Dealing with loneliness in Colombia

Please tell me.   Im a Colombian citizen and have lived here for well over eleven years and have yet to find out how to feel socially connected and not the way written above.  when Im back in Canada my  native land socialy i feel belonging to society but here i never have felt I fit in place.   i speak spanish fluently and salsa dance.   plus im greetable and smile and greet as i walk down the street.   i really want som tips.     im a man and i am sharply distinguished as a foreigner in colombian minds and eyes.    thanks for your help.     ill be  pending to see what people. have written.   especially light skin light haired men and women who know that their apperance doesnt help them to blend into the masses.   tha.nks

Jesus loves us

Earle, 

As I'm sure you know, there are all shades and colors of people in Colombia and light skin is not at all uncommon in many places.  Speaking Spanish fluently should help you connect with people if you do some volunteer work - depending on where you are there may be dozens of volunteer activities available, in schools, hospitals, animal shelters, working with the poor, teaching reading, teaching English, it goes on and on:

https://colombia.voluntariado.org/http://www.colombiafacil.com/es/faq/vol … -colombia/https://www.senalcolombia.tv/documental … n-colombiahttps://www.voluntariosenelmundo.com/vo … -colombia/

To be able to help others and make a difference in their lives can be very rewarding for one's personal development - and keeping busy, you don't have time to be lonely!

Also, if you ever find the right person to marry in Colombia, that opens the door to many family activities with not only the immediate family but also grandparents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews and all the family friends - it is a blessing if/when they also welcome you with open arms and un cálido abrazo.

thanks....i appreciate this.   yes

Earle, there have been reports on Expat blogs about an Expat group in your city of Pereira that meets a couple of times a month.

Are you aware of a Facebook group that may still hold such meetups?

cccmedia

Priscilla wrote:

What are some potential factors that lead to loneliness when moving to Colombia?

1.  Language barrier for those who do not have conversational Spanish.

2.  Perceived cultural barriers in smaller towns and cities where Gringos are few.

3.  Lack of Expat meetups except for the largest cities.  Even Cali Expats seem to have stumbled in attempts to have a group.

cccmedia in Depto. de Nariño

Priscilla wrote:

Is it easy to expand or create a social network in Colombia?

That depends.  Depends on how gregarious you are, how motivated in this you are, how conversationally fluent you are, whether you have a spouse, relative or friends whose networks you can tap into.

cccmedia in Depto. de Nariño

Just get Colombian friends

Not just a wife you met on tbe internet either

i must redo that.   im in cali now

Priscilla wrote:

Are there any activities or events that encourage social meet ups and networking opportunities?

In some Colombian cities there are Expat-friendly groups and / or meetups.

In Medellín, there are so-called outside groups such as Medellin G--- and Medellin L----- that meet once a month for an evening event .. and may offer interest subgroups that meet separately.

In Bogotá and Medellín, Inter------ holds regular meetings.

There have been meetups at Gringo Tuesdays in Bucaramanga, according to a former Buca Expat.

There have been reports of a Facebook group that meets regularly in the largest city of the Coffee Zone.

There have been sporadic attempts at getting folks together in Cali.

The coastal cities, to my knowledge, do not have Expat-ready meetups.  Talking about such well-known places as Cartagena, Santa Marta and Barranquilla. 

In Caquetá, Cúcuta, Ipiales, Neiva, Pasto and Popayán, it's doubtful you'd find any groups or meetups where English is spoken much if at all.

  -- cccmedia, possibly the only Gringo staying this week in Ipiales, Nariño

Cali is a very friendly city - my wife's family mostly lives there - but I'm sure as you must know by now, in Colombia there are gente de bien and then there are others.  I'd look for friends only in the first group!

Although, always remember, haz el bien sin mirar a quien.

Since I'm in Cali how can we build one up?  I would really like to meet folk here from foreign countries, too!   Why have they not come about so much here ?/

I'm  Christian, but I like to meet folk from all kinds.. and I like to hang out and do cool things like hiking

Earle wrote:

Since I'm in Cali how can we build one up?  I would really like to meet folk here from foreign countries, too!

Dear Earle,

There have been many Cali threads on the forum in the last couple of years .. many of which contain posts seeking a meetup.

To locate these threads, go to the Colombia forum welcome page .. and enter Cali in the search box.  Then click .. and then scroll down the list of Cali/meetup threads.

Note that CaliRay has recently been seeking to create a meetup in Cali.  I suggest you sent him a PM message accessing his PM inbox via the icon at one of his posts.

cccmedia in Depto. de Nariño

Earle wrote:

Why have (Cali meetups) not come about so much here ?

IMO, somebody needs to take the initiative to do more than say I'd like to attend a meetup.

This could mean....

1.  Choosing a central place with specific time and date, for instance at a restaurant starting on a weekday at 7 p.m.

2.  Arrange with the restaurant for a section where the group can meet on that date.

3.  Actively promote the event on this site (and possibly elsewhere).  There may be a special section of expat.com to promote the event -- contact the Home Office to find out where that section is.  Post in the Colombia forums of expat.com ...

4.  Send PM's to active members in Cali, inviting/reminding them of the event.

5.  Work or meet with CaliRay and others who have shown recent interest, to aumentar the vibe for the upcoming event.

6.  Hold the event, and afterwards, post photos and comments on this site.

7.  Plan another event and promote it.  "Rinse and repeat."

   cccmedia

Earle, 

Since you like to hike, you should be aware that in Cali there are people who regularly hike/run up the path to the top of Cerro de las Tres Cruces.  The path starts in Barrio Granada, you could ask people who live there.  I'm sure the friendly caleños would be pleased to have a foreigner hike up with them.

Also the local paper El País which is also on-line lists and promotes activities updated throughout the week, many of them ecological and nature oriented such as hikes to Pico de Loro in the Farallones park, under their Plan Ciudad section:
http://www.elpais.com.co/

There is more to it than just speaking Spanish to Colombians.

You need to try to get into their hearts and minds to really understand where they are coming from.

They may express something with a smile, but in essence they are telling you something that affects them deeply.

There is no doubt that family, health, money, work, and education play a big part of their lives.

But try to be understanding of even the smallest thing that affects them. They sense that.

Many see us foreigners as an escape from hardships, but not of love. They will respect you more if you are on an equal plane with them.

Not all Colombians are cut from the same cloth.

Im Canadian and I suck at Spanish. Every latin america country I visit i have local amigos and amigas. Your friends have nothing to do with borders and language. I am friendly when I go out. Thats why I came here. To experience a different culture. It s the people in Colombia that matter to me, the sights are secondary.  Try not thinking us and them. Be friendly and Colombia will respond 10 fold.

ok, but a question... do you live in Colombia?  which city?    and do you look like the natives?  Jet black or brownish hair?    or blond , Canadian and standing outish?   I ask because this could change the whole experience... in a subtle or big way possibly.

Hey Earle
Im Canadian. Im blue eyed and blond. tall. I am a pensioner. I take very good care of my health so I am not fat and ugly. That puts all the odds into my favor here. Because of Canadas excellent international reputation I thrive in Colombia. And in all other Latin America countries as a matter of fact.
I rent an apartment in Armenia Colombia. This is my home.
I came here to experience a different culture. Im glad I did and I tell that to the Colombianos. I wear a yellow team shirt because I love the passions surrounding Colombias team. I share their sorrow of the defeat to England. I did not come here to bring Canada with me.
That philosophy has made my journey so so pleasant. My amigas and amigos see me as a member I think. I certainly feel I am a part of Colombia now. Everywhere I go I am greeted with smiles and interest. Yeah yeah I know there are idiotic predators out there but I  use the  "I CHOOSE" rule to keep the risk low.
Yeah your looks can give you an advantage. But you have to look good on the inside too.

Earle, 

You should not fixate on skin color and appearance - certainly the Colombians don't!  Many families in Colombia including my wife's in Cali have people from lily white to dark black and they get along just fine - and that's a reflection of Colombian society overall, although there does exist discrimination against blacks and indigenous people among the ignorant.  But not so much against large, blond, Canadian (or US) looking people!

As a US American I don't blend in, except and until I tan and wear a Panamá hat, then some say I look somewhat like a paisa...but even without any sort of "disguise" the Colombian people treat me well, que me consienten mucho, especially when I take an interest in them and ask good questions - they are happy to explain aspects of their culture.  But they can also be suspicious of people who are overly friendly - everyone is always thinking no dar papaya.

Many people would love to be in your situation - as a foreigner, holding Colombian citizenship, speaking Spanish fluently - count your blessings!  And as previously mentioned, try thinking more about others instead of thinking about yourself and dwelling on your problems - if you help other people with their problems, you may find some true friendships (although there will still be many who will just try to take advantage of you, ja ja).

One more thing Earle
I have witnessed other expats treat Colombianos (and other countries too) with great disrespect. It is obvious that they think they are superior to the peoples of this culture. I am not better, I am different. My amigas and amigos are not around me to run errands and suck up for money. They are my peers. And probably my superiors in many ways.
Yeah I know yer gonna say yes they will like you for your money. Thats why you will feel lonely.

One more thing Earle
I have witnessed other expats treat Colombianos (and other countries too) with great disrespect. It is obvious that they think they are superior to the peoples of this culture. I am not better, I am different. My amigas and amigos are not around me to run errands and suck up for money. They are my peers. And probably my superiors in many ways.
Yeah I know some are gonna say yes they will like you for your money. Thats a reason some will feel lonely. Wrong idea because it is not us and they.

Where are you located Earle?

Cali aye? or Pereira aye?

I highly appreciate your input!  God bless you, Doug!

Cali, ay! hahah

very great points, thanks, kind one!  God bless you  Jesus loves us

No, Doug, I don't think this... Thanks, nonetheless for the input

amen

I might be in Cali for my first visit soon Earle. I will let you know when i am coming. meantime if you head this way to Armenia let me know AYE  hahahahahahaha

I might be in Cali for my first visit soon Earle. I will let you know when i am coming. meantime if you head this way to Armenia let me know AYE  hahahahahahaha

LMAO

I also recommend taking a look at this international volunteer organization as well. I did one of their volunteer programs and I was delighted. Without doubt an unforgettable experience.

For me , bringing religion into the equation to try and make friends would be an absolute no no ... sorry.

@Priscilla

Espero que disfrutes mucho Piscila de tu estancia en America, seguro que echarás mucho de menos tu país de nacimiento.