Adding people you don't know as a contact

I do not see any problem adding people or people adding me to their contact list.

I wonder how u see it as annoying.

Samakauk wrote:

I do not see any problem adding people or people adding me to their contact list.

I wonder how u see it as annoying.

At a guess you are a male, and Vilanelle is a female being pestered by men on this forum

Clansman - good point.

I do not know why I should have guys I don't know and I've never even exchanged opinions with in my contact list. What for?
I think an option of adding someone as a contact was created for something else than just for fun of adding every single (female) member.
Unless there is some contest "who gets more contacts" and nobody told me about it...?
I know for some people it doesn't make a difference, but that's why I asked in my profile not to do so, and it's even more annoying knowing that people either read and don't respect it or don't read, just see an expat girl and click "add" without thinking twice.

BTW, I had the same problem with FB after I moved to Libya. Suddenly it felt like every Libyan guy wanted to become my friend. Since than I'm not in search results for Libya any more, however, I still get FB invitations from Libyan "friends of my friends"...

Change your avatar to one of an ugly woman, you'll get less problems that way.

Well, after first couple of invites I changed it from picture to no picture. But maybe you right, I should try that. Or even an ugly guy - if that doesn't work that nothing will;)

vilanelle wrote:

Dear All who would like to have me added as a contact,

if you don't know me, and we never talked/emailed/contacted in any other way, please DO NOT add me as a contact.

Actually, that's what I wrote in my profile, and yet I keep getting new emails with "such and such would like to add you as a contact".

Please don't, it's annoying.

And I will block you.

I apologize for that personal message, I'm sure however, that I'm talking on behalf of quite a few people here, women mostly.

Have a good week everyone!
v.

Totally agree!! Hope people will get the message

u must be so beautiful, that's why the number of request is so high, Libyan guys are with a good taste

this is all we need

vilanelle wrote:

Clansman - good point.

I do not know why I should have guys I don't know and I've never even exchanged opinions with in my contact list. What for?
I think an option of adding someone as a contact was created for something else than just for fun of adding every single (female) member.
Unless there is some contest "who gets more contacts" and nobody told me about it...?
I know for some people it doesn't make a difference, but that's why I asked in my profile not to do so, and it's even more annoying knowing that people either read and don't respect it or don't read, just see an expat girl and click "add" without thinking twice.

BTW, I had the same problem with FB after I moved to Libya. Suddenly it felt like every Libyan guy wanted to become my friend. Since than I'm not in search results for Libya any more, however, I still get FB invitations from Libyan "friends of my friends"...

I would disagree with the Facebook part as those invites and add requests could be spams from all over the world. Plus FB now has some really awesome Security settings that you could try out like the one from blocking your friends friends to not see your profile.

Well, I saw profiles of those who sent me invites on FB and I could see that it was guys living in Tripoli. I know what spam looks like and that was not the case.
And yes, I did set up security so I don't get too much unwanted invitations. However I don't want to block it all up, as I have quite a common name and I do want some old friends of mine to be able to find me.
Following your advice I could just as well delete my profile so nobody can find me, but that's not the point really.

vilanelle wrote:

Well, I saw profiles of those who sent me invites on FB and I could see that it was guys living in Tripoli. I know what spam looks like and that was not the case.
And yes, I did set up security so I don't get too much unwanted invitations. However I don't want to block it all up, as I have quite a common name and I do want some old friends of mine to be able to find me.
Following your advice I could just as well delete my profile so nobody can find me, but that's not the point really.

could u please give us number of Libyan people added u on FB?

in the Arabic world FB is a tool to make friends, where in the west FB is to meet up and reunite with old friends, colleagues and even family members.

I got quite a few invites on FB before changing security settings, won't tell you the exact number.

I can see that difference you write about (and I guess it's the same approach here on the forum) I just don't see how "adding to contacts" is equal to "making friends".

I did accept a few invitations before and I did not gain any friends by that. I just had a couple more names in "contacts" section.

Putting fb aside, and going back to Expat.com, it seems to me that it really is a matter of collecting as many names in contact section as possible, and not really making friends.
So if you don't mind getting new friends - up to you. But to all who are sending invites to every girl in the forum, please read the profile first, and if you see mine, with a clear request not to contact me if you don't know me - please respect that.
Thank you.
v.

vilanelle wrote:

I got quite a few invites on FB before changing security settings, won't tell you the exact number.

I can see that difference you write about (and I guess it's the same approach here on the forum) I just don't see how "adding to contacts" is equal to "making friends".

I did accept a few invitations before and I did not gain any friends by that. I just had a couple more names in "contacts" section.

Putting fb aside, and going back to Expat.com, it seems to me that it really is a matter of collecting as many names in contact section as possible, and not really making friends.
So if you don't mind getting new friends - up to you. But to all who are sending invites to every girl in the forum, please read the profile first, and if you see mine, with a clear request not to contact me if you don't know me - please respect that.
Thank you.
v.

I think adding people to contacts, is to keep in tough with them.

I think u can just ignore their request, simply one click will do all that.

and hide or ignore those requests on FB, 

annoying???????????????????????

why ??? u dont like the pepole ?? loool

In what touch? If we were in touch, we can keep in touch. If we've never emailed each other or even discussed in the same forum thread than what touch are you talking about?

And @ ahmed 2002 - just fyi, my post was sent after receiving your invite. Have you seen my profile? Did you read that I don't want to be added? If you really wanted to become my friend you could've always write me a message introducing yourselve, saying that you'd like to become my friend because..., and then maybe we could become friends - or not, I don't have to want to become your friend. I don't like people who want to have my name in contacts section just for fun of having it. And now I'm even sure I don't want to become your friend, because you don't read what I write or you read and don't care.

Adding to contacts is annoying, and, dear Ahmed, please think twice next time before sending an invite to a girl you don't know.

v.

You something V. from your comments about what you think of people trying to add you, it all just seems lame to make a discussion out of it. I mean you can easily ignore and/or block those who you don't know and don't want to add. Stop making a fuss about silly things really!

And one more thing, I just asked my husband who is much more active member here, and he got 1 (one!!!) invite since he signed up, and it was after some intense post exchange.
It's just as annoying as whistling when I drive with my window down. Same logic, isn't it? I'm sure, those whistling guys want to make friends with me.
No, thank you.

You shouldn't have to be defending your request, whatever the reasons behind it.

the whole issue does not deserve getting annoyed. you should have known by now that many Libyan guys think expat women are too easy and there is a higher chance to get laid if they know one.
so why would you bother mentioning this topic and getting annoyed. I am sure most women in this forum are having the same problem but they deal with it their own way, either by accepting or clicking ignore or deny.

Easy to say if you're a guy, isn't it?
And I should get used to whistling too, and to the guys at work not talking to me about the things I work on, because "I might not understand", but talking to my male colleague or my husband instead.
I know I'm in Libya, I know it's different here, but still I'm not gonna give up that quickly.
Maybe it's a lost battle, but I'll take it anyway.
I decided to start this thread so that Libyan guys on this forum realize not every expat girl wants to become their friend.
If even one or two of them reads it and gets the point I will say it was worht it.

wish you luck

Famous, beautiful women
vilanelle
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Not everyone gets the point. Well, lets blame it on cultural differences.

mancunian wrote:

the whole issue does not deserve getting annoyed. you should have known by now that many Libyan guys think expat women are too easy and there is a higher chance to get laid if they know one.
so why would you bother mentioning this topic and getting annoyed. I am sure most women in this forum are having the same problem but they deal with it their own way, either by accepting or clicking ignore or deny.

I think u are a Libyan guy, who loves Manchester or ur roots from there, but I think what u saying about Libyans think that expat-women are too easy to get laid is nowhere near the truth. please do not generalise, if u r talking about urself this is something different.

I have European friends, we are real friends, so people are different, and I hope u r not one of those ill-faithed people. who are misusing friendship and ruining the whole country's reputation.

vilanelle wrote:

Not everyone gets the point. Well, lets blame it on cultural differences.

I understand where u come from, I do believe that it is culture differences too. Libyans should not ask for opposite-sex friendship - this is what their culture tells them about.

Women are harassed and stalked more than men, I think men are never stalked - I can't imagine a female stalker lol

I guess it is a good idea to put "I am happily married, I am here to help/chat/exchange ideas but not to date".

I am sure it would work, add an ugly man's pic too it would help

vilanelle wrote:

Well, after first couple of invites I changed it from picture to no picture. But maybe you right, I should try that. Or even an ugly guy - if that doesn't work that nothing will;)

there is no ugly guy or gal, only lack of booze:)

vilanelle wrote:

Not everyone gets the point. Well, lets blame it on cultural differences.

nope, you precisely put the point where it should be and many of these guys egos won't take it so blame it on the culture....

and btw, ex-pat libyan relations... the other way (ex-pat man and locals) are much easier than the so called easy expat woman thing... sorry guys.

y'all got it wrong. Libyan men have it all. And white women know it. Libyans know that all you're doing is playing hard to get, but deep down you'd melt for a young Libyan stud. I mean look at Haitem! Who, in her right mind, could possibly turn down a great knight in white like him??! (don't worry about what his left hand is doing)

MoEl wrote:

y'all got it wrong. Libyan men have it all. And white women know it. Libyans know that all you're doing is playing hard to get, but deep down you'd melt for a young Libyan stud. I mean look at Haitem! Who, in her right mind, could possibly turn down a great knight in white like him??! (don't worry about what his left hand is doing)

Christ on a bike...!

That's your funniest post yet. PMSL here !

Samakauk wrote:

mancunian wrote:

the whole issue does not deserve getting annoyed. you should have known by now that many Libyan guys think expat women are too easy and there is a higher chance to get laid if they know one.
so why would you bother mentioning this topic and getting annoyed. I am sure most women in this forum are having the same problem but they deal with it their own way, either by accepting or clicking ignore or deny.

I think u are a Libyan guy, who loves Manchester or ur roots from there, but I think what u saying about Libyans think that expat-women are too easy to get laid is nowhere near the truth. please do not generalise, if u r talking about urself this is something different.

I have European friends, we are real friends, so people are different, and I hope u r not one of those ill-faithed people. who are misusing friendship and ruining the whole country's reputation.

Do not deny that there is a huge percentage of Libyan guys would translate a woman's smile as (hey sexy I like you) especially those who never got the chance to live abroad and understand the cultural difference.
In other countries when ur eyes catch a woman's eyes it is polite and nice to put a smile on ur face, while in Libya it is polite to put your head down or turn your eyes the other way especially in more conservative areas.
Tell me how many stories you've heard about Libyan guys going abroad even to Djerba thinking that all girls they meet as a getting laid possibility. I have heard and seen a lot.

no comment

Oh ,no ... not again .... about searching for easy sex ....

OK Vilanelle ... I promise I will not add you as a friend, no way .... hope it helps.

As up to catching smiles around ... good sport. Please,all of you:  If you catch some smiles,seeing hard cases with caries or paradonthosis on, would you be so kind and address them to do something for their beaty, will You ..? 

Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no1 is watching, screw like it's being filmed,& drink like a true Irishman!!!

Vilanelle, you have my sympathies.  The whole 'collector' thing got on my nerves so much at one point I almost stop coming to the site.  Cling on, remember the important 'delete/block' buttons, and for those who made comments along the lines of 'why are you making a fuss' please remember that everyone has a right to their opinion, and to vent it sometimes.  It gets annoying that some people seem to see this place as a dating site.

Thanks flipfinger, I've heard from some friends of mine (and I mean real ones, not "contacts") they feel the same way;)
v.

I hear you, V. I think it's 60% cultural difference and 40% gender related.

On another note, I think locals fall in love a lil too fast - among themselves and with others.

Must have gotten that from the Italians.. or Italians got it from the Ls? Wonder who came first.