Your experience of culture shock in Hungary

I had a few incidents with the Romany Gypsy neighbours. When i bought this house i was warned not to have anything to do with them. Not wanting to be involved with anyone's personal prejudices,i happily accepted their warm invitation to their garden barbecue. Eventually i sussed that they were trying to sell me their house,and within an hour,they had me accepting an offer of mowing my lawn for 10.000ft,all done with out anyone understanding each others language.
   However 2 months later, i caught them mowing my lawn without my permission,then banging on the door demanding money,this happened twice before i had the courage to stand up to them.

I think that the biggest think to remember, and still, for me, the most difficult to remember, 25 years after first coming here to live, is not to be judgmental. You'll find that there are a lot of things that are worse than those you are used to, and a lot of things that are better, too. However, for the most part, things are just different, and when you learn to enjoy the differences, rather than allow them to irritate you, that's when you'll begin to settle down. Start by finding out your common points of interest, and explore the similarities and differences in how those interests are followed up and put into practice in clubs, societies and church groups. Don't comment, except to yourself, just ask questions, listen and observe. Carry a notebook and describe them, in sketch-form or in diary entries. Give yourself a good six months doing this. And don't try to crack the language first. Unless you're already a brilliant linguist, you won't succeed quickly, and you'll just get alienated. Allow yourself a listening period, both linguistically and culturally, a period of total immersion, using both Hungarian and English as media. It's the messages that people want to communicate which matter most. If you remember that, you'll always find the means to interact and integrate your experiences into your own identity.

I came to Budapest 10 years ago from my base in London on a movie and so was rather cocooned from the problems of language .For 5 months I had a personal assistant ,translator ,driver etc..
However I fell in love with the city and decided at 70 years old this is where I wanted to live..and with no 'ties or partner I knew the adjustment might be a problem ...It turned out not to be..
The shock for me was the ending of the movie and suddenly I am without  translator and  ,driver ..
I did one last movie in Colombia so it was another 4 months before I really moved into my apartment overlooking the Danube..
The language was my big problem..Initially the language was not only foreign but strange..
I have mastered some words but I knew that I would never be fluent...
Learning the basics of shopping at the Supermarket I found to be rather an adventure as I continued to make mistake after mistake..
Getting things done like small plumbing repairs etc..was a problem but now I use an Hungarian friend to negotiate and translate for me..It can be costly sometimes otherwise...but that is a small price to pay for living here..
I have found my greatest tool is 'the smile'..I can smile in every language ...Maybe people will think that to be a cop out but it works for me..
I know now at 82 I will never master this difficult language..but as I look out over the Danube at the Chain bridge and Elizabeth Bridge and the castle from my kitchen window  and now the completed Varkert Promenade part of my street ...I bless the day I made the decision..
I have younger friends who pop in..and we meet at least once .a week..
Most of the people I know are Hungarians and there are always events taking place...
The older Hungarians have taken to this rather eccentric Englishman...
Only a few days ago I celebrated the great National Day  of St Istvan by singing to the crowds below me from my balcony...I think a first in the annals of the event.
In a few day ,September 1st ,will be the annual International Short Film Festival 'Busho' with about 1200  entrants from all over the world culminating in the final 80 films in contention..Last year I was on the Jury ..This year I will open the event at the Pushkin Cinema.....This could never happen to me in London my home city..
I have a particular friend and companion ,Sophie ,my little Chiwawa..
One needs to make an effort ..I am the odd one out ..Some might say very odd ..but I have made it my mission to be accepted despite my lack of language..and for me it works..
In 2013 The World Top Model event was held here in Budapest..I created the crown and was on the jury..This could never happen for me in the UK..This year the event will be in Rome and I am at the moment creating the crown for that event..
I try not to say 'No' to invitations ...but unfortunately they have become rather frequent and 'Nem Kosonom ' ( No thank ) is becoming more frequent...
I became an extra in a movie having been on the other side of the cameras for so many years a new adventure and new people ....
It takes effort and commitment to make the great change....Again, I say ,I have never regretted it..

it's wonderful reading your positive outlook and experiences.Kudos to you!! I myself have just moved back to the country after spending 47 yrs. in the US.I was 14 when i left but still speak the language fluently,so that's a help,also having friends.One has to keep an open mind and not expect things will go as they did at home.Be well,Thomas

After living here for a few years, I am still making faux pas..not bagging fast enough at the market, allowing my kids to cartwheel on "off limit" grasses or speaking too loudly in restaurants. Although,  I find the Hungarian culture to be very civilized and private. Having lived in Asia, we were used to be gawked at and followed. Here, that doesn't happen unless you, for instance,  choose to wear flip flops to a concert or a short- sleeved shirt in cool weather.  People here seem to follow a social code for the most part and follow the "rules" that have been in place for years.  As a foreigner, I notice that once the temperature drops at all, there is an understanding that the layers come on to avoid illnesses.  That to be is rather "old school" but understandable. The language is definitely a barrier and I am in total agreement with a earlier writer, don't judge too quickly.  A rolling of the eyes here from a waitress doesn't necessarily carry the same amount of discontent as say in North America. People are not always willing to help you if you don't speak Hungarian, which makes the day to day chores a bit tricky at times, but then again, when you meet that really friendly clerk or attendant, it's so special.

The first time we were reprimanded was at a mall after I put my foot on a bench.  Believe me, that was the last time and now it seems very normal to never consider that.  At restaurants the wait staff will allow your lots of time to visit while eating and will hardly ever come by to see if you want another drink, etc. You have to flag them down, which is sometimes better that constantly being pestered in the USA by a well-meaning waiter. You will meet lots of warm and friendly Hungarians, but on the surface they tend to be grumpy and reserved. Give it time and look for opportunities to get to know them better, otherwise, you're better off staying put in your home country.

It is true things are so different here..Neighbors are not so friendly..Rarely will you be invited in for a drink.or a chat..
I live in a block and the neighbours will just nod at me with maybe an 'hello'..In ten years not once have I been invited into  neighbours....It would appear that they resent the foreigner..but really it is not so..They are very reserved and YOU have to prove your credentials of friendliness and it takes a while..
I have seen a great change in the 10 years with staff in shops and restaurants..They have come to realise although slowly that 'serving ' the customer does not mean that they are servile .or less than those that they 'serve'..
One must remember the recent history of this country of  being under the yoke of foreign powers..First the Germans and then the Communist regime..In older people it is still in their DNA ..Suspicion of the foreigner...but slowly it changes..
Staff can still be rude..They resent the low wages and having quite often to work at two jobs .So many of the younger people have left for the 'riches' of Germany , UK , etc..but I hear from some of them..and they ache to return .

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