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Bored and frustrated in Copenhagen!?

I know, I know, it is almost impossible to get bored even for an hour in a great and vivid city like Copenhagen. And yet, I am bored!

I moved here three months ago with my BF, who started his studies at Roskilde University in September. Now, he has made new friends and is hanging out with them, while I go to pubs and the movies by myself... He never asks me to join them when they go out Friday night or when they plan a trip to some other town. When I ask him why is that, he says he doesn't want for his two worlds to collide. Pfff. I am so pissed at him sometimes that I am planning to kill him in his sleep. But, on the other hand, he is very much useful, I must admit - when we move from one rented place to another, he is the one does all the dragging of the luggage; he cooks, does the dishes and the laundry. And besides, he is very, very beautiful :)

Anyone who's been experiencing the same problems since they came to Denmark?

Not quite, Ive been trough much worse

Are you jealous or afraid he might have someone else?

While surely its a bit rude not to include you on any of that, perhaps he wants to spend time with his friends, do boys stuff, I dont know. The point here is if he cares for you you shouldn't worry too much. Try to make him a surprise or another from time to time, just for the surprise element. I know what it is to be on a broken down relationship and if he does all those things for you I think it is a good sign things are going well. try and talk with him and certainly dont start stressing, that messes things up!

I came to Denmark alone but I have been in similar situation while with an ex, and to put it plainly, this is not acceptable, if you are a couple you do couple things, and he should be including you so you can make friends with friends of his friends.

It is difficult making friends in a new country, I have been here 3 months also and so far been on one terrible internet date and only friends i have are my bosses.

I've joined meet up app, to try meet more people, but if anyone wants to have coffee or catch a movie, I go alone to cinema which I quite like but company is good, so drop me an email

Lynliam :

I came to Denmark alone but I have been in similar situation while with an ex, and to put it plainly, this is not acceptable, if you are a couple you do couple things, and he should be including you so you can make friends with friends of his friends.

It is difficult making friends in a new country, I have been here 3 months also and so far been on one terrible internet date and only friends i have are my bosses.

I've joined meet up app, to try meet more people, but if anyone wants to have coffee or catch a movie, I go alone to cinema which I quite like but company is good, so drop me an email

I'm not sure she is saying they dont do couple things, just that she would like him to include her when he plans something with friends. I much agree with your way of thinking, but that doesn't mean he is a bad guy, it appears he cares for her in other ways.

I wouldn't mind going somewhere, if you want PM me, your email is not public

Thanks, man, it's been really helpful what you say.

Well, I understand what you are saying. I mean, I am also a very private person and sometimes (to be honest, MANY times!) I want to be left alone and do the things I like doing by myself.  And I understand that he needs his private moments, too. Only, it's just not the thing, I'm afraid.  What I know for sure, though, is that he has some issues he is not able to overcome,  but it all reflects on me. The thing is he is much younger than me and very frustrated in some ways, and every time when I bring the subject up he gets furious. What I suspect is that he has this "teenage disease" - he doesn't want to fall behind, he doesn't want to be associated with somebody like me, I don't know, really. They are on everything - Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, you name it... And if they do not come up to other people's expectations of being cool, it kills them.

Vukovska :

Thanks, man, it's been really helpful what you say.

Well, I understand what you are saying. I mean, I am also a very private person and sometimes (to be honest, MANY times!) I want to be left alone and do the things I like doing by myself.  And I understand that he needs his private moments, too. Only, it's just not the thing, I'm afraid.  What I know for sure, though, is that he has some issues he is not able to overcome,  but it all reflects on me. The thing is he is much younger than me and very frustrated in some ways, and every time when I bring the subject up he gets furious. What I suspect is that he has this "teenage disease" - he doesn't want to fall behind, he doesn't want to be associated with somebody like me, I don't know, really. They are on everything - Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, you name it... And if they do not come up to other people's expectations of being cool, it kills them.

Make it very clear that you are not happy with the way things are going and let him choose. This is hard as hell, but you need to stay firm! When you love someone you go the extra mile for that person, if he doesn't, I'm not going to tell you what you already know.

Most importantly, don't blame yourself, he might be cute as hell, but does he make you happy?

I cannot let him choose, because the immature and self-absorbed person he is at this point of his life, he might not know exactly what he is going for. I guess I should be patient, although this is too much of a sacrifice on my behalf, as I see it, because I am a very independent person myself. I mean, I wouldn't do anything just to keep a guy ... And yes, he makes me happy occasionally - we are pretty much on the same wavelength when it comes to almost everything, and yet, there is a huge gap between us when it comes to experience and intellectual capacity.

Vukovska, this is the classical dilemma: Unconsciously, you know what will be the best for you in the long run, but you hope you are wrong and therefore ask the community for advice.

If we take that it was another person who had written this post what would you have advised the other person to do?

In matters of importance, it is always good not to act rashly. My best advice will therefore be that you give your relationship a little more time, but that you use this time to create your own social circle. As things are now, you are too dependent on a single person which also makes it more difficult/impossible to draw the right decision.

Best wishes
/Nellie

Couldn't have said it better.

You'll be trying to steer the relationship on your own, get frustrated, etc.

Sometimes people love in Awkward ways and they tend to take you for granted. If you tell him your feelings and stay firm that would give him a chance to make a decision - I'm not saying to break up or anything just take the time to understand if you're loosing your time or give him an opportunity and see how he reacts to this.

If he likes you he will appreciate and it will make your relationship stronger.

Don't wait until life gets more complicated with children, etc.

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