Close

to get married or not to get married

Hi guys,

It's been 5.5 years since I started dating my Algerian boyfriend. After a couple of years of dating, we moved in together. He is awesome in bed, A+++. However, in other ways our relationships were not exactly perfect; in fact, most of the times we avoided arguments because I chose to keep quiet. I had a hope-maybe he would change and become more tender (outside the bed), bring me flowers at least once or twice a year, buy a car, find a job so we could afford some small summer/holiday trips or just  ANYTHING except cinema and going dutch to restaurants. Guess it was too much to ask....

Then at one point he went back to his country and spent 9 month there...I was waiting for him, we were faithful to each other. I visited Algeria once-I was invited to his brother's wedding...

I liked Algeria, but more as a vacation destination, not as a place to live permanently...meanwhile, he kept telling me that he wants to go back to his country to live, work, have a family, and finally die, there. It was long ago that he started dreaming about our life as a couple in Algeria.... He never pushed or begged or tried to convince me to live in Algeria with him-he said it is completely my choice. And he said that Algeria is his choice. So I may choose to come live with him or stay in my country and find another man, but he is going to Algeria for sure.

My mom hates the very idea of me getting married to a muslim guy and leaving the beautiful country we live in. Raising our future kids as good muslims??? she don't wanna hear about that. She flicks out immediately when I start talking about my boyfriend and tells me that she should have never let him into our house and our family.

I value both my mother and my boyfriend. I respect my mom, and have always been an obedient child. Her attitude deeply hurts me. In the same time, I love my boyfriend. He is also my best friend, he is very wise and smart and I find him brilliant ( if only I could upgrade him so he picks his socks and washes the dishes, he would be my superhero)...

It's been several years now that he talked about us living in Algeria every day.... I didn't really take those talks seriously...but he finally bought 2 tickets to Algeria a month ago. The flight is scheduled for Saturday, the day after tomorrow...... and I am getting cold feet....I mean, getting married is one thing...but he wants us to LIVE there, have a family THERE, raise kids THERE.....I speak no arabic and little french....his city is VERY small and there are practically NO shopping centres, no restaurants (except dirty cafeterias and coffee shops that are considered not appropriate for women to go to)...Forget the cinema, theatres, circus-there is 0 entertainment!! apart from this, only locally produced/basic goods are available on market.... for instance, only white sugar (I only eat brown), no quinoa, pistachio, salmon, not even TWIX!!!! any time someone goes abroad, they give him a list of what to bring back. Since he is flying back after tomorrow, he bought a big pack of Duracell batteries, a huge bag of pistashio, a pack of salmon, a pack of oral B toothbrushes, a pack of dental floss...and I am not talking here about the clothes, accessories, cosmetics, electronics, baby items, home appliances.... they are either not available or available in a very limited quantity, limited to none choice of colour/size, and at a huge price!!! I ask my boyfriend, why the f*** would one ever want to go back to such country....he says there may be business opportunities, because he knows more people than here....and because Algeria is a developing country, and there is much to do....

It's been several months now that I try to figure out a 'simple' question-to be or not to be, to get married or not...... The flight is after tomorrow.... if I miss it, he said, it ll be over, because his whole family is waiting for US, together, and the marriage is planned to take place next month....so it's NOW OR NEVER.... I got no-one with whom I can speak freely about this, because my friends simply would't understand why one would leave Canada for Algeria..... well, seems like you guys are my last hope.... I am loosing appetite (which never happened to me) and do not recognize myself in the mirror-my eyes are red, the tears never really dry, and I just look very sad....

I told my BF several times very clearly that I do not wanna settle down in Algeria. Today I told him that I am not going with him-and he was shocked....how come, he asked?? luggage packed, parents and whole family waiting....what a shame, what an embarrassing situation, he said.... worst of all-I hate to even think of making him go through all this, but....I just don't know what to do.... I am completely lost.... whatever the choice I make, I will loose a paramount person in my life-either my mother or my boyfriend....

Really hard to be in a situation of choosing between " brown sugar, quinoa, pistachio, salmon, Twix.. " from a side and your " guy " from the other side, I wouldn't wish that situation on my worst enemy !!

you are not belong to him, girl!
i will recommend NOT to marry him!

Move on.

U hv made a decision not to go. Subconciously that is what u really want . If u change your mind n go to  algeria to please him...sooner or later u will rebel n regret u wasted yr life..just saying..

Please tell us how things ended up. I felt the same way you did while I was there. The people were and my new family were amazing but I missed the little things from home (like Reese).

The only upside of your relationship with him seems to be that he is awesome in bed. Most of the times you avoid arguments? That's not healthy at all. I am not saying constant arguing is healthy but finding a solution should be much more important. And considering the downside of your relationship, according to your complaints, they are just too many. Do the math. And don't choose anyone over your mother, ever.

New topic

Expatriate health insurance in Algeria

Free advice and quotation service to choose an expat health insurance in Algeria

Moving to Algeria

Find tips from professionals about moving to Algeria

Travel insurance in Algeria

Enjoy stress-free travel to Algeria