Advice for gay couple coming to Hyderabad...

Seems they have a gay parade so things can't be that bad.

Homosexuality is a crime by law in India. You can get arrested and sent to jail.

Nash1984 wrote:

Homosexuality is a crime by law in India. You can get arrested and sent to jail.

Homosexual sex is illegal here as well but that means very little in reality as no one enforces the law except in knocking shops and that's rare.
Ladyboys are on the streets and no one much bothers, even the cops. I know a few gay dudes out here but they're left to live without any trouble.
Talking to a bloke today who's about as camp as you can get - no one cares except a tiny minority of religious extremists (Several religions), but no one listens to them because they're about as popular as being hit on the head with a hammer.
Known that guy for years and he's never mentioned the slightest hint of a problem.

What about real life - is the law bothered with in India?

There are a few homosexuals in jail due to that law.

Thanks for the advice guys. I suspect that Nash1984 means that having Homosexual sex is a crime rather than just being Homosexual. That wouldn't make any more sense than making being short and ugly a crime. Being Homosexual is just the way I am, whilst having Homosexual sex is a choice, or perhaps a compulsion ;-) Anyway, let's not get all hung-up about things. Overall, the advice is encouraging. I would like a bit more clarity about what is considered homosexual sex. For example, would it be a criminal act for two men to share a bed? Do my partner and I need to get a flat with two bedrooms and make sure both have been slept in before the maid arrives? Besides the police, should we get concerned about the religious types Fred talks about. I'm aware of religious leaders who have told their followers to beat-up / kill people for trumped-up charges with the police looking on.

I would also hugely appreciate contacts with a friendly estate agent. Gay or straight, I don't care. I just want someone who appreciates diversity. I would also like some advice about where to live - see my original post. Perhaps Fred could ask the guy he knows.

Again, thanks for the advice.

I can't help directly as I'm not in the area, but I know laws in many countries aren't always what's written on the statute books, more what happens in real life.

My point is simple, you have to work out the rules as enforced rather than look at words on paper.
The dude I know well breaks the law here but no one cares as long as it's behind closed doors. He's seriously camp and makes no secret of his sexuality - and he's one of the most popular teachers in the staff room, his bright personality lighting the place up when he walks in.

The OP needs to know the underlying feeling amongst the local population and their attitude towards gay men because that's going to have a far greater effect on his life there than laws that may or may not be enforced and are probably impossible to prove anyway as long as any fun is had in private.

Homosexuality is frowned upon in society in India.

Homosexuality is also frowned on by some people in the UK, but our society is now more enlightened so consenting adults having sex in private are no longer locked-up (since 1967 in England, 1980 in Scotland). Clearly, this is not the case in India. I've spent my life with people frowning at me and don't really care anymore; they're just stupid or jealous so I pity them. However, I do care about being locked-up in India for sharing a bed with my partner of >20 years. I also care about our maid (or my partner's work colleagues) attempting to blackmail us because of this. Hence my question about the limits of the law. However, Fred makes a good point about the difference between the law and customs regarding its enforcement. It seems like the law against homosexuals is seldom enforced for gay men having sex in private. Therefore a gay couple are very unlikely to be locked-up for sharing a bed, especially if they're Western and employed by a large multinational. This is encouraging. It also means the potential for blackmail is almost non-existent. Again, encouraging.

My understanding is that the Indian Supreme Court has recently ruled that people have a right to privacy about their sexuality so the police cannot demand a response to questions like 'are you homosexual?' Its seems like don't ask, don't tell. I can live with that. However, from the comments made it does seem sensible to engage a kickass law firm in case of problems. Can anyone recommend a big international law firm with an office in Hyderabad? Fortunately, we have a generous allowance for such things, so money isn't really a problem.

I'm very grateful to Expat.com for allowing me to ask these questions. They are very important to gay people coming to India and its good to get a range of views. I'm particularly grateful to Fred. Is there anyway his friend could contact me?

It would be very useful to get opinions directly from gay expats currently living in Hyderabad. It's not just the legal aspects, but things like in which districts to live. I suspect that in some districts we are less likely to suffer harassment / problems than others. It would be good to know where they are.

Many thanks

In India, the implementation of certain laws such as the one against homosexuality can be rather arbitrary.
The Indian Supreme Court has ruled on several matters including on privacy, however the trickling down of such judgements right down to the grassroots is rare. The right to privacy if viewed from a larger viewpoint can include all such issues.
Let me give you an example. The Aadhaar universal id was not mandated by the Indian Supreme Court across all walks of live and was optional. However, the overzealousness and bigotry of the government which sees it as a means to turn the country into an Orwellian society and a Hindu nation has seen it been applied to all walks of life.
This clearly violates the right to privacy. However, this imposition has not been halted even after the Supreme Court judgement on the right to privacy.
You will not be able to tell just about any person around you that you are homosexual just because you are Western and work for a big MNC.
If someone asks you about your marriage and you tell them that you are married to a man, they would be shocked beyond disbelief. Some unscrupulous elements may even use this info to blackmail you.
In short, you will not be able to flaunt your homosexuality in the open or discuss about it with people freely while you are here.

This really does come down to the question posed previously: does being homosexual mean you are committing a criminal offense, or is it just homosexual acts? Can you a provide reference to the law that I'm in danger of breaking? This is important because in the first case I can hardly deny being homosexual so risk blackmail from anyone seeking to make trouble. In the second case I could not be blackmailed unless there is evidence - something which would be very difficult for any trouble-maker to obtain.

I am really unlikely to associate with anyone whose knowledge of the world is so limited that they don't know that having same-sex partners in Europe is not only legal, but common place. I suspect the same will be true in India within the next 10 or 20 years, unless the country returns to the stone-age ;-) Therefore I am likely to tell anyone who asks, unless it risks us being thrown-off a tall building or put into a cage dropped into a fast flowing river. Hopefully, India and its citizens will not descend into such barbarity.

I would hope that the people we meet in India will extend the same respect for my culture as I do for theirs. It seems to me that the failure of gay people to identify as such in India is part of the problem. If they meet gay people in a long-term loving relationship perhaps they wouldn't fear them so much. Is this reasonable, or do you prefer ignorance and bigotry?

Thanks for all the advice. It's been an interesting discussion and given me some insights.

So I went to high school in India and am now dating my high school sweet heart and living with him. Let me tell you, I cannot tell anyone that I am living with my boyfriend. All my neighbors think he is my husband. His family all think I'm a "friend". The family of course know what "friend" means but... it's beyond belief. Most of my clients think I am married.

You will have to climb deep back into that closet. No, people aren't going to storm your house and see one bed... unless you give them a reason to.

Also, this applies to Indians who are now living abroad as well. I had fun at a friend's wedding recently - I'm not close to the family nor is my boyfriend but we attended. Anyway some auntie was there and she said she'd lived in Pennsylvania for 20 years. Her face flickered in disbelief when I introduced her to my boyfriend who I live with. She didn't say anything, but disbelief.

I brought up high school for a reason. I went to an international school with students from everywhere. To this day no one in my class is openly gay. And they're in different countries!