Vietnamese girlfriend asking for money...Is this normal there?

A lot of Vietnamese girls are money sharks. As a foreigner, you can get any amount of girls. Don't believe a word she is saying. I think you are being very naive if you're thinking about marrying any Vietnamese girl after such a short time. Trust me, this will end in badly either way. If a girl is genuine, she won't ask you for any money. Genuine girls are out there, you just have to find them. If you give this girl money, you will only have yourself to blame.
I've been here a long time. This girl is going to take you for what she can get.

eodmatt :
eposqta :

Sir
Why ask the public at large? You have visited her and been here to see things yourself, you met her and her parents. Decide for yourself. Its a matter of hear and not business.
Thanks

Because he isn't sure and is asking advice from foreigners who live in Vietnam.

Exactly my friend, I'm not that kind of person who thinks is the most intelligent and who doesn't need any advice. I like to have as much information as possible before taking any decision. I highly appreciate  and thanks all the people who have given their advice.

Everywhere has its diffrent culture and diffrent ways of living actually with or without money you cant even go through a living bad or good but actually its the same thing without money you cant even spend a living in a proper and a good way in vietnam if you dont have money...

I have been to Vietnam three times over the past year and met two girls over this period who I was really keen on, but both constantly asked for money and got angry when I refused 10 million dong. That amount seems to be a popular request. I met both of their families and took each on a holiday, but after only about a week they started asking for big money. That was on top of wanting a new phone, Niki's, clothes etc. I'm happy to help a new girl friend, but when they become so demanding after only a week or two, forget it. I would not send any girl money until you know they are genuine and in a committed relationship. Then I would consider $100 per month to help them. Thailand is the same.
Cheers from Oz

Tony.Au :

I have been to Vietnam three times over the past year and met two girls over this period who I was really keen on, but both constantly asked for money and got angry when I refused 10 million dong. That amount seems to be a popular request. I met both of their families and took each on a holiday, but after only about a week they started asking for big money. That was on top of wanting a new phone, Niki's, clothes etc. I'm happy to help a new girl friend, but when they become so demanding after only a week or two, forget it. I would not send any girl money until you know they are genuine and in a committed relationship. Then I would consider $100 per month to help them. Thailand is the same.
Cheers from Oz

The critical amount for my "gf" is $200 monthly that matches almost her salary, at least for now. She didn't want a new phone but a 8 million dongs watch that I refused as well as you did. The two roads of this crossroads are:
1. Wouldn't a  smart good girl,  who is genuine interested in a foreigner,  want him to think that she is a gold digger, asking for any kind of help early in the relation?
2. Is a tradition or something normal in the culture of Vietnam that a man has to take care of her girlfriend to show commitment and capacity to do so after the marriage?
Once again, thanks for your advice my friend.

Here's my opinion.  Trust has to be earned by both parties. 

Vietnamese girls are also afraid of foreign men who will just take advantage of them.  I have known my gf and her friends for over a year and not only have I heard horror stories from them, but I have seen what some of these guys have done.

Much like Western women, Vietnamese women don't like cheapskates whether the guy is from VN or a foreigner.  If you come across as a tightwad, that rep will stay with you for a long time.

You only met your gf for a short time so it's difficult to tell. 

I would recommend small amount of financial support as a token of trust but not enough to be taken advantaged of.  If your gf spends it for English classes or necessities rather than shopping sprees, that would give you a better indication of what type of person she is.

If you start seeing red flags like more frequent requests, higher amounts, or not being able to verify, I would seriously rethink the whole situation and take the advice of the veterans on this forum and run!

If it all works out for you in the end, great.  If not, just think of it as the cost of dating and move on.

Sorry to say but I don't think it's normal. Asking for money at such early stage, doesn't seem very genuine to me. It's nice to support each other when you 2 are already planning for marriage, but not after spending 1 week together in person. Take things slow.

Don't give her money unless you know what kind of person she is.  Refuse at first, then see how she responds.  She may be genuinely concerned about your future together or a money-grubbing girl who will probably just leave after the first time.  If talks to many foreigners, she is probably a pro.  Check all of her online accounts, zalo, FB, Tango...

Vjsdanielk3477 :

Everywhere has its diffrent culture and diffrent ways of living actually with or without money you cant even go through a living bad or good but actually its the same thing without money you cant even spend a living in a proper and a good way in vietnam if you dont have money...

There's a good advice/statement somewhere in that jumble of words waiting to emerge.

My Dear Buddy,
By having this kind of mentality asking question over $200 for a girl that you have travelled half of the world to meet her in public forum is considered  immature, not to mention that you plan to marry her after a week. Please try to reset your mind and value valuable things in life the way it should be. Remember, nothing is free in this world, evaluate the situation delicately and put your dedication to it. Good luck and welcome to Vietnam

Ericcao1965 :

My Dear Buddy,
By having this kind of mentality asking question over $200 for a girl that you have travelled half of the world to meet her in public forum is considered  immature, not to mention that you plan to marry her after a week. Please try to reset your mind and value valuable things in life the way it should be. Remember, nothing is free in this world, evaluate the situation delicately and put your dedication to it. Good luck and welcome to Vietnam

Ericcao1965, thanks for your advice which I already made my way of life many years ago. I traveled half of the world to know a amazing country which I heard about so much during my years at the school. Meeting the girl was a plus of that fantastic trip...and by the way my friend, I will back to Vietnam soon with or without her. Regards.

Caroline_Le :

Sorry to say but I don't think it's normal. Asking for money at such early stage, doesn't seem very genuine to me. It's nice to support each other when you 2 are already planning for marriage, but not after spending 1 week together in person. Take things slow.

Caroline _Lee,  Exactly that concerning was the origin of my question.  I highly appreciate your advice . Thanks you so much.

wellfed :

Here's my opinion.  Trust has to be earned by both parties. 

Vietnamese girls are also afraid of foreign men who will just take advantage of them.  I have known my gf and her friends for over a year and not only have I heard horror stories from them, but I have seen what some of these guys have done.

Much like Western women, Vietnamese women don't like cheapskates whether the guy is from VN or a foreigner.  If you come across as a tightwad, that rep will stay with you for a long time.

You only met your gf for a short time so it's difficult to tell. 

I would recommend small amount of financial support as a token of trust but not enough to be taken advantaged of.  If your gf spends it for English classes or necessities rather than shopping sprees, that would give you a better indication of what type of person she is.

If you start seeing red flags like more frequent requests, higher amounts, or not being able to verify, I would seriously rethink the whole situation and take the advice of the veterans on this forum and run!

If it all works out for you in the end, great.  If not, just think of it as the cost of dating and move on.

Wellfed, thanks you so much for such smart advice.

"Her best friend has a boyfriend who takes care of her and now my gf started asking me money" This fact concerned me. A guy is taking care of your gf?!! Also, if she is genuine, she wouldn't rush and wouldn't ask for money either.

@Thinh Ho, I think his gf has a bf who has a boyfriend who takes care of the bf, not his gf.  Sounds confusing doesn't it.  I think the gf or fiancee has a right to ask if they are in a serious relationship.

I don't judge by the length they have known each other because I know people who got married only after a few weeks and stay happily married for years.  Then there are those who dated for ten years, never got married and parted ways.  I've seen all kinds of relationships but it all comes down to how much you put your partner's needs before your own and it needs to be both ways for it to last.

Contrary to what most people will say that you are being taken for a ride, I like to offer a different perspective.

1. This is extremely common. Boyfriends, husband, significant other are expected to pony up support money. Man = provider is still the norm in this part of the world. Have you tried to split the bill at a restaurant yet?
2. $200 a month. You have it CHEEEEEAAAAAAAAPPPP!!!! Please let her know there are limits, however. The number will likely go up over time.
3. You marry the girl, you marry her entire family. Welcome to Vietnam.

As long as you are getting whatever you need out of the relationship and $200 is a reasonable donation , I say go for it. Walk away if you think the return is not worth the investment.

Tony.Au :

I have been to Vietnam three times over the past year and met two girls over this period who I was really keen on, but both constantly asked for money and got angry when I refused 10 million dong...

Hi Tony, sorry about the bad luck, I am curious how you met the girls? Looking back, any early warning signs? Any lessons learned about how expats can avoid disappointments? There are a lot of generalizations about "gold diggers" but first hand reports are rare.  :|

Thinh Ho :

"Her best friend has a boyfriend who takes care of her and now my gf started asking me money" This fact concerned me. A guy is taking care of your gf?!! Also, if she is genuine, she wouldn't rush and wouldn't ask for money either.

Thin Ho let me clarify...My gf best friend is another girl, this girl has a boy friend from USA who takes care of her. I meant, he sends money to his gf  and other stuffs on a monthly basic. When this guy visited her girlfriend my girlfriend started asking for help. A coincidence? I don't think so.
I hope this explanation will help. Thanks in advance.

w1w1w1w1 :

Contrary to what most people will say that you are being taken for a ride, I like to offer a different perspective.

1. This is extremely common. Boyfriends, husband, significant other are expected to pony up support money. Man = provider is still the norm in this part of the world. Have you tried to split the bill at a restaurant yet?
2. $200 a month. You have it CHEEEEEAAAAAAAAPPPP!!!! Please let her know there are limits, however. The number will likely go up over time.
3. You marry the girl, you marry her entire family. Welcome to Vietnam.

As long as you are getting whatever you need out of the relationship and $200 is a reasonable donation , I say go for it. Walk away if you think the return is not worth the investment.

W1W1.. thanks for your advice.
Talking about your observation 1, that is the origin of my doubts. If this is something normal for a boyfriend and expected for him to do. I never tried that bill split act. I always took care of all of them but my gf always found the best options regarding price...I meant, this girl really knows how to safe money, a big plus for her. A gold digger doesn't act like that.
2 ...Honesty I can afford $200 easy and my american ex cost me a lot more. What concerns me is how can I know if this is something normal in Vietnam  as you said or if this is the beginning of a well planned scamming game...A gold digger doesn't wait for a year to start collecting, right?
I didn't know about the observation 3...Her family is poor but seemed to me they are decent and hard working people from the country side. This is also a good point for my gf.

I once dated this girl, she took time off work to get to know me. It turns out she wasn't quite single as she said her vietnamese ex was still kind of her boyfriend. I found out this when i landed back in vietnam with her and she had 18 missed calls from him. Non the less she actually quit her job which she had plans too anyway and told me on a good day she left her job and BF to spend precious time with me.

Now when I left, I had some GBP she was carrying for me and she reminded me to take it back. I said it's ok, you quit your job and i feel responsible so keep it. Just pay it back next time I see you if you must and when you have another job. Don't worry about having to pay it back either.

Long story short, she dumped me for her ex within 3 months of leaving and with constant mind games and asking for more money indirectly etc and how she wouldn't be serious or marry someone unless her parents were taken care off. I got the impression she wasn't comfortable asking me for more money because she never actually needed too with me as she knew i could and would take care of her... but I also got the impression it wasn't her first time asking a foreigner. Initially she never asked for money but rather advice on how to earn money online to fund her accounting courses which I thought was genuine. 

Do I regret it as I'm not seeing her again? No because she was a sweet girl just confused... the money was about a months pay for her but nothing when your from a country with high purchasing power. It's a shame, we really did have something but she didn't know what she wants.

My advice, give what your comfortable with but never when asked for. Obviously if she lost or quit her job and asked for it, it's different. But if she asks for it to buy an iphone or to go shopping... then run away. I think she spent that money in the new HM store in the end.

:)

^ Agree, if your happy to pay: go for it. Beer up, invite some chums round, split the bill, bump balls and high fives all round.


Nice girls don't ask to be payed for sex.

I met the first one through the owner of a guest house I was staying in at Long Hai. He asked me if I wanted a Vietnamese girl friend and I said yes, a genuine one, not a bar girl or prostitute. Huh, what a little liar and scammer she turned out to be. The second one contacted me via Facebook. She was the sister of a lady who owns a guest house in Long Hai  where I was invited to a family party. She seemed genuine but in our initial two weeks together, she never stopped asking for expensive things and caused big arguments trying to pressure me for 10,000,000 dong.

I'd like to weigh in here. Everyone one is giving you a keen warning, I will go the other way and say go for it. Give her the money, let's see what happens.

Am an oversea born Vietnamese born in a North American country and I've always paid for my ladies, but than again, my city has the highest type of stuck up, materialistic broads in the world. They feel so entitled, they think they deserve half your stuff if you divorce.

So, take the chance, if you can afford it. What's the most you will lose out? 1000? 2000? 10,000 dollars a year? Taking a girl out in the western world just for dinner once a weekend will cost you more than that. At least in Vietnam, you'll almost certainly have a hotter looking girl that will at least cook and clean for you.


Yogi,
Hopefully those VN girls you mentioned are trolling this thread, maybe they can learn something and play their part well. ;)
And for those western world girls, see who has the last laugh.

Ps, I'll be in Saigon, vung tau and Nha trang in January and February 2018 if you want to meet up and I could give you a real run down of this girl. PM me.

They not only think they're entitled to 1/2 the stuff if you divorce, Vietnamese law calls for it. It's called community property in the US and is really only fair.

One-half of what you have at divorce that you didn't have at marriage is hers and one-half of her stuff is yours.

The property each owned before marriage is supposed to stay with the original owner. If you give it up, it's on you.

So be sure you document well what you have at marriage.

PS  It's "weigh in"

JohnD - If only we had your fair divorce settlement in Australia, where what's hers is hers and what's yours is hers, too.

Same in UK - the divorce courts are the biggest organised crime syndicate in the country.

As for Vietnamese girls, I must be lucky. My Vietnamese wife bought us a house. The first I knew if it was when she said "come with me, I want to show you something". A 40 minute taxi ride later and I was in shock.

You guys are so lucky :)

It is my experience that asking for (and gifting) money is a common practice in Vietnam. Perhaps not after meeting and being in a relationship with someone for a week. A good friend of mine who has family in Vietnam gifts money to her aunt, uncle, cousins, and nephews every time she visits from the United States. Her mom does the same, desipite the family in Vietnam being well off and not needing the money.

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