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I need someone to help me cry

My house is nearly complete. I am on cloud nine, so excited about it. My life as a bachelor is interesting to say the least. Especially living here in the tropics. One of the drawbacks is that I eat out all the time. So I decided to start living a more normal life and hire a maid to cook dinner and keep the house clean. Thinking this will save on me having to get service from different areas such as laundry and part time household cleaning and eating out twice a day....

Well thinking that I can just bundle it all up in one hiring I decided to access a few people for potential prospects. Which actually worked out pretty good because the people I told of my intentions had access to women who were qualified for the job.

I let them know that I had specific requirements ; no small children, must be over 40 (for muturity sake), English Speaking, live in or out, able to cook multi cultural meals.

My salary offer is 15k... Primarily because the qualifications I request are the same as the agencies that place overseas working... These women are able to get twice that working abroad. So many scoffed at the 15k because they are only interested in working long enough to pay agency fees then they are on a plane. The only ones left are the ones who don't speak English and they are only able to get 4 to 5k per month... So I  know that I need to attract the good worker with a better than average pay.

Well a lady who I shared my needs with found me a couple of candidates. One was too good to be true. Her name is Edna.  Now Edna came with one drawback. She has small children but, she assured me that all of her 6 kids are in school. Her mother in law is at home to tend to them. Her husband works construction but it's very hard on the family so she needs to be employed as well. Plus they live with his family. So after showing her the house and explaining to her what I expected from her. I agreed to hire her. I told her that I wanted her to start working on the 1st of June  in two weeks. I  added her to my Facebook we exchanged numbers and she made a list of the things I needed such as pots and pans and dishes. I  told her that she would be buying everything as well as groceries on her first day of work.

Well the starting day was here in no time... Edna was at the door with bells on all ready for work... We talked about our plans for the day. I gave her the money to buy groceries and essentials and then I suggested that we go to her house and meet the family. I  was even more happy that I hired her because the house was but two rooms and she has a husband and 6 kids and they live with his mom and dad... So I could only think that this was a godsend for them.

Well after that we parted company. I  later came back home around 1pm to notice she had returned with everything she needed to get started. I gave her a brand new smart phone (4k) and told her that I will be taking it out of her pay later and she agreed to that. Now the reason she needed the phone was so that she could access YouTube videos for instructions on how to prepare various dishes. Not a problem. So again I leave but, not before letting her know that I wouldn't be coming back home until later. I told her that once she was done with what she was doing that she could head home... I  also informed her that she never had to work past 430pm.  So I  last saw her at 1pm...

That same day around 7:30pm I get a call from my friend Tessie saying that she was outside my house with the police. She sounded very nervous and confused. She asked me where was I and I told her I was in Laoag. I asked her what was going on. She says that the police and Edna's husband came to her house saying that Edna never returned home... OMG  my heart sunk. A million thoughts rolled through my head. I am thinking that she might be inside the house in some form of distress... I asked Tessie to use her key to get in my house and she was so nervous that she left her house with out the extra key... So the police drove her home and she got the keys and the police searching my house inside and out. No sign of Edna. I asked Tessie to check and make sure my money was in its hiding place. Yes I showed Edna where the money was  because after all she was to be trusted with access to it because as my maid if I can't trust her then I can't hire her.

Well the money was there undisturbed. Plus the change from her earlier shopping. Well that was only cause for a new round of worrying. I  then head back home driving  like Richard Petty... I  go straight to Tessie's house. Once inside I could see that Tessie was shaken and angry. She tells me that after the search of my house her and the police officer (who by the way is her nephew) they go back to the police station and whalla, there's Edna sitting and talking to the police lady. Edna was filing a report of domestic violence against her husband. Remember he said she never came home from work at my house... Come to find out  the husband upon her return home attacked her and beat the crap out of her because his dad tells him that she must be doing other things for me because 15k is too much pay and plus she came home happy about that new phone... WTH?  ALSO, this is after a few RED BULLS... That's right dad and son are alcoholics. My heart sank... I  was so outdone I could hardly breathe. Tessie saying that she tried to explain to the husband that I in no way would try anything improper with his wife and that I even went to his home to meet him... She told him that because his wife was fluent in English and that is how and why she was being paid so well. But,  you can't make sense to a drunkard. I  assured Tessie that I would have no more contact with them...

Wouldn't you guess it.  The very next day while I was outside making me some coconut oil this clown rides up with Edna and a few of their kids. He came to apologize for his mis behavior. I  asked them to wait there at my house. I told him that I was going to go get Ate Tessie because she's my paid interpreter. I  left and returned with Tessie who informs them that under no circumstances would I re hire his wife and that she should keep the phone and I gave her money earlier and that she should keep that as well. Like most abusers he thought a big grin and happy face would be enough but it wasn't for me because once you forgive an abuser you enter a vicious cycle of bad behavior...

The only bright side is I received a text from her telling me how grateful she was and that she was in Manila. Yep,  she left his butt... Good for her. It's just sad because she has 6 kids and a bleak future.

So now I have this 3500sq/ft home and no one to cook for me and keep it clean...

It's not the first time my thinking I'm doing good gets misinterpreted...you guys be careful when dealing with these people they have a CRAB BARREL MENTALITY.

Why do you need someone to help you cry?

How did you circumvent  the law about not allowing foreigners to own real property in the Philippines?

My Son and daughter in law has the titles to all my properties . My daughter in law is Pinoy. All I ask is that I remain here here till I die...lol then they can do whatever they want to it. He retires in five years from the Army and I am building their home as well as their siblings.

ok that explains it, Good luck with finding a housekeeper/cook

Dude lighten up.... It's called A pitty party...an American expression... nothing serious.

sirrobcentral :

Dude lighten up.... It's called A pitty party...an American expression... nothing serious.

What a waste of time that sounds.
Dude, learn from your error then get on with some smiling.

Sir,

If I am on your side, I would rather have a working student (male/female) age 18-25 and at least college level,  But you have to get them from a very trusted recommendation of your friend..

The following are my reasons:
1. They have no kids
2. Goal oriented... Basically
3. Can speak English
4. Smart
5. They're mostly honest, because salary is used as their bread and butter..
6. No complications.
7. Tip: for long-term commitment.. Please contribute SSS for them.

Just a thought of ideas, I have mine, and they almost do beyond my expectations.. (Not all are crab mentality) check on their background..

Good luck,

Dophene

LOL, I feel sorry for you my brother,but that is life in the Philippines. Yes some do act like crabs and some do not. I feel for Edna also she maybe thought life had changed and GOD was smiling on her,and maybe he was by showing her what her life could be away from her husband and father in Law. I would say,I will cry for the kids,because they have nothing to do with this,but it seems to happen all the time. I respect that you tried to help her and her family. So do not cry, just be glad it was nothing worse and she sees another side of life for herself. 3500 sq ft  bless you that would remind me of my house in Toronto Canada when I lived there. I had a house built about that size on a large lot.(Really miss that house with a basement (Man Cave),lol)  Have a smaller one in Florida now and even smaller in the Philippines. Cheer-up brother I am sure you will be blessed with another YaYa without a husband that will look to make you her husband. LOL Pity Party done lol

Consider yourself fortunate. This incident happened on her first day at work and while you were away. It's good that you've learned early on what her family is like, and separated yourself from them. So, don't be sad. Here's a big hug for your pity party.  :par: LOL.

15k is too much for a housekeeper, especially one in the provinces where the rate of a housekeeper in lower than in the city. So, now that you've mentioned you offered 15k for your former housekeeper, there will be a lot of potential employees at your door. And for 15k, you'll find one who not only speaks fluent English and has good housekeeping skills, but also can be a girl Friday.

Just an observation: In the Philippines, it's ok to place an ad for work saying you want an employee who is preferably a certain age level, or single, or does not have small kids. You cannot do that in America.

When you said "a few Red Bulls" (energy drink), did you mean "a few Red Horse" (extra strong beer)? 

Congratulations on your nearly completed house.

Thanks Phil, yes I meant Red Horse... he he he you can tell I don't drink.

I'm going to stay the course in trying to locate a good maid. I think it's going to be easier now that I know what to look for. The big problem is that many of the women want the Job simply to earn money to pay agency fee so that they can go abroad... Agency fees for Hong Kong is 30k. But the pay is upwards of 25 to 40k...so I'm really not paying enough for the qualifications I'm looking for.

If only I am close to your place, I will ask you to hire me.  I can easily do all those things even though I am not a DH ( Lol),  But, I am far.

Actually, I was wondering why you need someone to help you cry and that is the reason I decided to read it, that was really eye-catching. 


Good luck, anyway...

When we were little kids we were 3 kids. My sister,brother,and me the youngest. If my sister got scolded by Mom she would go out on the porch steps and cry. I would be on one side of her and my brother on the other and we would be crying also even though we hadn't been scolded. My Mom would find that touching. She tells everyone about how me and my brother would help her cry...so instead of asking people to feel sorry for me I use this expression, HELP ME CRY... It's mainly to be taken jokingly. I am in awe of how many people actually think I am crying about this... I simply want to share my experience with others. I have learned so much from reading these posts. Many of you share your experiences and because of that I have avoided some situations that may not be good. So even though my intentions In this situation was honest the outcome was disastrous. So please don't tell me to get over it and smile... I'm doing that... I just know that there may be someone who i can help with telling this story.



😂 I love you guys, Nathan

Nathan, 

That explains a lot.  But anyways,  we learned from your story and it's worth to be shared to others not to repeat the same situation in the future..  I admit I have been following views and opinions on this "help me cry" page and keeps me excited to see the advises by others..

Wish you luck! 👄

I have heard of nurses not even making 15,000 pesos per month. When you consider the average family lives on something like 10,000 pesos your salary is way above average. As you requested I'm sending one artificial cry with a 30 day money back guarantee. Remember its more fun in the Philippines.

I've been here on and off looking for a job. That Edna could have been the luckiest if not for her "arghhhh!" husband and that "hmmph!" father in law! There are lots of moms like us who cannot find a good paying job plus a kindhearted boss... Well, life can be very unfair,  isn't it?

Don't fret Ms.jobhunter, I plan to get an apartment or condo to rent there in the Manila/Makati Metro area very soon. Maybe you can help me out with that.

sirrobcentral :

Don't fret Ms.jobhunter, I plan to get an apartment or condo to rent there in the Manila/Makati Metro area very soon. Maybe you can help me out with that.

Careful Buddy. You'll have one of the darned Troggs chastising you for advertising a job in the wrong place. LOL.

I know right....lol.... they are so temperamental

That's great news sir... I hope it will be close to Pasig area☺

What do you mean sir?

Sir,
Many kind regards.
   You don't know how lucky you are up to this point. Firstly, I sincerely hope you have a kind and thankful family that will never take advantage of you and let you live out your life in the simpleness of ways without regret for all you are doing for them.
   May I suggest that you consider leasing those properties from them so that they can't do bad to you.
   Secondly, you may not be aware that if time had allowed and possibly his wife stayed around your house without supervision he could have accused you of adultery. It happens. You need to be sure that you always cover yourself against accusations possibly by having video cams set up to record your home. Here in the Philippines kindness is a often a  disguise for greed. Hope it all comes good.

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I am definitely speechless after reading your story  :rolleyes:

Basically you are paying too much, My girl friend, Iligan city Mindanao, works in fast food as service crew, 6 days a week, 10 hours per day for the princely sum of 140 peso per day!!!!! This is the average for here. Live in maids get 3k per month free board and lodging. My sons girlfriend works as a grade school teacher in Cagayan De Oro Mindanao and gets 18k per month. Not sure where you live but your wages are astronomical and therefore do not attract the correct people. Also many agencies do not ask for a fee now. I would suggest you moderate your wages offer and possibly use an agency supplying maids for the domestic market, you will then be paying the correct wages, and getting a vetted maid. You can of course offer financial rewards for a job well done, outside of the agency fees.  Good luck.

You are a Pensioners and your girlfriend works for 140 Pesos a day..

I would be ashamed. You can send her to school

She does what she wants to do she is independent and she lives with her family. In the coming months when I feel the time is good, I will ask to marry her If she accepts then we will look to the future of hers. School has been discussed also maybe a fast food fine dinning and bakery business. I also at this time give her an allowance that is equal to and sometimes more than her wages. I also at least once a month buy a small gift, recently I bought the family an lcd tv. So no I do not feel ashamed, I know that my girl friend does not sit back and expect me to support her and her family. I help but she knows that she does her bit and is happy.

sirrobcentral  You were quick to jump to conclusions, but slow to admit you were wrong. But never mind enjoy your 3500 sq ft house I will enjoy my 50 sq metres and the love of my girl friend and the respect of her family.

dophened :

Sir,

If I am on your side, I would rather have a working student (male/female) age 18-25 and at least college level,  But you have to get them from a very trusted recommendation of your friend..

The following are my reasons:
1. They have no kids
2. Goal oriented... Basically
3. Can speak English
4. Smart
5. They're mostly honest, because salary is used as their bread and butter..
6. No complications.
7. Tip: for long-term commitment.. Please contribute SSS for them.

Just a thought of ideas, I have mine, and they almost do beyond my expectations.. (Not all are crab mentality) check on their background..

Good luck,

Dophene

That's all well and good... But WHO with any reasonable amount of education is going to be happy as a maid? Really? I think not.....

GOOD TIP (Above): Everyone needs to ensure their maid/yaya is registered and you pay SSS - or you'll have big problems if they ever report you!

EXPAT IFA, I have to disagree with you. The average education level of the Philippines abroad worker is college degree holder. Many are teachers and administrators and yes they are YA YAs and maid's.... The qualifications for employment is fluent English and that generally come from college education.... I was floored to find that most of the DH workers in Hong Kong are Certified School Teachers. Sad but true.

Actually the level of the standard of English here is high and definitely not  just as a result of higher education. Many of my friends did not complete high school and their English skills are excellent. Earnings abroad even for low grade workers are much higher, even for college grads, Also good on the Biodata for later use. As far as I am aware in the UK a Philippine degree is graded as a diploma, this was the grading given to my ex wife's Bsc.

dophened :

Sir,

If I am on your side, I would rather have a working student (male/female) age 18-25 and at least college level,  But you have to get them from a very trusted recommendation of your friend..

The following are my reasons:
1. They have no kids
2. Goal oriented... Basically
3. Can speak English
4. Smart
5. They're mostly honest, because salary is used as their bread and butter..
6. No complications.
7. Tip: for long-term commitment.. Please contribute SSS for them.

Just a thought of ideas, I have mine, and they almost do beyond my expectations.. (Not all are crab mentality) check on their background..

Good luck,

Dophene

When I searched for a yaya after the previous one left, fluency in English wasn't a requirement. Most Filipinos anyways can understand slow-spoken English, and eventually, they become fluent the more often they talk in English with you. And besides, I want the help to talk in Tagalog with the kids to help them learn a second language.

It's hard to find a good yaya / maid who will stay for a long time. We are lucky to find one who has been with us for over 2 years. She's great. A high school graduate. We pay her well (PhP8k), and provide SSS, PagIbig, and PhilHealth benefits (Note: An employer is required under Kasambahay Law to provide the help / maid / yaya not just SSS, but PagIbig and PhilHealth as well).

I think one of the reasons she's stayed for so long is we treat her like family. Though I haven't met her immediate family who are in the Visayas, I feel like I know them, with all her stories of them. Maybe I eventually will meet them, perhaps when she gets married and we attend the wedding.

One small tip: Make sure that the help does not have head lice. The infestation can transfer to you and your family. Your kids might not be allowed to attend classes (especially if they go to an international school) for 2 weeks after the school notices your kids have lice. So, buy a good lice comb for yourself and for the yaya / maid. I bought a few stainless steel ones from amazon.

Hello sir maybe ur still need a house helper thess here, sir I'm 46yrs old and my son is in 1st yr college that's why i need to have a job to support my son

Hello sir,sir maybe ur still need a house maid I'm willing to apply sir

Dear Sir,
So sad  about your experience for having a maid like her. the very important to hired a maid  with out agency, ask all criminal records. and  reference for the previous employer,  in the philippines. some maid have  a good heart some maid will abuse the kindness of the employer. goodluck

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