Had enough

This September, I will be leaving Cambodia for good. After nearly 6 years, I have had enough. Many of you long time posters know me, as my first thread was read thousands of times. What you don't know is that my wife, after 4 1/2 years of living with me, left last July, in the middle of the night. Why? Well, a long story.

I'll try to make it as brief as possible. September 2014, I agreed to allow Chroeb's brother, Dong, to stay with us, and help Chroeb start a business. The first one they tried was a "Wing" office, but the man who was handling the franchise kept changing the deal, and I nixed it all.

Then they tried a bamboo drink stand. also selling ice cream, soft drinks, and some snacks. Hard work and small money. Dong turned out to be an arrogant pig. He never cleaned his room. and the floor in there was filthy with trash. I told him a number of times to clean it, and he ignored me.

I would not let Chroeb do it for him. Finally, I told him to clean it, or get out.

He chose to leave. All the time he was there, he was telling Chroeb a whole bunch of stories about how I had a house in America, a wife in America, and how I had bought a house for my daughter (!!!). Where he got all this crap is beyond me.

I had been telling her for 4 years that I came here because I didn't have a lot of money. After he left, the phone calls started. Chroeb to Dong, Sister to Chroeb, every day 5 or 6 an hour, and her taking off for hours.

I knew something was up, but she would not say anything. Finally, in july, early one morning, I woke up and went down stairs to find her gone. several hours later, I get a text message from her phone (Chroeb doesn't  know how to text) - obviously her brothers doing.

The text says, I not stay you any more because you stop love me". She would not talk to me after that. Her sister and brother both helped here move, and helped themselves to lots of my stuff.

Since then, I have not heard from her, or her brother. Her phone number has changed. From what I hear, she is working at a hotel or guest house on one of the island.

As I said above, I am done with this place. Tired of the stealing, lies, cheating. Yes, I am bitter. I am moving on with my life in a better place.

Sorry to hear this but this situation is very common as you probably know

happier days bro !

After reading your statement; I am so sorry to hear that such has happened to you.  If the same situation were to occur with me then yes; I too would also be bitter--but mainly with the individuals who supposedly engaged in the negative activity (the wife and her brother)--and not Cambodians as a whole (who are generally very nice).

While I am very hopeful that you are not 'convicting' all Cambodians (and I do not believe that you are); I can certainly understand you wanting to let things go on this end and start fresh elsewhere.  I wish you only the best in your next endeavors.

Sounds like you'll be much better off in the future. Keep your chin up and remember that all women aren't the same.

Once you get back to the USA you can file for an 'ex parte' divorce in the state where you reside, since you have no means of contacting your wife, or know her whereabouts. A good divorce lawyer will be able to advise you on how to go about filing.

Better days ahead!!!

James Experts Team

I read the thread back to 2011 regarding your relationship and saga with Chroeb. I haven't had the experience of living in Asia and having a local for a long-term partner yet, however I have had a couple of Asian gf's, both in Asia (meeting when I go on vacation) and in Canada. Reflecting upon some of the posters who advised caution over the years to your thread, it does seem like they did have some insight into the situation you found yourself in after all. I guess the saying that "if it seems too good to be true then it probably is" holds for many things, relationships included. I want to thank you for all of your postings, as it has given me alot of insight into living in Asia. I met a Cambodian girl here in Canada back in 2001 (she came here in 1988) and we were together for 7 years. I believe we had true love up until she left me in 2008, and so that is why I am interested in going to Cambodia and living there. Thanks again Madmax for all your postings. I am inspired and now also more cautious.

Buy a gift for a dog, and you'll be amazed at the way it will dance and swerve its tail, but if don't have anything to offer to it, it won't even recognize your arrival; such are the attributes of fake friends/lovers.

Cheer up mate! Everything Happens for a reason. and you deserve better!
You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on!

***Peace, Love, & Happiness

When she leaves.... let her go
If she was meant for you
She will come back
If not,
It was time for her to leave.

So I am sorry that u allowed the brother to stay with u in the first place without getting to know him ! big Error  .... U don't needMe to tell this but it serves as a lesson to all Expats Max ! BEFORE   Before getting into a relationship check out the family really well ! they are often the instigators and problems u r encountering  with the woman u chose! If the family is not quality RUN!  I am sad for u Max as I know u were a stand up good guy and experienced an unfortunate ending! SO WHATS NEXT? Are u staying in Asia ? Are you going to let this experience camouflage your good spirit 🙏 ?... I just had a friend die at a young age of a BRAIN TUMOR ! There is a wake up call for us No regrets! Best of luck to u Max !!!

Sorry Max to hear your situation,I know how much of Asia works with its smoke and mirrors and with many locals believing us foreign guys are loaded with cash and it should be all given to their family,for myself having been to Thailand and  a few relationships there I came away believing nothing I was told,it seemed to be a national sport of taking as much money from a Farang (Foreigner),I saw many men ripped off with some committing suicide.For me I think Khmer people are some of the nicest in Asia but should I settle there I would never take a girlfriend as their family will surely ruin it. Goodluck mate and put a smile on ya dial.

Wow so sorry! This is so hard, my wife left me, so i feel your pain, for me i just tryed to look ahead , i will be staying in pp for four months , theres always something out there for you, the thing is i found almost evey culture deals with almost the same issues especially family, in usa its the same problems maybe worse? Good life, your off to a new adventure

SHIT HAPPENS ! Get over it ! Make someone Else happy and Dint let a lowlife relative live with you

close to what I would say. but good luck

I've read many similar stories. I wonder what percentage of relationships between Western men and Cambodian locals end up this way.  If it makes you feel any better, they do it to Cambodian guys from abroad, too...not all the time, maybe 70-80% of the time.

I see a lot of people advising the poster not to let the brother stay in the house.  That's easier said than done.  When you marry a Khmer family, you're marrying her whole family.  Cambodians aren't the saying goes, blood runs thicker than water.  If you think a girl will choose you over her family, think again. If she acts like she does, watch out.

Most Khmer locals thoroughly check out the family backgrounds of their potential mates before committing to marrying them.  Foreigners, including overseas Khmers, often don't pay much attention to matters like this  and opt to focus only on the individual.  More often than not, they end up paying the price.

My Lady of over two years left me last week. About two months ago she was given an Android phone and tablet by (she says) her cousin. She started facebooking (which you know) is very different here. She would go into the other room all times of the day and whisper into the mic and snap photos, she did not know how to turn off the sound. Then she started switching out SIM cards; Traded the tablet for an IPhone and things got worse. She started spending about 10hrs a day in a hammock at the Chinese/Khmer neighbor's shack. I could see it coming. I have a simple Samsung phone which became our only means of communication. Last Friday I txt her and got a reply from her boyfriend telling me to never call her again, Old Man! She called me from she said, her sister's and told me that she was sorry and asked me for more money. I always gave her and allowance per month but this was different. She told me she has a job in two weeks and needed more money to get by. I refused and that was that.. she had already moved out many of her things with out me knowing. Until I was on facebook and facebook asked me if I wanted to be friends with this rough looking guy AND.. her picture was included with his profile pic and surrounded by red hearts. I shot one through to her email account, which she told me that she never uses to let her know that I knew. Her reply was the same as your Lady's. "You don't love me anymore." Well, in the process of her getting her things out, my passport has disappeared. Andd... she still lays in the neighbor's hammock at times and they have loud and raucous parties. I know that it is just to piss me off. Now I am stuck. Most guest houses require a Passport at checkin. My French friend says that I could be in Danger. I need to think fast and get out. Sad Day in Hell! I am looking for a guest house now that will overlook my passport until I get the replacement passport. Then, I will be gone for good!

Report your passport as stolen / lost with a police station, get a report and attache a passport copy with the report. Most guest houses will accept the report till you get your passport replaced by your embassy.

I used to read your story too, it was interesting but so sad to see it finish like this :(
Wish you good luck and be cheerful again :)

Life has surprises that may make you reject others for what you have suffered.

This story is painful.  I think the best you can do is try to let time heal the wounds.  I know it is not easy but  that is the only thing I can think of.

Cheers, bro.

Don't give up your dream. Fight back by getting your thoughts back together and continue your dream. Remember you worked for this your whole life. A bad relationship is not cause for you to give up your dream for living in Cambodia. Now think about it do you really need a partner so close to you when you most likely know how to do it on your own? I am speaking from experience.

> Tired of the stealing, lies, cheating.

Well, the lower the level of education and the lower the level of income class, the more likely that their poverty and stupidity is self-inflicted. If nobody can trust you, then yeah, how are you supposed to trade and hence make money?

That particularly part has got nothing to do with Cambodia, actually. That kind of people are not dumb because they are poor. No, it is exactly the other way around. They are poor because they are dumb.

The only difference in Cambodia is that they can also go bragging to other locals about how they took yet another gullible foreigner to the cleaners.


Moderated by Bhavna 3 months ago
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Seems like a load of hateful nonsense - religion has nothing to do with it.

Just one experience I had , I took a tuktuk to Russian market , we agreed on a price , when we stopped I gave him the three USD$ but I thought I would give him a extra 2000 reil, which I think is about 50 cents, but he was not happy with me, kept bothering me all the way into hotel , finally my hotel  manager interfered , and said I had accidental given him 20,000 reil which is five USD, he insisted to give it back to me , just my experience , also heard of many other stories like this , only my experience. Can't speak for others

Moderated by Bhavna 3 months ago
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It is certainly your right, though we naturally disagree on where such rights come from.

*** Yet everything I have experienced and read leads to the inescapable conclusion that there are tyrants and charlatans from all faiths and philosophies.

Out of curiosity - why did you choose to live among people you despise?

Moderated by Bhavna 3 months ago
Reason : Please avoid any comment related to religion

It is behaviours that I despise. In religious scriptures, it is never people who are being praised or despised. It is always behaviours. Despising individuals is not a valid approach to these matters. You have to pinpoint something they do, then reiterate what the rule says about that, and then you can conclude by praising or despising that particular instance of behaviour.

Furthermore, these behaviours occur everywhere. You cannot avoid their instantiation.

If you want to live in a perfect world with instances of permissible behaviour only, you should move to a different planet. Religion conjectures the existence of such other world. However, we will NOT receive confirmation or infirmation before completing our journey on this particular penitentiary planet. So, be patient, because patience is a virtue!

Another remark would be that Cambodia has one major advantage compared to other countries. You can easily organize yourself to notice the existence of a government here, once a year only, when renewing your visa at the travel agent. This is as close to paradise as you can get on this globe.

Yes, many locals are, more often than not, poor and also dumb, but they are not in a position to impose their stupidity onto you. Only a government can do that, while theirs simply doesn't. So, yes, many locals are a*** but I can suffer them, because you can just ignore the ones that you do not like.



Seriously, the Cambodian government is fantastic. I really like it. I have voted with my feet. That is why I am here, and not over there.

Moderated by Bhavna 3 months ago
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You might be the only person ever to praise the Cambodian government, outside the government itself, but I can see how it would appeal to a certain libertarian mindset. However, that government does indeed impose poverty and under-education on its people.

I identify as feminist myself, so the 'xxxx' suits my values (although in reality we are still working towards true equality and dismantling toxic masculinity). Empowerment of women is a huge win as far as I'm concerned.

I'm generally the first person to tear my country down, and you and I clearly have different morals, but 'xxxxxx' is simply inaccurate. I moved back here from Cambodia because there are better opportunities for me (at least for now).

> You might be the only person ever to praise the Cambodian government, outside the government itself

Well, yeah, a good proportion of the Cambodian population blames their government or the foreigners or the weather for their troubles. They will of course never blame themselves. That is typical behaviour below the Dunning-Kruger line.

A lot of them think that things would improve with another government. It is the same people who believe that they would do better if only they were allowed to move to Australia. Sorry, but they will still be same person when they arrive there. Therefore, all the shit will just start all over again.

> However, that government does indeed impose poverty and under-education on its people.

Governments never provide education. They only provide indoctrination. So, I do agree that this government may impose under-indoctrination on its people.

Concerning poverty, I am not really sure, to what extent the government would be responsible. It is difficult to say.

I once heard a local say that he found it scandalous that a particular cruise company was owned by a foreigner. It should be owned by locals, he said. So, I asked him what stopped any of the locals from placing an order for cruise ships in Korea and go for it too? Or did he believe that this foreigner should place the order and pay for the cruise ships, which should then be owned by locals?

The problem is that their reasoning often sounds too much like that. Apparently, this foreigner moved his operation to Vietnam. I do not know the specifics of the story, but I can vividly imagine what happened. Everybody does what they like, but so did he, obviously. It is better to cut that kind of bad stories short, I guess.

Furthermore, I do not see how the government here would be responsible for any of this. They certainly do not seem to have their hands in everything that goes wrong. It can apparently happily go wrong without making use of any government assistance to that effect.

> Empowerment of women is a huge win as far as I'm concerned.

Since feminism seems to badly disturb reproduction from generation to generation -- which is obviously an overruling imperative -- you can reasonably expect the laws of nature to kick in at some point, and make serious corrections and rectifications. But then again, it is never women who do the fighting, or who are targeted by the fighting. As usual, it will be men knocking out other men. The misjudgement will obviously be the difficulty to find men willing to risk their lives and die for someone else's empowerment. The ones who will try anyway will find themselves at the receiving end of a spectacular amount of violence. They will have to fight and die, or else just die. Reproduction has to go on. It is not optional. Anybody standing in the way, should not be surprised to find themselves unceremoniously terminated. It will just be nature at work.

Lots of people everywhere blame their government for things. Sometimes they're right to do so - it's not a coincidence that nations with less corrupt governments tend to perform better in most metrics.

> Governments never provide education. They only provide indoctrination.

I'm not sure what to make of this. Indoctrination to what? Surely you are not suggesting that every single skill and fact learned in school is ideological? What is education by this definition?

> it is never women who do the fighting, or who are targeted by the fighting

Women have always fought, and even the most cursory reading of history should show that women are often targets. Many militaries are in the process of de-restricting combat roles, so the specious conception of warfare as for men only will soon be obsolete in any case.

Reproduction as imperative is for animals. Humans choose. 'Disturbing reproduction' is a reasonable natural response to unsustainable population growth, in any case. Fighting to keep it high would be an act of self-destruction.

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