Your experience of culture shock in Mexico

I've lived here for over two years now, and I'm still learning. I will likely always be learning. I was not new to Latin culture, because I have visited and spent time in places like Peru. Yet living in a place full time is a different thing.

I guess the biggest change is the hugs and kisses exchanged when meeting people. It's still not completely clear when that is done and how much or how little is it done My culture does not hug and kiss people except family and very close friends.
I think I have the rhythm of it now. The key is to be observant in all things. One of the mistakes I probably made was giving a male neighbor a belt that did not fit me or my family member, then living with me. It was an excellent native American leather belt that was extremely big. So I gave it to a neighbor who had the skill to alter it. Since then he is very polite, but makes a point to stand back and shaking my hand, His wife made it a point to meet me, and is seen more often in his company. Clearly I overstepped some unknown boundary, We are still friends and she is very nice to me but...

The other issues are shopping related. The system here is not like the U.S. the stores are stocked in a way that seems odd to me. At Home Depot Windows are in one isle, and the items needed to care for them or fix them are in a totally different part of the store. Small hardware stores have brooms and soaps in one store and tools in another. The market isn't much different. You need to adjust to change as a expectation. Items on the shelf are not always restocked, but buying all of one item to defeat that problem is a mistake. If you do that you may not see that item again for months. Just pick up what you need and hope it will be restocked soon. Of course the junk food is always there just like in the U.S.
Buying a car is not a simple act , it requires proof of who you are , like you Id plus visa, and copies of electric bills. But wait that is only a requirement for one state, others might be different and you can't buy a car in one state and easily take it to the state you live in . Those rules and that plate are for the state you bought the car in and those plates will have to be changed. It becomes very complex so buy a car where you live.

I found that those expats who have "street smarts" and can "think outside of the box" tend to assimilate much better than those who don't have the above.  Also if you've traveled much around the world you tend to have a better perspective about living in a foreign country.

Pendantes or errands are never what you think they're going to be...

Learning #1 – The relaxed approach to finding a parking space.
Learning #2 – Only pay 20 pesos to have my car washed on the street.
Learnings #3 & #4 – Help blind people and don't park your moto in a telegraph office lobby.
Learning #5 – Maybe 20 pesos is not enough for a car wash.

Full story at http://vidamaz.com/2009/01/28/my-thursd … s-errands/

Agree with travellight about the hugging and kissing.  I love that Latino/as are so warm and so open with their emotions, but it is still something I struggle with as I am not used to this much demonstrativeness other than with family or close friends.  It does seem genuinely sincere, though, and it touches me when someone gives me a hug, although I am usually sweaty (living in a hot climate) and a bit embarrassed.

There is a lot more overt oggling of attractive, young women here than in the US.  Doesn't really affect me since I'm past the age of being oggled, but it is something I notice.

To start with: politeness. Extreme politeness, Very pleasant but if you have a genuine problem, an authentic complaint - say, with a landlord - it is very important not to be confrontational in any way. In fact, it can become a barrier, a control technique. Tricky. I think it is the Latin part of the mixture: quick to be warm and quick to be offended too. Always be extremely tactful and complimentary when presenting a grievance. And if female, avoid too direct a contact with males! Address the woman or be very circumspect....

Speaking of that, I've noticed that in some local restaurants, male waiters will hardly look at me or speak to me.  They give my husband all the attention.  Same in stores.  This can be difficult for us since I am by far the more outgoing of the two of us and tend to do much more of the talking in social situations.  So it's uncomfortable for me to be ignored and for my husband to be looked to do all the talking for us.  Definitely takes some getting used to.

Definitely good advice to visit often and long periods of time.  And if possible
different times of the year.  We thought we had done all that until we moved
for good. We found the people and the culture lovely in San Miguel, but we
couldn't put up with the noise, congestion, chaos and fireworks. I fell several
times on the hills and the slippery pavements.  I wear strong shoes but I really
hurt myself.  Healthcare and vet care was very good and very kind.  But go to
the US once a year for a good check over.

The cost of flights increased enormously just after we arrived.   It became about
$800 to fly via Houston to New York.  That put a big bite in our budget and meant
we couldn't visit our son so often.  On the whole though, itwas 50% less to live
compared to the US.  $600 to $900 for a nice 2 bed house;  and our housekeeping
and food were at least 50% less too.

The culture is second to none outside Mexico City:  art, music, theater, dance...
a microcosm of creativity. 

Just do your homework and you should be okay.  Be clear about what you don't and do
like before you go.

We'll choose another town when we return in a couple of years.

Good luck.


Renee Jones

Perhaps, but they are just being correct according to their culture. They cannot do otherwise, it is too uncomfortable for them. Think of it as showing respect, for both of you. Also, the masculine dominates there!

The thing that irks me more than anything is when you go to a store or restaurant where you're known and they don't have any of the 3 things you're looking for.  Sometimes you can find other business that do maintain their inventory well.  Sometimes it's wandering around town to three or four businesses till you find what you're looking for and I'm talking about truly routine items.

Walmart and the other national chains don't do much better.  Forget about Sam's they stock only what they can get fot the price they want to pay.  Business customers learn to make do with what's available.

I realize that this is partly due to culture and partly due to not seeing the need to have some kind of system for replenishment before they run out.  It's not up to me to educate them or try to change the way things are done.  Things are a lot better than 25 years ago,

Caribe gal , is your husband more comfortable with Spanish ? That is often a big factor. Waiters always deferred to me because my male companion had a hearing problem and was not good at Spanish, yet they deferred to me from the start. I have also seen them listening more to native speakers who are women as we traveled, especially obvious female heads of the family.

When we visited Playa del Carmen, where you live, the waiters deferred to me, so it's not a dominant trait at all. I think they size up who seems to be the dominant figure, and speaks Spanish better , and act accordingly. Currently, I am traveling with a native speaker and their response is fairly even, depending on the topic.

Hello: we moved to Alamos Sonora last October and are learning the hard way that Realtors in Mexico are not regulated or licensed. They don't have to be to sell homes, therefore Americans don't have the same safeguards we have at home to protect our property. When we started the escrow process, we were only in Alamos for two  days, so the realtor asked my husband for 3 blank signed sheets of paper to expedite the process.. He hesitated but she told him to trust her, she was born in this town, her father was the pioneer back in the 40's buying old colonial homes in Alamos-- and she lives here. She also told him that all 3 pages will be in the final escrow package. When we received the final escrow documents in March of this year, we noticed only one of the sheets was used and requested return of the other two from the Realtor.  It's now September, almost  11 months since we purchased our retirement home and we still don't have the sheets returned to us. She is hiding from us. We went to the police and they cannot or will not do anything but request her to come in for an optional visit. We are now forced to change the Deed, putting the home in a Will for our kids, filing police reports and publishing notices that any transfers of property, loans, or credits open under a Power of Attorney (she could grant to herself,) are null and void because she did it illegally. The worst nightmare for two expats that had no experience in how some people do business in this town which by the way, is beautiful and peaceful. Do not trust anyone when they ask for blank sheets of paper. We were naïve to a fault and are now trying to fix our mistake which is not easy to do due to all the bureaucracy in Mexico.

travellight wrote:

Caribe gal , is your husband more comfortable with Spanish ? .

Not at all.  My husband and I are both equally weak Spanish speakers.  We are learning and do try our best, but it's slow going.  Our older brains (we are retired) just don't seem to learn new languages as quickly as back when we were in school, where I took French and hubby took German.  Who knew?  Wish we'd both taken Spanish back then! 

It's only been noticeable in a few restaurants and shops with male waiters/clerks, so I don't necessarily think it's an across-the-board thing, just something I noticed that I have not noticed in the US at all.  In fact, in the US, male waiters generally pay me more attention, perhaps because I AM female!     Here, there have a been a few places where the male waiters would hardly even look at me.  I am going to go on the assumption that it's a respect thing and not a "you do not exist to me" thing.   

So true. We go to Sams Club en Navojoa for specific items but most of the time, they don't have them. Customer service here is non-existent too.

Overall, we like living in Mexico because we own our home, (not having a $4500.00 dlls mortgage a month is awesome) and our dollars goes a long way when it comes to electricity, water and phone.  But dealing with dishonest people is a struggle. We are learning...

But Playa de Carmen is a total tourist place! That is not traditional culture! That is a good point about the language ability - of course they have to understand the order! - but it is certainly not a typical environment, at all!

One must be very very very careful with real estate transactions. Take your time! You can always rent for a while! Make sure you have a tried and true recommended lawyer, that is essential. There are a lot of scams. As for starting a business - pretty much forget it. One successful businessman I met in Patzcuaro told me that all gringos he knew of who had Mexican partners had been ripped off. He lives in Mexico and loves it, but this seems to be a sad truth. He had a strong business and it survived, but it happened to him. And he was very experienced. So when it comes to financial transactions - caveat emptor!

jeanfinney wrote:

But Playa de Carmen is a total tourist place! That is not traditional culture! That is a good point about the language ability - of course they have to understand the order! - but it is certainly not a typical environment, at all!

I'm not referring to stores or restaurants on La Quinta (5th Avenue), though.  Where I've noticed the deferring to my husband the most is at very local places on Avenida 30 and west, where locals live, eat, and run small restaurants.  Since we actually live here and are not tourists, we tend to avoid the touristy spots except on rare occasions. I have been to other cities in Mexico that are much less tourist oriented (Merida, Campeche, San Cristobal), and the parts of Playa I am referring to are much more like what we saw in those cities.  So please don't judge me because I live in a "touristy" city.  There is still a lot of real Mexico here -- just head west on Juarez.

Buyers beware, absolutely. A painful, expensive experience for our naiveté.

I am not judging you, just noting that you live in a very touristic area, even if you frequent a hood that is a bit less invaded. You are not in traditional Mexico. San Cristobal is very touristic, Campeche less so but visited, and  many gringos settle in or near Merida. So there is some adaptation. However, ti would be naive if not ignorant to assume that there is gender equality in Mexico. It is far from the case!

I would be extremely careful about real estate transactions in Mexico.  Someone from the US or Canada has a big X on their back.  Make sure the land/house is not ejido land (tulum beach for one) as it may well have multiple titles for the same lot.  I would also rent and start talking to people about who is honest.  Make sure when you look at a condo there isnt any litigation going on between "owners" and the developer.  There have been cases of Mexicans buying off a judge to get a titles on a property which means the federales come in and put you and your stuff out in the street.   The important person in Mexican real estate transactions is the notary public, no one else.  I would never buy real estate in Mexico unless I had a trusted person to guide me. Remember, in Mexico squatters eventually have ownership rights so anyone offering to watch your land probably has an ulterior motive.  Keep in mind a foreigner cannot own land within 26 miles of the beach or on international border.  This part may change soon.