Intercultural relationships in New Zealand

I am an American married to a nz male. I've been lucky to find a nz male that's lived overseas and while he still is a kiwi guy he's in touch with his emotions. I didn't realise how much our cultures would dictate facets of our whole relationship. Firstly nz is a conformist society. Even existing in society here it's hard as I am exposed to Nz males where they almost have this secret code where they act proud of how little effort they put into things especially relationships. I think the women here also act masculine to fit on which frustrates me as they don't want to know you unless you act or look that way too. I think being in touch with emotions in nz is also seen as uncool. These have been major challenges for me. You could say stoicism is a stereotypical male feature everywhere but it's a thousand times worse in nz.