Dating - How do you date?

i don't see another answer,just try to make a date.

nice

I think going out on a date has to be fun and enjoyable.. I make money in order to spend in the way that adds to my joy and feeling good. So, "I pay or pay not" is not the question; "Do I like it?" is.

In MY opinion, women who pay 75% of the cost or more are what I call "SUCKERS".  If a man is too lazy to get a job and pay his way, kick his ass out and do NOT look back.  I am so proud to have a very intelligent and beautiful seventeen year-old daughter.  SHe is a present from GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY rule is that she can NOT date until she is twenty-five (25) years old.

I know all about the lying, lazy, dopeheads looking for a "sucker" woman to pay the bills.  I want my daughter to have the maturity to know when a "lazy slob" is just using her and for her to have the strength to kick the dopehead out immediately and NOT listen to his stupid lies!!!!!

Have a great day.

I think you make a mistake of not letting her date until 25. Most of the lessons in life you learn by experience not because your mom or dad told you how to live your life. My soon to be exhusband was younger than me andhe was in the begining of his career (while I have an established one) and he always had a job, only he made less than me.. I dont and didnt supported him financially - he had his own bills, his own car payment, etc... What bothered me was that he never offered to pay for meals out... the 25% he paid was because I asked him to. I learned not to date a man who doesnt know how to court a woman and make her feel special... I was too blind to see that when I first dated him... But I wouldnt have learned this lesson if I didnt lived through it!

Thank you for your prompt and interesting reply;

NOTED:  "I learned not to date a man who doesn't know how to court a woman and make her feel special... I was too blind to see that when I first dated him..."

Yes.  We are all human and make mistakes.  However, making a mistake which was avoidable is NOT smart.  Parents are responsible to love, teach and support their children. 

You made the mistake.  Now I want my daughter to avoid the mistake and the tremendous pain you endured.

Of course my daughter is a teeenager.  She always tells me how smart she is and she can always give a response in less than two seconds to any question, comment, etc. I have if she "WANTS TO".   YES, I have learned more from her than she has learned from me about love, family, communication, etc.

However, the reality is, "SHE IS A TEENAGER AND A TEENAGER WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT, WHEN THEY WANT REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE PARENTS SAY".  If we do NOT like reality, then we can just get an attorney and sue GOD!!!  There are a lot of attorneys here in Brasil!   Some of them are very, very expensive and will promise you that they can win any lawsuit!!!

Thank God for letting us parents have children to bring love and happiness in this world!!!

Again, thank you for your honesty and wisdom!!!

Well, I wish I can protect my son from all the pain that he will endure in his life, every parent wants that - but the reality is, we cant. Yes, I know we can learn from other people AVOIDABLE mistakes, but most of the time, we dont. Before I married this guy I always criticised women who paid for their younger male partner meals, but, at one point in life - I WAS THAT WOMAN, I knew it was wrong to do that, but I still did it. We are humans and we always make mistakes... Let your daughter life her own life, make her own mistakes and learn from them! All you can do is guide her, not put barriers (like not dating until 25), because once those barriers are down, she will make even bigger mistakes... Just saying....

@Macea I understand how you feel and am a young man who shared your opionion on the man to provide for his family and i used to think is all about who we are as men or what we have until something happened that changed my life. My ex fiancee left me for a jobless dude and neither me nor family could believe it. I used to so proud thinking I got the money and I meeting up her basic needs but that day she left me, here  is what she said to me I quote "honey my parents have  money and so do I, I need man that will listing even to my foolishness not business as usual" that day I didnt just lost her but the parents lost her too. As a young man with little experience I think you should make it a deal with your daughter and not a condition, secondily I like to bring your attention to something you have not notice, if you push she may be feel you are protecting your money and not her happiness. Hope this help cheers

This is my experience on a date..i'm the one who paid hahaha...its a date and a treat anyway..!

I want to join.ahihi..

A person needs to be making his or her own decisions when she is twenty five, really twenty five , and dad you need to let her make her own mistakes at 25 and get "your own life" a little controlling maybe???

We often learn from the mistakes that we make when we are young. For example, most 18-20 year olds do not have a lot of money to be swindled out of. If they pay their significant other's way and their SO is just a mooch, hopefully they will learn to recognize that and avoid that kind of person in the future. A 25 year old has a lot more to lose financially and a lot more on the line (in terms of trying to find someone to settle down with). Without experience they may actually be more likely to fall for the wrong person and, thinking they need to pick someone to marry soon, end up with a deadbeat husband instead of a short-term deadbeat boyfriend.

Just sharing another perspective.

Macae wrote:

I am so proud to have a very intelligent and beautiful seventeen year-old daughter.  SHe is a present from GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY rule is that she can NOT date until she is twenty-five (25) years old.

25??

She is an adult and you have no legal standing to say what she does at that age.

You start controlling her like that, it will only it will come back and haunt you.

Plapla – NOTED and thank you for your wonderful advice!!!!!!   “Let your daughter life her own life, make her own mistakes and learn from them! All you can do is guide her, not put barriers (like not dating until 25), because once those barriers are down, she will make even bigger mistakes.”
I will try to get the courage to discuss your points directly with her.  Of course, I know who will win the “discussion” BEFORE I even start, as my daughter is definitely smarter than me.   Thanks GOD for that!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


ajadams  NOTED and lessons learned: “My ex fiancée left me for a jobless dude and neither me nor family could believe it. I used to so proud thinking I got the money and I meeting up her basic needs but that day she left me, here is what she said to me I quote "honey my parents have money and so do I, I need man that will listing even to my foolishness not business as usual"”.

Your ex fiancée did you a HUGE favor.  Women want different things than men want.  Did you learn your lesson?  Probably like most men, you think with your penis and then only about your money.   The lady you were dating was just a trophy to show off to your men friends or to try to impress your parents.  If you do not like that men and women think differently, again please go hire a BRAZILIAN lawyer and sue GOD, but PLEASE stop your whining and bellyaching because it is very depressing!  Your ex fiancée did you a favor BEFORE the marriage.   It is a very good thing you did NOT get married as you would have ended up divorced.  When you get a divorce here in Brasil, as a man you will go through a living hell.  It is too bad that my dear friend James Woodward is not here to hit you over the head with a baseball bat and knock some sense in you!!!  Grow up and move on.

Otherwise have a great day and enjoy the wonderful country of Brasil where the GOOOOOOOOOD is much more than the BAD!!!

John from Macae

SimCityAT,

Please do not worry about me controlling my daughter.  She was born in Houston, Texas and I remember this on a daily basis.  Her nickname when she was crawling on the floor was “Bulldozer”, as she went where and when she wanted to go.  She has the DNA of her Dad.   When she was introduced to our friends, it was stated many, many times that “Do NOT need to do a DNA test as we know who is the dad.”  I have been told that I am “teimoso”.  She has ALL of my DNA in this area but the personality of the sweetness person on earth.  I LOVE her dearly!!!!

Have a GREAT day as I need to get back to work now!!
John from Macae

Well john it's easy to see that you love your daughter! We need more fathers like you , but I think as she gets older you will be able to let go and let her live her own life , if she has your DNA well she will demand her freedom with or without you consent , so you will not have to let go she will do all this for you, great father , but you will see there is a time to let go and for you my friend , the day is coming fast , I have 5 children , I know , they all made mistakes , but in life they are all successful! Not because of my choices for them , but for their choices , good luck sir , but you have our priorities right , I can see you daughter comes first!! I think you will soften your stance on dating , she will force you to , if you gave her a great foundation then she will be fine , relax dad and let her grow on her own , it's close to letting go time!

Okay Macea best of luck and yes I have learned my lesson and still learning. I have realized we never stop learning as long as we live and want to be successful in anything.

Twinsguy20;  WOW!!!   NOTED “I have 5 children”   May GOD bless you and James Woodward.

You have written a most enjoyable item for me to enjoy during my coffee break!!!  Thank you.

I was born the 5th of thirteen (13) children.  My old man, JW, loved every one of them.  When he with age and living in the nursing home, he was always so proud to talk about them. When living there by himself (mom had already died), I never heard him say a bad word about any child of his despite ALL of the issues. 

My oldest brother, Jimmy, when he was sixteen years old took the car out by himself and died in a car wreck.  JW was working on the US Postal train sorting mail and came home from Charlotte NC.  He saw a car that looked his.  He found his oldest son was dead.   I think JW never forgot a single day for the rest of his life his son Jimmy despite all of the issues of “teenagers” growing up.  I have been told, that there is no pain like that of a parent when one of their children die.

JW told me once, “Every child is different”.  I guess this is what GOD wanted to give to parents, a challenge for making love/having sex/getting hooked up, etc., etc.

Enjoy your day and THANK YOU for sharing your wisdom and kindness!!!

John from Macae

In my country normally the man is the person who pays the bill. Call it old fashioned, call it machism ...if you like even call it rasism but that's the way it happens.

However, there was a very interesting situation from my teenage years, when I was dating one special girl. Following the pattern I was always paying the bills and not letting her do it. BUT on our 4-5 th date when I was just about to pay and she asked to do it, I refused again. Then she said:
"Lisen, if you don't let me pay this bill, then you don't call me anymore!"
From that moment on we never argued about bills any more. If one was paid by me, the other was paid by her. Case closed.

So whatever perceptions are, whoever calims he is the BOSS, this does neither excuse nor relieve the other party from being independent, equal and responsible.

That's more along the lines of an equal balance, a "give and take mentality", over the years I gave my partner various cars, she then gave them back if a warning light came on!! The foundations can be set early on in the relationship there are people who will be quite happy to sit back and allow the other partner to pay and it can at first be something small or inexpensive, but if that progresses into a one way situation then it is an unfair balance? But regards dating treating a woman with courtesy and paying a bill on a date is still the way to go in my opinion and not a green light to expect something back in return either, think how you would have wanted your own mother or sisters treated on first dates etc.....
Nothing wrong with some old fashioned values.
Steve. (a UK Dinosaur!)

hahah lolz

This is straight out of the rulebook "how to alienate your daughter" keep doing what you are doing and do not investigate further because you may be surprised to find out things about your daughter because if she has any sense you only know what she wants you to know.

Stepool1970...exactly

You are kind of right - it is about balance. You are also right about courtesy and treating a woman when on a date.... but if this is not your first date (things are more sirious), and the woman shows she's a person with own opinion, defending her grounds, insisting on balance and ... says "either I pay or you do not call any more" ?

Hello   NOTED:  "Rc2702 - This is straight out of the rulebook "how to alienate your daughter" keep doing what you are doing and do not investigate further because you may be surprised to find out things about your daughter because if she has any sense you only know what she wants you to know."

Could you PLEASE tell me where I can buy this "rulebook"?  This "rulebook" sounds very interesting and informative. 

Thank you for your wisdom or passing on the info about this "rulebook".

I am sure if James Woodward was here he could tell me where to buy this wonderful "rulebook".  God bless James!!!

Have a GREAT day!!!

kristiann, Thank you for your informative post!!!

NOTED:  “In my country normally the man is the person who pays the bill. Call it old fashioned, call it machism ...if you like even call it rasism   but that's the way it happens.

. . .
So whatever perceptions are, whoever claims he is the BOSS, this does neither excuse nor relieve the other party from being independent, equal and responsible.”

WOW!!!   I did not know going out on a date was about claiming to be the “BOSS”.  It is good to learn something everyday.

Thank you for informing me and letting me learn something new.  Most appreciated!!!!

Oh.  Yes, James Woodward, we need to discuss this in more detail as I must have missed your Lesson 101 on dating.  James, it would be really appreciated if we could do a Skype video so I could learn about going out on a date and being the “BOSS”.  I reckon I will just have to do a Skype video with Paul in Indonesia and let him fill me in since James, you are NOT doing your job!!!!

Have a GREAT day!!!

Been an interesting read ! 

wow, really interesting post!

Very, very interesting!!!

Have a Happy Easter and thank you for sharing your stimulating thoughts.

Okay twinsguy20,

I was just skimming by and had to stop to respond to your post. Put in a bit of balance as it were.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that generally women will think a man who complements them is a stalker.  Not actually true ya know. I suspect it depends on the guy, what he did, or said and then the woman.

I encountered that situation not long ago and I did not call him a stalker until it was pretty obvious he was. He was nice enough , we had coffee, and chatted. There were already some warning bells. He didn't like my choice of coffee places. Yet we met again at his choice of coffee place, and the effort to control me began. I didn't, he said shop at the right stores, he was visibly angry that I became a permanent resident, because he had just started the process after being a temp for 4 years.

I told him I would be unavailable for awhile, He found out where I was living ( wasn't hard my coffee shop is in my neighborhood, so he knew  what street I lived on) and he showed up at my house, he called numerous times. I refused to open the door, and told him that I just wasn't what he was looking for, after he emailed that he had arranged that we have dinner at 8 pm with some snowbirds he had met. It was at a restaurant I never heard of.  That's stalking.

Yes that's stalking for sure!

An excellent, balanced post, Monica. I'm the proud father of four daughters (two sons in the mix, as well), and six grand-daughters.

One bitter lesson that I learned (as a male parenting figure), many years ago, was that even in the best of father-daughter relationships, any attempt to dogmatically control the "multiple-infatuations" phases of a teen-age girl's dramatic life, ultimately "evolves" to become a frustrating effort in total futility,.,.....guaranteed!

We simply had the Norplant capsule injected; gave gentle, loving guidance "nudges" (whenever possible), then prayed for the best of possible college-preparatory outcomes.

Thankfully, with all "peer-pressure-influenced temptations" things considered, we managed to hit four (out of four) home runs, to our astonishment

ARB360 wrote:

One bitter lesson that I learned (as a male parenting figure), many years ago, was that even in the best of father-daughter relationships, any attempt to dogmatically control

I won't be doing that, but I will be buying a shotgun.
I know what I'm like so I know what other lecherous buggers will be after.

Cancelled post.

kristiann wrote:

In my country normally the man is the person who pays the bill. Call it old fashioned, call it machism ...if you like even call it rasism but that's the way it happens.

However, there was a very interesting situation from my teenage years, when I was dating one special girl. Following the pattern I was always paying the bills and not letting her do it. BUT on our 4-5 th date when I was just about to pay and she asked to do it, I refused again. Then she said:
"Lisen, if you don't let me pay this bill, then you don't call me anymore!"
From that moment on we never argued about bills any more. If one was paid by me, the other was paid by her. Case closed.

So whatever perceptions are, whoever calims he is the BOSS, this does neither excuse nor relieve the other party from being independent, equal and responsible.

Amen to that, sir!

Fred, DULY NOTED:    "I won't be doing that, but I will be buying a shotgun."

PLEASE make sure it is an automatic and that you have two extra cases of shells.  From what I  know, the young teenage boys are persistent and quite dangerous.  When I went hunting Texas one time, I heard the rattle of a rattle snake.  I did not wait to look him in the eyes and ask if he was friendly or not, as my stomach was in my mouth and my hands were shaking tremendously.  As such, I shot that gun until I stopped shaking.  I then ran to get the hell out of there.  (A true story.)

Have a great day and  a Happy Easter.
John

travellight; NOTED:  “I encountered that situation not long ago and I did not call him a stalker until it was pretty obvious he was. He was nice enough , we had coffee, and chatted. There were already some warning bells. He didn't like my choice of coffee places. Yet we met again at his choice of coffee place, and the effort to control me began. I didn't, he said shop at the right stores, he was visibly angry that I became a permanent resident, because he had just started the process after being a temp for 4 years.

I told him I would be unavailable for awhile, He found out where I was living ( wasn't hard my coffee shop is in my neighborhood, so he knew  what street I lived on) and he showed up at my house, he called numerous times. I refused to open the door, and told him that I just wasn't what he was looking for, after he emailed that he had arranged that we have dinner at 8 pm with some snowbirds he had met. It was at a restaurant I never heard of.  That's stalking.”

Your suffering is NOT unique.   I SUGGEST that PLEASE, the next time, IMMEDIATELY call the cops, file a report, ask for restraining order.  I do NOT want my daughter to ever have to endure this repeated type of abuse!!!!!  Give the police his full name, phone number, email, description, etc.  THOUSANDS OF WOMEN have been suckered in and raped or murdered when it could have been prevented.  IT does NOT matter that at onetime , you  had fun together, etc.   You can NOT judge a book by its cover.  Things change or you find out the real person is a jerk or worse.   IMMEDIATELY put his email on the spam list!!!!!   Block his phone number.  Put up a security cameras.  Give a picture to your neighbors and tell your friends and family.  Put it in writing!!!!!  Prevention is much better than being stalked, raped or murdered.  If he ever knocks on your door call 911 and have your phone call recorded and have the cops to come and remove him.  Do NOT speak to him!!!  Let the cops talk to him, NOT you!!
  Your life is in danger!!!!!

Best wishes,
John