return to the monthly flat amount.  The key is to stay current so that you can justify getting him the CRBA.  He still has17 more years to claim US citizenship.

As several people commented, Vietnamese fathers may often fail to make payments but don't face real repercussions.  In your case you could face deportation and immigration blacklisting.  Arrive at an amount that you can pay and don't miss a payment.

Great job at the summary of the entire conversation. Have no disagreements with it really. I don't have a problem with 10m vnd. I object on principal only. My support to my son be that, manifold many times. But I want to make as much of that support as I possible can tied to my being able to see him and do things with him. As it stands now I will not get to see him. So she has excised the child's father out of his life. I am thinking perhaps she will see the benefits of letting me see him, If It is I who takes him to the doctor and I pay for it. If I take him shopping for clothes and I pay for it. If I enroll him in school , and him and I go together while I pay his tution. If allowed , I would pay for , as well as teach him via home school .
So I think 5m a month is suffient if coupled with all the other pay to play payments . His mom will never be able to touch any of that . And she can use the 5 m to buy his food and a roof over his head . But this way I will be able to be with my son , and  my son will have the opportunity to see and know his father. Put another way his mom can choose support of 5m and deny me access to my son. Or she can choose 20, 30m, 50m and let me see my son.
And her final option will be to deny me access to my son and I will leave VN and she can try as hard as she can to get one dong of support. And yes, that will mean I will be banned from Vietnam. But my only real desire to stay is to be near my son. Seems like she is going to ban that. As it stands now she gets all my real estate in the USA so she will have made off pretty good from the “stupid” ole fart!!!!😜Thanks for the
summary.....and all your work  to  put  it together. You must have had a great time sifting through my typos and spellchecker issues!!!'

Thank you for the recap, THIGV.  I was thinking of replying to Heretolearn as she specifically addressed me toward the end of her last post, but this thread is like a bumper car floor, you lose control the second you get onto a car until the power turns off or you risk life and limbs to jump out.  With your concise work,  I can quit the ride safely now.

It is really sad when a child is used as a pawn. I paid child support for 18 years, and my daughters mother gave me grief for those 18 years. My ex and her husband were on 108k AUD a year, I was on 35k AUD and I still paid 5k a year child support. I dislike my daughters mother immensely, but am now free of the witch. 😃

Yes indeed it is terrible. The children have nothing to do with why two people can no longer live together. I wish people could just except the fact, and treat the child properly. Although the parents can no live together the child needs both a male roll model and a female roll model. I have only raised step-chidern, but I never allowed them to speak badly about their mom. But it is what it is and I imagine broken hearts feel the need for revenge.
Had no idea this thread would be so popular and run so long. I have reached my conclusion and thank all for their wonderful inputs. I will get off the bumper cars before that girl attacks me again.

A B-ball hoop for an A-hol.

Happy memories and thick tyre tracks. lol

I think part of the problem for Vagabondone is that while his wife is using the child to leverage money, he is demanding child contact in exchange for paying the bills. Hence he is playing her game by her rules only in reverse, which is not a good idea.  I don't know about Vietnam, but In the US, child support and visitation are entirely separate issues.  Other states may differ as I noted above but in my state, child support it based on a set of tables.  Unless one parent has severe negatives such as drug use, visitation is usually on normal schedules like weekends.  Just as with the VND amounts, Vagabondone: you really should ask the judge for specified weekly hours of visitation, and not just hope that if you pay the bill, you will get to take the boy to places like the doctor's office.  Anything else will be a lifelong set of squabbles over how much time is enough.  If you are not careful, you could be left with all the negative activities like dental visits and tutoring.  If you take weekends, you get to be the "fun" parent. 

Vagabondone:  I know you may be inclined to homeschooling but as your child is a Vietnamese citizen, the government may want him in regular school, either public or a licensed private school.  Officials don't much care about kids with two expat parents but that is not your son's case.  Talking badly about the quality of Vietnamese education in court might not be a good idea as far as keeping he judge on your side.

Well I guess you gave to be in Vietnam to undeestand visitstion, custody, and child support issues. I only wish it were like  it is in the USA. Unfortunatly it is not. If the mother decides you do not get to vist then that is the way it is. Go to the court and tell them she will not allow you to visit and they will tell you she has to let you visit, its the law. Okay make her do it, send the police out there. And the court says “ sorry we have no mechanism to inforce  law. Been there done that . So I “ am playing the game by her rules in reverse”. So be it. If that is what it takes to see my sone and she gets her support check I am not to concerned what people in America think or how their system works.

And your point about the  schools is correct. Without my son being able to get his US citizenship home schooling has been foreclosed on. Had he been able to get it, the government will not interfere or object to home schooling. It was simply our plan to do all that and then she refused. I was not speaking in absolute terms when I said I would pay for whatever his needs were if I could take him to it or do it with him. I do not know all of his needs or desires at this point in his life. He may want to take Englush classes he may not. But I will be here hopefully if he does.

Vagabondone wrote:

I do not know all of his needs or desires at this point in his life. He may want to take Englush classes he may not. But I will be here hopefully if he does.

Good idea.  Mapping out our children's lives is usually based on our own desires more than theirs.  The best you can do is be out of the way but ready to help if asked.

Indeed. But there are somethings that childern simply gather from being in the presence of their parents. And I think they all need the positve aspects of both a mother and father in their lives. There is no doubt there is a direction I would prefer my child go. But I have only ever seen my job as giving them a toolbox full of tools to navigate life as they grow up. And I do think we have a huge responsibility to pass on our knowledge to the next generation. Here they lack self-esteem so badly.  And it is undestandable why. I encounter childern all the time that suffer from it. They can not zip up their jacket, cut their food or feed themselves. I put them in the kitchen on a stool and teach them how to cook, how to pay for a product at the store themselves, how to place their own order at McDonald's, how to change the oil on the motorbike. In no time their self-rsteem is soring. My child will not have that opportunity. That saddens me

Nothing I can do about the real estate. The “ole stupid, fat boy” believed her when she said she loved  me. So I wanted to insure a secure future for her. Thus I executed a Living trust. Which sinply means the property does not have to go through probate. Upon my death all she has to do is present my death certificate and it is hers. Now I can not sell or use any of the property as collateral . But I do get all the income etc. Until I die. I have tried to get her to do a Quit Claim deed for some amount and deed it back to me. But the little gal says “ sucker”. No big deal. I do not need the money , and all of it has been income property for years. Although I usually sell the ones that the depreciation has been exausted. But at this stage of my life it really does not matter. Maybe she will sell them someday and share the proceeds with my child. I doubt it.

And yes it is true I legally can have some amount of unfettered access to my son ater he turns 3. But then by law and am allowed visitation now. I hold out hope for that day. I fear  he will not know me. If I could just keep my face in front of him enough I am in hopes that he will want to come  live with me. If so his mother would not have to provide any support and he could spend as much time as he wishes with her. It use to be that they vould decide at age 9. It has recentky been lowered to 7

@Vagabondone
When it comes to personal opinions, POVs, or assessments, the dispute can go on for a long time back and forth, getting worse as it goes, without reaching an agreement. Luckily child support is quantifiable. First you need to sit down with your ex wife. Use a piece a paper, or create a spreadsheet, and start to list what would you want to cover, ie. medical, school fees, entertainment, etc. and how much each item would be per month. You can guesstimate for now, but make sure that you ask her for receipts and bills just like any person would need to submit in order to claim their work-related expenses. In a couple of months, you will have a rough idea of how much your infant kid would need on a monthly basis. You will have a concrete number, and zero guesswork. Send her that amount + as much as you deem fit.

If you want to visit your son, it's beneficial to hire a lawyer. The family law book in Vietnam might be only 1in thick, but a lawyer would certainly be able to fix your situation. You don't even have to go to the court. When your ex wife realizes that there's now a go-between, she would want to avoid problems since she is the custodial parent of your kid, and she still need you to provide half of his expenses.

gimmethewine wrote:

@Vagabondone
When it comes to personal opinions, POVs, or assessments, the dispute can go on for a long time back and forth, getting worse as it goes, without reaching an agreement. Luckily child support is quantifiable. First you need to sit down with your ex wife. Use a piece a paper, or create a spreadsheet, and start to list what would you want to cover, ie. medical, school fees, entertainment, etc. and how much each item would be per month. You can guesstimate for now, but make sure that you ask her for receipts and bills just like any person would need to submit in order to claim their work-related expenses. In a couple of months, you will have a rough idea of how much your infant kid would need on a monthly basis. You will have a concrete number, and zero guesswork. Send her that amount + as much as you deem fit.

If you want to visit your son, it's beneficial to hire a lawyer. The family law book in Vietnam might be only 1in thick, but a lawyer would certainly be able to fix your situation. You don't even have to go to the court. When your ex wife realizes that there's now a go-between, she would want to avoid problems since she is the custodial parent of your kid, and she still need you to provide half of his expenses.

Sounds good in theory, but from what Vagabondone has said I doubt his ex-wife is open to talking. I have been down this road, did what you mentioned. It cost me 7000 dollars in lawyers fees 25 years ago just to get my ex-wife to agree to one simple thing. Trust me, the custodial parent will use the child as a tool to get what they want. My ex lied and cheated so many times that when my daughter was older she even said how nasty her mother had been towards me.

He who has the child has the advantage.

Collinscope is spot on. In theory, the “ set down lets have a chat” does not work with my wife. Ninety percent o the  time my wife has not spoken a word when I speak to her. She either shacks her head or ignores me. She has blocked all forms of communication via email, text etc.
I retained an attorney from the outset. I have paid the suggested lobbying money. My wife submitted totally false exspense information with not one document to support anything except a new lease agreement on a place far more than her needs and in excess of half her income. And she did this after the first hearing with the judge and without knowing how the judge would rule. And the amount she pays for the house is even more than she would agree for me to pay for our first apartment by a substantial amount ironically. When we were together she was so frugal I had to fart on a rock and save the grease.
Now her frugality has flown out the wind.
Yes, it would be nice if all divorcing parents could play in the sandbox nicely. I have seen contentious divorces in America. But this has been something else. I simply keep begging her to put our sons needs first. And yes, many here will say I am not and she is by just looking at the money issue. But not for a minute do I think my son will get but a very small portion of that.

A theory that can be applied, yes. 5m, 7m or 100m, those are the amounts for other kids, not yours. I don't know you, I don't know your baby boy. If he in fact consumes almost 400g of steak per day he may be overweight and needs help from a pediatrician, who would charge his mom $50 per session. Of course I don't believe he can eat steak being an infant, but different kids, different needs and each child requires different kinds of support. You can totally tell your ex wife that you won't give in to her extortion, and if she won't sit down and discuss your kid's support requirements there will be no support, and I believe she indeed needs money each month since she only makes 10m per month.

Or you can just go on forums and ask people how much would be fair and pay as much to your ex wife while wondering if it's really reasonable.

hey Vagabondone !! I am involve in a similar situation as you are, I want to make it short to you , I did my home work in Vietnam and after asking  local females and consulting a couple of lawyers , I concluded according of what they've told me ,4 millions a month would be sufficient for a child under 5 years old living in HCMC,  !! good luck with your son !!

Sufficient is not a word I would care to use if it were re my son. In a smaller city, say Cam Ranh, 5million would be "sufficient." But I would consider that would be my son I am talking about. I would agree to x amount and then after a couple of months, increase it. I would also send specific amounts for specific purposes.  It the woman remarries which is not likely, I would continue to send that "sufficient amount" and stay in contact with the mother about the child.  I have not had this particular experience but I do provide for a godchild and consider how the money is likely to be used. The father is a bit profligate and in some respects I am feeding his spending but the consideration is that he treats the child well and specific payments for school etc do get spent, at least in part, for the intended purpose. I also send educational toys whenever something catches my eye  like  a microscope once, a set of artists' pencils and a quadrotor.

Anonymous999 wrote:

6 million a month for a preschool is not expensive. International school fees can be anywhere from 6 million to 10 for a preschooler. Even schools staffed by non native English teachers charge around 6 million. Look online.
Medical expenses at FV (you said you pay them) will cost a lot while your child is young. They are often sick.
Food, clothes, toys, you can be sure will cost a fair amount. At least 3- 5 million if you want your son to wear nice things and eat well. Clothes are not so cheap anymore.
The loving care from his grandparents cannot be measured in money.
I'm really sorry that your relationship has developed into this, but on the positive side, your son's mother is taking care of him. She is living with her parents who will also help.
I think you need to not focus so much on the money at this point. Try to work with her on finding a good preschool in her area and pay the fees. I think there is so much hate between you, that she doesn't want to meet you face to face. That really has to change or you will lose your son.
Work out a fair payment and pay it into her bank after paying the school fees to the school. This is your child. I would pay anything to make sure my kid had a safe and happy life.

Doesn't sound like the child will see any of that money.

Very good post. I read to the end.

Ibizamari wrote:

Very good post. I read to the end.

What was the answer?  Somewhere between 3.5 and 100 mill?

Personally, I don't get at all the many replies stating in the area of 5 mill or so, which is less than people spend on a good night out. As the one person said regarding why someone paid 100 mill, I've had a bill from an international school for 1 billion doing for a year. I would NEVER want my kids to have to attend a local school, so right there you're at 80 mill/month. Decent health care is not cheap. Unless you have an apartment and that's in the settlement already, you have to pay rent for the kids and don't want your kids living in a dump. Most of that is school, so if you have a much cheaper alternative, OK, it would be a lot less but 100 mill is not a crazy amount when detailed like above.

It would be nice to hear what the actual law is.

And I'd like to hear from posters above who couldn't visit their kids. Did you go back to court about that? What was done? Can support not be tied to visitation rights or even custody, if she has proven herself unwilling to follow the law and court orders? The law, from what I read, said you can see the kids whenever you want.

snoopcat wrote:

Ibizamari wrote:

Very good post. I read to the end.

What was the answer?  Somewhere between 3.5 and 100 mill?

Personally, I don't get at all the many replies stating in the area of 5 mill or so, which is less than people spend on a good night out. As the one person said regarding why someone paid 100 mill, I've had a bill from an international school for 1 billion doing for a year. I would NEVER want my kids to have to attend a local school, so right there you're at 80 mill/month. Decent health care is not cheap. Unless you have an apartment and that's in the settlement already, you have to pay rent for the kids and don't want your kids living in a dump. Most of that is school, so if you have a much cheaper alternative, OK, it would be a lot less but 100 mill is not a crazy amount when detailed like above.

There are a lot of factors that come into play with regards to this subject. The vast majority of Viets will believe the expat has deep pockets and an unlimited supply of cash. No matter what you tell them they will always believe you have more money than you say. And the fact that expats encourage this belief, especially when meeting a pretty lady they are interested in, just perpetuates the stereotype. Usually, from the mother's side, it's a matter of how much she can get and not how much she needs.

My personal view is that if you're going to have a child with a woman in Vietnam, or any foreign country, you better know what you're doing. That means learning the culture and the language, which takes years. To me, if you don't know how much it cost to support a child in Viet Nam, you have a whole lot of headaches and heartache coming your way.