Dealing with loneliness in Hungary

fluffy2560 wrote:

Good job you didn't say something like, "I only speak American".

Interesting.

Saying one speaks "American" I just take as short hand as saying "American English".  After all, we call it a "hood", not a "bonnet". I would assume "proper" English speakers would want to be clearly separated from such linguistic abominations we Americans have inflicted on your language.  

"Two nations separated by a common language" - George Bernard Shaw (or  Winston Churchill --- there is a debate).

take tk wrote:

Loneliness is a state of mind......the reality is we are never never alone......keep this on mind.....

we are never alone until the cheap builder cuts through your internet cable

SimCityAT wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

Yes, it's a true to an extent but most people cannot speak a word or refuse to try.  Nationalism trumps practicality.  The places where they are truly superb in English are The Netherlands and Scandinavia. Belgium a bit less.

I do wish I could speak another language,typical American only know English.

Never too late!!

Might have to learn a bit of Japanese soon...
My son is moving there next year and I do plan on visiting him there one day.
If his wife ever has a baby, I'll be off on the next flight over.

was it not a hungarian, garbo greta, who said i want to be left a lawn,,,,

fluffy2560 wrote:

You come alone at your peril because the chances are you ain't leaving alone.

Well, I for one met and married my wife abroad. Were married almost a decade before we moved here.

I am now actually curious about the ration of married expats who met their spouse here, versus moved here after meeting their spouse abroad.

SimonTrew wrote:

was it not a hungarian, garbo greta, who said i want to be left a lawn,,,,

If you mean the film actress, she was Swedish.

klsallee wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

You come alone at your peril because the chances are you ain't leaving alone.

Well, I for one met and married my wife abroad. Were married almost a decade before we moved here.

I am now actually curious about the ration of married expats who met their spouse here, versus moved here after meeting their spouse abroad.

I met Mrs Fluffy in Hungary so probably somewhat unique having met someone in HU.

klsallee wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

You come alone at your peril because the chances are you ain't leaving alone.

Well, I for one met and married my wife abroad. Were married almost a decade before we moved here.

I am now actually curious about the ration of married expats who met their spouse here, versus moved here after meeting their spouse abroad.

I met my HU husband in Ca. Had no idea at the time where Hungary was on the map, didn't matter, he was cute, funny and looked like a rock star to me.
Actually my older sister and I went dancing at our club, The Starwood , just the two of us sisters going out for some dancing.
I already had a boyfriend but it's was time to hang with my sister.
2 HU guys asked us to dance, both were nice and cute but one, who we still are in contact with, louis, was like a little toy, so small and short, he was just so funny and nice, The other was super handsome, Richie, he lives in Canada now.
Well I was not looking for a boyfriend but these guys were really nice and my sister started dating Richie. When we met them we both thought they were from S. America, it was so noisy in the dance club that we couldn't hear very well.
Met my husband weeks later through my sister and Richie.
Had to drop my old boyfriend . Never looked back.
My husband barely could speak English but his style and grace came through, he used all his European charm and literally knocked me off my feet.
I can be a bit of a ,"goof ball" and when I looked at him my knees went weak, thought that was a good sign. When  I first noticed my husband he had just hit his head hard on a hanging light, my sister and I started laughing. poor guy she said... 2 goof balls who found each other, just perfect!
Crazy now to say it but that accent, the way he dressed, his sports car, his confident attitude really made a huge impact on 19 year old me. Back then most guys didn't know the first thing about how to dress or wear their hair, my husband looked so stylish and it was natural the way he wore his velvet suit... What a nice memory.
Funny years later in Vegas at a custom theme party my son wore the same suit, was still a nice outfit but somehow it wore him when my husband wore it he wore the suit.
Was so used to wishy washy Hippies guys that meeting a charming European really bowled me over.
At the time I didn't know  anything about Hungary, didn't even realize my aunt was from Hungary until much later.
Never even knew I also have some HU DNA as well through my father's side.
After visiting HU in 1978 with my own eyes, I for a moment thought to myself, maybe I made a mistake, these people are nuts over here!
I then knew why my husband and his friends left Hungary,then it was so repressive and not the best place for a open minded young man to live
Guess it's different here now but first impressions are hard to forget.
Don't think I'd be looking for another mate from Hungary.
Like my mother said when I told her i met a guy from Hungary. She was upset and said, Oh God, NO not from Hungary anything but that"! Not sure why she went bonkers on me but she did.
She had her Hungarian in-laws baby sit her as a young child, things that make you wonder?...

fluffy2560 wrote:

I am now actually curious about the ration of married expats who met their spouse here, versus moved here after meeting their spouse abroad.

\i dont know how you could compile those statistics. my wife met me in england and we were married in england and also in hungary well got the stamps etc so we are double married if you want, dual matrimony if you see what i mean. i have of course the forms and certificates in both hungarian and english but i doubt to british office of national statistics keeps track nor the Hungarian \equivalent, the \ksh. \i dunno where zou would start counting. you would have to go through all the church records and add them up etc i would not know where to start. KSH (Hungarian National Statistical Office) keeps track of a lot of things but i think any stats are going to be skewed  either way, i dont think it is possible to get a genuine figure.

SimonTrew wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

I am now actually curious about the ration of married expats who met their spouse here, versus moved here after meeting their spouse abroad.

i dont know how you could compile those statistics.

Simple. Ask people directly to give their history where they met and were (first) married. Sure. It may have some inherent bias, not being a random sample etc. etc. etc.. Oh well. I don't plan to submit a paper to Nature about the results.

SimonTrew wrote:

my wife met me in england and we were married in england

Thanks for adding your data point.

klsallee wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

Good job you didn't say something like, "I only speak American".

Interesting.

Saying one speaks "American" I just take as short hand as saying "American English".  After all, we call it a "hood", not a "bonnet". I would assume "proper" English speakers would want to be clearly separated from such linguistic abominations we Americans have inflicted on your language.  

"Two nations separated by a common language" - George Bernard Shaw (or  Winston Churchill --- there is a debate).

I don't think English people would take it as shorthand.  We'd be annoyed by it.

The internet is full of apocryphal stories of people saying, "American" rather than "English".  It's really annoying.   

Obviously it's not like we (English speakers) have got Académie française or other institute hassling us and I think we like the organic growth and dynamism of the language and its versions. 

However, despite all that, and while it's a generalisation, many English people would take it as a denial or ignorance of the language origins.  That then just makes the person saying it look somewhat dimwitted!!

fluffy2560 wrote:

I don't think English people would take it as shorthand.  We'd be annoyed by it.

The internet is full of apocryphal stories of people saying, "American" rather than "English".  It's really annoying.

Well, some people are just ignorant.

But...

Having run a software company for many years, with clients in 80 countries, the "English" language issue is actually a really significant topic. But not in the way you take it. Spelling, terms, date formats, etc are different between different "English" speaking countries. When there is an option in a software for "English" and the "Union Jack" is shown, someone is going to get annoyed, somewhere, by the spelling of "color/colour". So you certainly can be annoyed by it all, but if it spelled "color", then the "Stars and Stripes" was (and is) the language flag used in the products, if it is "colour", then the "Union Jack" was the correct language option to select. If there were even more specific localization issues (currency for example), then even more specific "language flags" where used. These differences are real. Americans want to see an "American" language (et al.) option. And as a business, we certainly had to accept, and not get annoyed, by localization issues.

klsallee wrote:

Having run a software company for many years, with clients in 80 countries, the "English" language issue is actually a really significant topic. But not in the way you take it. ...  we certainly had to accept, and not get annoyed, by localization issues.

it is indeed very important to localize or localise things. i spent a lot of time behind the screen doing exactly that which is why i can spot a dot missing off a dotted dottesh turkish I etc. one thing that isnt localiyed or localised is microsoft windows into british english spelling, they do it in welsh or urdu or whatever but i have to suffer with 'color' instead of 'colour', this is a free chatsite so we can get away with typos, but in real life these things matter, totally agree.

klsallee wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

I don't think English people would take it as shorthand.  We'd be annoyed by it.

The internet is full of apocryphal stories of people saying, "American" rather than "English".  It's really annoying.

Well, some people are just ignorant.

But...

Having run a software company for many years, with clients in 80 countries, the "English" language issue is actually a really significant topic. But not in the way you take it. Spelling, terms, date formats, etc are different between different "English" speaking countries. When there is an option in a software for "English" and the "Union Jack" is shown, someone is going to get annoyed, somewhere, by the spelling of "color/colour". So you certainly can be annoyed by it all, but if it spelled "color", then the "Stars and Stripes" was (and is) the language flag used in the products, if it is "colour", then the "Union Jack" was the correct language option to select. If there were even more specific localization issues (currency for example), then even more specific "language flags" where used. These differences are real. Americans want to see an "American" language (et al.) option. And as a business, we certainly had to accept, and not get annoyed, by localization issues.

It's cool with me the way to two countries spell things differently.
If I make a spelling mistake I can always say I am being,"continental" a hope no one calls me out!

Our son met his ex Hungarian wife in Hungary.
Not sure why he was very determined that he HAD to marry a Hungarian.
He was a silly young thing, over protected and not exposed to the harsh realities of life.
He was I believe 23 or 24 at the time.
We never told him to rush into getting married but he for some reason just thought it was a thing to do and he might as well get it over with.
Whatever...
He felt it was his "duty" to have Hungarian children, crazy since although he had become a HU citizen through his father, he was born and raised in the US and up to that date in history, Hungary never did a thing for him, never went to school here, got health care here or anything. Just he thought he "owed" it to his  "ancestors" no idea where he got that from.
He was  not experienced in the ways of a ",Jezebel" . He was looking for a pretty women who could speak English and was single. ( problem was she thought of herself as single after marriage)
Looks were important to him.
Through a crazy American retired fireman who lived in our building, he met his HU wife.
She had me fooled as well, old softy here, she hoodwinked me as well as my son.
My husband and his family really couldn't stand her but I thought at the time it was because they were just being mean because she was half Gypsy.
My 80 year old MIL begged us to not let her grandson marry that women. I thought she was just being old and crazy.
Well, we should of listened.
What a wild and evil thing she turned out to be.
Long story but really she was looking for a sucker to pay her way to the USA and treat her like a princess.
Glad , so very glad they didn't have a child or I'd be stuck knowing her the rest of our lives.
Now he is married to a super loyal little Japanese lady, not a model type or movie star but has a pure heart and manners. Doesn't need all the attention his former wife demanded from everyone all the time.

SimonTrew wrote:

I am now actually curious about the ration of married expats who met their spouse here, versus moved here after meeting their spouse abroad......

\i dont know how you could compile those statistics. my wife met me in england and we were married in england and also in hungary well got the stamps etc so we are double married if you want, dual matrimony if you see what i mean. i have of course the forms and certificates in both hungarian and english but i doubt to british office of national statistics keeps track nor the Hungarian \equivalent, the \ksh. \i dunno where zou would start counting. you would have to go through all the church records and add them up etc i would not know where to start. KSH (Hungarian National Statistical Office) keeps track of a lot of things but i think any stats are going to be skewed  either way, i dont think it is possible to get a genuine figure.

Eh? You're quoting me as though I put that question but it wasn't me!  Correct atrribution would be useful.  Unfortunately there's no survey feature here on the Expat.com web site.  Could be a useful addition. But I believe we've had that discussion before - deja-vu again.

yes english has evolved. for example americans call this season fall instead of autum.but shakespeare calls it fall, it is the americans that have kept the word and the british that have lost it.

i am used to having etymological dictionaries in english to find out where these words come from because it is quite often surprising that one thinks they come from e.g. italian, there is no good reasonably priced etymological diionary in hungarian. i would guess, and it is purely a guess, that "piac" , market, is the same word underneath as piazza or place and so on but there is no way i can find for sure. and i have the best hungarian dictionaries but they do not have etymologies unless zou pay a fortune for them. \again, is that not what libraries are for, hmm is piac related to piazza or has it arrived by a totally different route, like the trams i do not catch tend do. a villamos is i doubt a from the latin villa unless it is a house on wheels, but where does it come from then, anyones guess.

i do have a shift key on this keyboard somewhere. i used to repair typewriters and went to the locksmith to see if they had a spring about like OOOH... LIKE THAT ONE. well i am not sure sir that we have it but we do have spring catalogue... well i replied so does argos....

klsallee wrote:

....
Well, some people are just ignorant.

Yes, they are indeed but it comes over as very uneducated.  Everyone in England knows that English comes from England but it appears some other places haven't cottoned onto the idea yet.  Failure of education.

klsallee wrote:

....

Having run a software company for many years, with clients in 80 countries, the "English" language issue is actually a really significant topic. But not in the way you take it. Spelling, terms, date formats, etc are different between different "English" speaking countries. When there is an option in a software for "English" and the "Union Jack" is shown, someone is going to get annoyed, somewhere, by the spelling of "color/colour". So you certainly can be annoyed by it all, but if it spelled "color", then the "Stars and Stripes" was (and is) the language flag used in the products, if it is "colour", then the "Union Jack" was the correct language option to select. If there were even more specific localization issues (currency for example), then even more specific "language flags" where used. These differences are real. Americans want to see an "American" language (et al.) option. And as a business, we certainly had to accept, and not get annoyed, by localization issues.

Well, same here and tell me about it.  Been there and got the T-shirt. It's a pain in the derrière. 

It's even worse with Hebrew or with Arabic which has weirdness of right-to-left except on dates which go left-to-right, then reversed dates and blah-blah.  And the terms used don't fit the data entry screens which are far more succinct in English.  Russian and variants with Cyrillic is a struggle and a half.

I write a lot of stuff for international (but definitely and specifically not American) consumption and I've had to adopt US spelling mainly because the assumption of the powers that be is that readers understand Americanised English more than British English.  That's both a gross and idiotic assumption of course and guaranteed to get my hackles up.   

Anglophone Africa nearly always uses British English whereas those guys in Asia are the worst for trying to bastardise spellings.  They even have corporate guidance to use American spelling. Aaargghhh, WTF!!!

I see it as one of my purposes to educate them in proper British English spelling and I will, if I can get away with it, always use British English on them. 

Strangely enough in peer review, I almost never get spelling comments from Australians or Canadians.

Oh, and at the end of that rant, I declare I am definitely off topic.

Having been born in "New England" we kids picked up allot of "Old English" ways of pronouncing words.
Totally speak through our noses most times even though we grew up in Ca.
People do tend to take after their parents.
For example, we say aunt or auntie not ant.
Caar for car, pocketbook for purse, couch for sofa soda for pop as in bubbly drinks.
Quaadar for quarter .Waal for wall.Wada for water.
It's odd mostly speak like a valley girl but those old habits come through once in awhile.

Think times hard to correct my husband's English because I am even sometimes confused as to how to exactly pronounce a word.
So not sure if it's tomatoe or tomato.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

diffrence in versions of english

you say tomato i say paradicsom, you say potato and i say spud...

tomato, cemetary, patatas or krumplie.lets call the whoe thing off.

well irving berlin was from round there and you know the song top hat white tie and tails. that makes no sense at all.

im putting on my top hat, doing up my white tie, putting on my tails
im putting on my white shirt, polishing my cufflinks sharpening my nails
im stepping out....

and surely you should put on your white shirt before you put on your tails. and not a word in there about trousers.

you would not think it beyond the wit of irving berlin to stick in a line like "im putting on me trousers

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Having been born in "New England" we kids picked up allot of "Old English" ways of pronouncing words.
Totally speak through our noses most times even though we grew up in Ca.
People do tend to take after their parents.
For example, we say aunt or auntie not ant.
Caar for car, pocketbook for purse, couch for sofa soda for pop as in bubbly drinks.
Quaadar for quarter .Waal for wall.Wada for water.
It's odd mostly speak like a valley girl but those old habits come through once in awhile.

Think times hard to correct my husband's English because I am even sometimes confused as to how to exactly pronounce a word.
So not sure if it's tomatoe or tomato.

Maybe this should go to Absolutely Anything Else.....

Gone fishin'  via: https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 61#4250335

Yes you are right. On top of the membership there are fees to go for vine tasting or tours and other things. I am a Hungarian American a dual citizen. I am fluent in Hungarian and English. I am looking for friends in Budapest. I am open for friendship.
Gabi

Well. The correct English is the one people speak in England. I have lived in Los Angels for 41yrs so I do not understand people from England.  I live in Hungary now since I was born there, and now I am a dual citizen. I teach English to kids, but I have told them Its American English. They learn proper English in school so when I tell them you wanna go? They look at me, then I say, oh do yo wan to go?
Gabi

gabi12 wrote:

Well. The correct English is the one people speak in England. I have lived in Los Angeles for 41yrs so I do not understand people from England.  I live in Hungary now since I was born there, and now I am a dual citizen. I teach English to kids, but I have told them Its American English. They learn proper English in school so when I tell them you wanna go? They look at me, then I say, oh do yo wan to go?
Gabi

I think you can easily understand English people.  It's probably 98-99% the same language except possibly for local words and a few bits of pronounciation.  All British people will understand the American English version as we watch so much American TV.  But the other way, it would be a lot harder.  Hungarian speakers I'm told find the Australian English the worst. 

British English speakers would normally say, "Do you want to go?" but slang spoken English "Wanna go?" can be equally used when people are talking to each other.  Unless using reported speech (like dialogue) or text messaging, we would never write "Wanna go?"

Tx. I was not 100 % right. Yes I find Australian accent the worst.  I had a friend, her husband was Australian I did not understand a word he was telling me. I could understand British English some, but the other night I was watching this movie of England called Bob the street cat. I had difficulty with it.  My ears are used to the US way. Plus I love the southern drawl. Well some Americans have trouble understanding my English since I speak it with an accent. I am in Los Angeles for the summer right now, I am enjoying it. I will be back in Budapest end of August. Its a nice day so I am going swimming in my friends pool. I am staying with her.
Gabi

gabi12 wrote:

I live in Hungary now since I was born there, and now I am a dual citizen. I teach English to kids, but I have told them Its American English. They learn proper English in school so when I tell them you wanna go? They look at me, then I say, oh do yo wan to go?
Gabi

it is very odd in Hungary the children are told that they learn british english but actually they pick up american english off the telly or is that teevee. it does not do them so well to be told that it is british english which is the official line when in fact it is a mix of both, i can imagine your struggle there. i do not have any children myself but am an friends with manz children jiust the neighbours  children etc, not a kiddy fiddler or anyting, and they obviouslz like to practice their english quite undertandably and i do not mind practicing with them at all, but hungarian children get condused of the two or rather it is only when they grow up a bit more they appreciatre there is a difference. deleberately mistyped because the police will arrest me for kiddy fiddling if this gets out on google etc which it will. i am no kiddy fiddler. the neighbours or neighbors their children were trying to speak english a bit to me this evening as we chucked a lot of stuff in their van and shook hands with all three of them, they are i would guess about eight or nine they are not quite tall enough to get the scrap onto the van but they try. i am doing it in hungarian they are trying to be kinda nice to me and doing it in english. i wonder what happened to the girl she was learning english maybe she does not live there any more have not seen her in ages, that only just occured to me, maybe she lives with another member of the family now.

The proper English is used in schools, but not completely British. Most people learn it because they get farther with it than any other language. The second is German since Hungarians go to Austria and Germany to get jobs, since Hungary does not pay enough even with a degree.

Hi everyone,

First of all, let me thank you for your contribution.
However, we are going very off topic.
Can we please go back to the real subject of this thread?

Priscilla wrote:

What are some potential factors that lead to loneliness when moving to Hungary?

How do you deal with feelings of loneliness?

Is it easy to expand or create a social network in Hungary?

Are there any activities or events that encourage social meet ups and networking opportunities?

Thank you for sharing your experience,

Priscilla

Thank you all,

Priscilla
Expat.com team

Hello! My husband and I are in Budapest for a few days.  Sept. 4- Sept. 10.   Would love to make new friends over a drink, coffee, etc...  We've been traveling for a few months and my husband is looking for some drinking buddies:) I'm not too much of a drinker.   Thanks for the posts- maybe this can be a bigger gathering from people of this thread.

Janet.chung wrote:

Hello! My husband and I are in Budapest for a few days.  Sept. 4- Sept. 10.   Would love to make new friends over a drink, coffee, etc...  We've been traveling for a few months and my husband is looking for some drinking buddies:) I'm not too much of a drinker.

Not Budapest.... But if you travel to the Western Balaton, let me know.

Loneliness is a state of mind......the reality is we are never never alone......keep this on mind.....

Very true. I am quite a sociable single person but I also need time on my own doing my art work and other private stuff .
As a single person in Budapest there really isn't any need to be lonely because there is a really good social scene for all ages, languages and cultures.

In recent years I have made less flakey friends via budapest  groups I belong to on facebook and on other media than on sites like this.
I am the kind of person who needs to get out and do things and most of the things I want to do are free or low cost.

I always think that if you are single and eventually have 3 to 5 good friends in your new town you have sufficient. In the countryside I have three good friends and neighbours and in town I have the same so socially that is  enough for me.
I don't have too much in common with married people of any  age because they are often set in their ways and dont want to do anything. That kind of attitude drives me crazy because I am young at heart and love to travel.

Also I would advise anybody even if they are retired to get a little part time job or to continue to work now and again. Working is always a good source of mental stimulation and sociability and you also have the few bob you earn to enable you to socialise more.

anns wrote:

Loneliness is a state of mind......the reality is we are never never alone......keep this on mind.....

Very true. I am quite a sociable single person but I also need time on my own doing my art work and other private stuff .
As a single person in Budapest there really isn't any need to be lonely because there is a really good social scene for all ages, languages and cultures.

That is true, but if you have just moved to the area, one would not where to go. Some are also shy if you are not really a people person it can be hard to deal with loneliness.

anns wrote:

In recent years I have made less flakey friends via budapest  groups I belong to on facebook and on other media than on sites like this.

Hm....

You are calling people from here more "flakey"? 

All people have at least one flaky friend. You know: the person who constantly agrees to plans—even initiates them!—and then (a) bails at the last second, (b) is astonishingly late to said plans, or (c) is simply a no-show when the time comes to actually meet up.

Isn't that is just being human?

SimCityAT wrote:

All people have at least one flaky friend.

Sure. This is true. Having friends requires patience.

But sometimes, without know it, we might be the actual flaky friend. And meanwhile just think others are the ones off kilter..... 

I was an Albatross member of Internations (paying a monthly fee), but found that I was normally working on the event days so couldn't attend functions, so I reverted to normal membership.  I rarely visit the site these days.

Brit_Magyar wrote:

I was an Albatross member of Internations (paying a monthly fee), but found that I was normally working on the event days so couldn't attend functions, so I reverted to normal membership.  I rarely visit the site these days.

What are Albatross Internationals?

Never heard of it!

https://www.internations.org/ is an international social organisation which is present in many countries, and aims to bring people together both socially and for networking.  Albatross membership of Internations is a paid level of membership which gives some extra benefits such as access to more parts of the site and a free drink when you attend an official event.