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Dating a Jordanian man II

I've been searching the net for hours for information, came eventually across this forum. I hope that there is someone on here who's able to answer my question.

I was seeing a Jordanian man who I met in Jordan last year. We had a wonderful time together, a time words cannot describe. We are truly in love with each other. However, he recently broke up with me because there was 'no future for us'. I didn't understand - I mean, everything went very well between us. He didn't want to explain to me in the beginning, but after asking him many times he eventually did. He said that he will have to choose between me or his family and everything else. He also told me that marriage is something really important and that it wasn't easy for him that we were involved while we were not married. I know that men/women relationships outside marriages are not allowed and that marriage is something really important in his culture, but he never proposed to me or mentioned it. All he says is that it's complicated, but that still doesn't answer my question of why we can't be together. It hurts as I know that we belong together. 

Is there anyone who can explain to me why it is not possible for us to be together? Is it something conservative or is there another reason? He's from Ma'an, if that helps. BTW, I don't question his intentions at all
Thank you so much in advance

hello,
there should be alot of factors involved here.

there is the culture, the religion, and the age factor as well.

when it comes to religion, if you are not muslim  and he is a muslim then probably one of the reasons is that he might find you not comfortable with the religion of his family, and so the other way around.

whn it comes to culture probably many families prefer local marriage and some of them enforce that.

also there is the age factor, as here in jordan a guy most of the time should be at th at the same age of the bride or older..the other way around is not here in Jordan.

or it might be his 1st relationship exprience.

i hope this will help out!

regards,

Thank you xsmrt for taking the time to answer :)

I realize that religion might be a big issue, as I don't believe. Still, I have much respect for his loyalty to his religion. I'm even very curious to everything he does with respect to his religion. Besides that, he's never been pushy about this actually

You said that families will enforce local marriages if they prefer that. How should I see that? I can imagine that a mother prefers a bride with the same background for her son, but how can she enforce this? Do they pick brides for their sons? Is there a chance of outcast if the son does otherwise?

Even if all of this is true for our situation, then why does he keep telling me that it's complicated? Is it possible that there is another factor?

well those are old habbits that are still there in the community... i assum that a mother or family plays a role in picking a bride for a man..i dont know what other factors involved..maybe if u elaborate more on your relationship i can give u better idea.

i hope things wrok out for you again.

regards,

What xsmrt said is true. 99% of the people in the villages marry other Jordanians. Marriages are still arranged. However, the bride and groom have a small say, as they can accept or refuse marriage offers. For women, what usually happens is once they have reached marrying age (anywhere between 14 (very rare, but know of one)usually 18 to 25) is when they are "on the market", as in men are interested in them for marriage.
The man will come to the girls father and request marriage. The two father's will meet and negitioate. Then, they will present the suitors to the girl and she will accept or reject. Some families are stricter and might choose for her, but it seems in most families the girl can choose. However, I have really not heard of any men and women meeting on their own, dating, falling in love and then getting married. The times are changing, and depending on the level of freedom allowed and where the live, some do meet on their own while in University or if living in a big city.
My brother-in-law actually fell in love with a girl while working outside of the village. When it came time to marry, his family strongly encouraged him marry his cousin. Everyone pushed his cousin, he didn't speak up about who he loved, and he ended up marrying his cousin. Now, he is not the happiest as he did not choose the one he loved and his cousin really wasn't the best match.
Because they are not allowed to have sexual relations before marriage like westerners, he wasn't experienced, and a baby was born nine months after they were married. This is VERY typical. The baby is on the way before they even get to know eachother. It is not typical to talk about sex as it is personal. I really think they would be better off if someone, anyone explained these things so they can hold off a bit on the kids. However, if the girl doesn't get pregnant then they start to think something is wrong with her.
These are all my observations. I am an American married to a Jordanian for 13 years now. I have been living in the village now for almost a year, and I have been curious about all this. I have seen 3 of my nieces marry and have a baby (all this month)...The bride and groom actually looked terrified on their wedding day. I don't blame them...what pressure.
My husband & I met outside of Jordan in another country and dated for 9 months. We got engaged in that country. I told him I wanted to visit his country and meet his family before we tied the knot. He agreed. I flew to Jordan and was greeted with HUGE smiles from about 75 people, mom, dad, all his brothers, sisters, kids, etc. I couldn't umderstand why they all stared at me so. Five days later my husband told me that he told his family we got married in the other country. So, no wonder, they thought I was his wife! We ended up having a small wedding celebration in Jordan, not the normal kind. I felt jipped after I saw the typical wedding (lasts three days). However, it was very out of the norm for my husband to marry a foreigner. I am lucky, his family welcomed me and treats me very well. My husband was kind of a rebel his whole life, so he didn't care. He liked my indepedence and strong mind and nature. I converted to Musleum for the sake of marriage, but with no pressure to act muslem (prayer,dress, etc.) I am also older than him and he got a lot of flack for this, but love was very important to him.
I hope by explaining my circumstance you can see it is quite out of the norm. We waited 7 years before having kids as we wanted to live a bit before bringing in the pressures of a family. I guess people questioned him a lot as to why I wasn't pregnant, but we were living in the states and so, it wasn't in our face.

Your man might be getting pressure to marry a Jordanian now. He's probably confused. If you were in a sexual relationship, and you got pregnant, this would be VERY BAD! He might have seen the relationship leading to this (more intimacy) and wanted to avoid MAJOR problems. Or, his family might be against intercultural marriage. Or, it could have been moving too fast and he was just confused about what he wanted, so it is better to cut it off then to have MAJOR DRAMA. Just knwo that it is most likely nothing you did, but the traditions of Jordan. It's really not fair to you or him, but they are SOOO TRADITIONAL and everyone talks. Gossip would spread and it might shame his family. I hope this helps you understand his reasons for calling it off.

Even if there WAS a way for you to be together, I would not advice it. You want a man by your side, not someone who will crack if mommy will say no. Personally as a Jordanian, from a middle class family, I see it as too traditional. Family for me is not important, my own family would come first. They themselves sleep with foreign girls, and have sex with them, then say that they want a virgin that did not know a man. It is called hypocrisy. What is a wife to them? It is more like buying a cow to be honest, not marrying someone that you love. Marrying someone that mommy would choose for him. He would be spending an awful lot of time with his other family, and you would be feeling left out because of the cultural differences, and I really doubt many of his family know English well, or are willing to use it all the time around you. Seriously, I really recommend that no foreigners would get married to Jordanians. It is just too different. Not only with the family, and the man, but with the society. Having to act in a whole other way. Dressing up as if it is 10 degrees when it is actually 35. There are almost no parks, husbands would be jealous all the time. Nowhere to go for a peaceful ride on the bikes. Almost all marriages in the end die away, and become hollow. You have got to understand that life won't be all 'magical' all the time when you get married. There won't be parties, and hotel rooms, and shopping, and spending time 24/7. You'd be sitting at home, expected to take care of six children, while he works all day, and comes home with a bad mood. Unless you are both planning on leaving Jordan when you get married, I seriously would not recommend staying. Thinking that you can change his flaws of course will never work, believe me. You'll be suffering from lack of friends and company because there aren't many people who are willing to speak English all the time. The lifestyle here is really hard. Only people who have never known what it is like out, in other countries accept it, and think it is the way things should be. If he's Muslim you will have to change you're religion. No more Christmas shopping, and a happy cozy holiday atmosphere, with a big turkey on the table. And oh my, when the family gets together all they do is gossip! Saying bad things about others. Discussing their neighbor's dressing habits, or the latest thing somebody bought. Also the climate here is not that enjoyable. People will always stare at you in the street because you look more European. And believe ME it is bad. it is not because they are curious that they look, it is because nobody has even a peck on the cheek from another girl until they are married, and they get out their built up energy watching good old American porn. There is no such thing as a quiet wedding, it will be loud traditional Arab tasteless music, hundreds of people, eating Mansaf with their hands, and killing sheep. Seriously. Forget about him, and about Middle Eastern men in general.

@ peacelovelight
First of all, thank you for being so open. I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. It's really sad to hear that he can't be with the one he actually loves. I do know that a lot of marriages are still arranged in Jordan. He told me that he had to pick a girl (from pictures) to be his wife. He has only refused/postponed it so far. Unfortunately, I don't know what his family thinks of mixed marriages, because he never told anyone that we were seeing each other. In my opinion you can't know someone else's response until you tell them. So that's why I don't understand why he is so sure of it. Besides, I know that there are two more Jordanian men in the village where he lives who are married to non-Arab (meaning: Western) women. It's not something new in his community, but still those two men are not his family... I don't see where the big problems are if we truely love each other :)

@lyardanetz
Mixed marriages are expected to cause some problems, and not only because the culture differences. It seems that you are against mixed marriages, in particular of Arabs and non-Arabs. May I ask if you've had experience with this? The love we had was true and so real; I believed in it. I think that if one's love is strong enough, it will survive the differences and changes. Of course you have to sacrifice some things, but I think that it is to be expected if you decide to life in a totally different environment. I think that talking, patience, and big understanding are the keywords. Despite that it didn't work out for him and I, I do think that mixed marriages are possible - I think that we have a lot of good examples here on this forum.

Dear Sammi,

I am a jordanian woman who is married to a foreigner. I will try quickly mentioning few points here. I will start by saying I am sorry for the painful experience you have been through but you can consider it as any un successful relation ship as a start. On the other hand, here in Jordan traditions (weather wrong,logic or not) are so profound in the society. Some people broke those tight lines to a certain extend but still they do exist and people (specially young generation-men) follow though they might do not like it because they do not want to be the once who break the traditions and to be different than others and blamed by family members. Others feel security in those traditions as this is what they know and grow up with and they do not want to be the ones who bring the change. As this person told you its complex. My quick advise to you when you move to a new culture is to stay for a while really observing, asking, reading about the people and in case of a personal relationship ,,,as any relationship in the world, taking time with other side will bring lot of benefits. The private relationship between couples in our cultures here considered as  a celebration of the relationship so its saved to be after marriage, as I previously said weather this is wrong or right or logic or not that might seem to you but this is the fact here in jordan and several other arab countries. On the same time I met foreign girl friends who had a private relation with there jordanian partners and still those partners honored their commitments as it seems they knew exactly what they wanted and seems they believed that they really found their sole mates. I can talk more and more but I believe best thing for you is to take your time before you get involved emotionally and physically with anyone here or anywhere. Best of luck

Sammi :

@lyardanetz
Mixed marriages are expected to cause some problems, and not only because the culture differences. It seems that you are against mixed marriages, in particular of Arabs and non-Arabs. May I ask if you've had experience with this? The love we had was true and so real; I believed in it. I think that if one's love is strong enough, it will survive the differences and changes. Of course you have to sacrifice some things, but I think that it is to be expected if you decide to life in a totally different environment. I think that talking, patience, and big understanding are the keywords. Despite that it didn't work out for him and I, I do think that mixed marriages are possible - I think that we have a lot of good examples here on this forum.

It is not that I am against mixed marriages, no not at all. I am against people marrying from totally different cultures.

My mother is Russian, and she got married to my father in the mid 80's, who is Jordanian. I can easily say that they haven't so much as touched each other ever since I was about three years old. Right now they live with each other more out of habit than because they love each other. Mom always complains how alone she feels, and that it is hard to communicate for her in Arabic, and to express herself, and that she knows English really badly. Her co-workers always seemed to have trouble understanding her, because of the accent in Arabic, and the many mistakes that she makes, she never launched her career in any way. Our family is Catholic though, so I can't really comment much on the change of religion. I go to Russia every year, and I seriously hate it when I have to return to Jordan. People here are different. Different sense of humor. Girls at school complaining every few days how they hate that people look at them how they dress when they go out, feeling that it is unfair, and disgusting how some people react just because they are more open minded. That social gap between people is getting bigger and bigger. Some people are more liberal, while others still believe in arranged marriages. It is a total fiasco! People working in office buildings, having their own swimming pools, while others enforce child labor, and can barely find anything to eat.

Even for me, because my mother constantly spoke to me in Russian, I had a very hard time learning at school for the first few years. Jordan is a great place to visit, but living here is not that great. I don't even know if there is a library in my zip code! I have to be driven to get to a park around here. Jordanians or other Arabs can get accustomed here, no problem, foreigners rarely do. But really, if you would happen to live with each other out of the country, then it wouldn't be so bad. It might even actually work, and you would have a healthy marriage.

Thank you for your clear explanation Samar. I'm aware that the Jordanian culture is totally different than mine, yet I have great respect for it. I don't have romantic ideas about marrying, but I do think that a marriage is something you do only once in your life. To me, he was totally worth it. I would have given up my life here to live with him. I thought that he felt the same for me, as he said that I was his soulmate and that I was one of the few good things that ever happened to him. Yet, he didn't give us that opportunity to be together and I'm left here with uncertainty. The whole situation seems contradictory to me and I don't understand. Maybe I should see it as an unsuccessful relationship as you adviced, but at the same time I can't because of my feelings toward him.
I envy those foreign girls you met, as I must believe that they were very lucky

Thank you again :)

I agree with everything lyardanetz said.  I am married to a Jordanian as well and I am an American of Latin background.  I am a light colored-skin women and my children are light skinned and fair haired and when we go out we get stared at all the time.  I hear them whispering behind our backs and I too feel loney like her mother.  And everything she mentioned is exactly how my oldest daughter feels.  When we lived in the US it wasn't that bad but when we moved here, he started being abusive and controlling to the point that I wanted to leave.  I have stayed because I can't take the kids without his permission and if I were to leave they would be raised by his narrow-minded relatives.  He is no longer abusive but just living here is torment enough.  Society here is very traditional and has certain expectations that most westerners are not comfortable with.  Listen to this advice- forget him!  If his traditions and family are more important than you then obviously he doesn't think you are the one.  I know many women like you who married Jordanian men thinking love was enough and would conquer all and once the marriage began their lives turned into hell including me.  All of them are divorced now except for me and I don't do it because of my kids.  good Luck and you deserve better, someone who will accept you as you are regardless of your culture.  That is true love.

Thank you lyradanetz for your replies, they are right on!! I hope that all foreigners considering marrying a Jordanian could read them before they tie the knot. I wished someone would have told me all that, but, I do believe in true love, and I had that when I fell in love and got married. However, being so open-minded, I really thought that he would adopt more of the American ways, and he did on a few.
The whole part about the holidays you mentioned is so true. As I have  mentioned, we lived in the US for 13 years. My husband banned Xmas for the first 4 years, always causing a fight the day we were supposed to go to my parents house, and so I went alone. My family could never understand why he wouldn't come as he got along great with everyone. After 5 years he started attending, and then 2 years later, we had kids.I thought things would change because Xmas in the US, is really for the kids, you know, the whole Santa deal (even though I see it is really based on consumption of goods and marketing, etc), never-the-less, as a child it was the best day of the year and was always ultra exciting!! However, he did NOTHING to prepare for it!! He didn't buy one gift and each Xmas Eve when most parents put the kids to bed early so Santa can come while they prepared all the gifts around the tree, my husband fell asleep on the couch. He wouldn't even go in the bedroom so I could turn on some music and make the best of it. I found myself sitting alone in a quiet house as I put together the bikes, put up the stockings, or set up the train-sets etc. Year after year, it was the same. Really lonely!
I could never understand what was the big deal? He loves our children very much, why doesn't he participate? He just WON"T! He also doesn't help for birthdays, I plan everything, I clean the house, bake the cupcakes, put out the streamers, balloons, etc alone. The idea of a marriage as a partnership is mine. Valentines Days come and go as any normal day. If I want a birthday gift, I must just buy it myself (finally started doing that, as it is the only time I get anything "special"), like a computer (I am an artist and was working on a computer 7 years old that crashed all the time making me loose hours of work).  I asked for YEARS for a new computer. Instead, he'd sent large sums of money to his family in Jordan. So, now I just wait until my birthday and order it online and say it from him, but he never surprises me with something special.
Anger seems to run in his family. Not sure if all Arab men are like that, but everything makes him mad and the focus is always on something negative...what this person said, what they did, what he doesn't like. I have sadly accepted it...always looking for ways to justify it.
Sammi, you have mentioned a few times that you are soul mates. I too felt this, yet after years of thinking soul mates complete and compliment each other, I have learned this term is widely misunderstood. Soul mates actually reflect to each other life lessons that need to be learned. So marrying your soul mate can be quite stressful. I see the cup as half full, my husband sees it as half empty, it turns out we are polar opposites....I'm a Taurus, he's a Scorpio. I say "yes", he says, "no." I had always dreamed of marrying a man who was my best friend where we shared our life, experiences and responsibilities, however lardanetz was spot on...women are expected to really, do it all...the cooking, cleaning, shopping, kids, EVERYTHING, while the man just sits back and relaxs watching us work. I often tell him, "you know, if you helped me clean up the house then we'd have more time to have fun...instead of it taking me the whole day to clean, it'd take half the day and we could go somewhere." But, it is ignored. If I ask for help, I'm "a nag."
I complained the other day and got him to do the dishes (he's not working a job right now)...so he did the dishes; about half the load of what we normally have. He said, "i hate doing the dishes!! this sucks!!" I said, "yes, it does. I hate it too. But I have to do it, EVERYDAY 3 times a day. Why? Because I am a woman!! I have a college degree and many talents and interests. He does not have a degree and no interests, yet still, I must do everything.
Basically I told him that it seems as if he is shovenistic of which he denies. But what else to you call it? Why must I do all the menial work?..again because I am a woman...and this is how he was raised. At least in the US you can find some men that will share in these tasks...but it is rare here.
It may appear that I am only complaining, and yes, I am, but my point is to any woman who thinks that these things will change or be equally shared...it just won't...13 years now and it's still the same.
Before we were married he did help and I thought, well, he's different...but once the kids were born, he stopped cooking...before we'd take turns... but now everything is my responsiblity or it won't get done. It was a rude awakening, one I battle with every day. I put on a smile now, and do it all for myself, and for the kids. But, as was stated, it is a lonely life.
Also, it is a battle to spend time with my fiends, although I have none now in Jordan. But in the US I had many, as I am a people person. We were always invited to parties and to do fun things. My husband ALWAYS caused a fight the last 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave. For years this would prevent me from going. I felt like a flake to my friends...then, I just stopped expecting him to come. My fiends would always ask where my husband was as everyone wanted to meet him. But, he just wasn't interested in meeting my friends husbands, all of which were very cool and I know he would have formed some great friendships, however, he wouldn't go. He always talked about how much he missed Jordan and his family...and so when the market crashed in the US and jobs were scarce I suggested we move to Jordan thinking, finally he will be happy!!
However, he is not...he is worse! His family always has some daily drama...of course, there are 10,000 family members in our village, so someone always has an issue. And here, everyone is expected to be invloved. How do the men work here, I wonder? Every week there is at least one funeral lasting 3 days...or a wedding... or a graduation...something!! Last week there were 4 funerals! If he had a "real job", how could he go to it? And you have to pay for everything!! If someone dies, we must pay, if they get married, we must pay...at Ramadan, we pay...we are trying to finish building our house, yet all of our money goes to other people's life problems. I often ask, "well, we've been paying for 13 years, when is it our turn? If everyone pitched in 100 JD we'd have our house finished!! But this is not heard of). We have sent over $125,000 over the past 13 years...and have not once gotten a dime. I just don't get it. I also asked, "can't we be excused for a year to pay all of this money so we can finish our house?" But no, we must still pay.
Everyone says how sorry they feel for us because we don't have a house, yet nobody does anything about it to help us finish it...so as far as I am concerned, the "feeling sorry for us", is just words.
Please, ask yourself, is this the kind of life I want...forever? As wintersolace said, once you have kids, you are stuck...it will complicate everything!!
But, I am grateful; to have found this website...maybe all of us who are experiencing this can be friends...sounds like we've got a lot in common and through friendship can make things a bit easier :)

VERY COMPLICATED BUT THE BEST LOVE YIOU WILL FIND

Dear Sammi,
It’s nice that you have opened your heart here and disclosed about your relationship. Where you have mentioned “He's from Ma'an[/b], if that helps.” ….
I believe that it is surely be possible to be together. “If your husband loves you and is genuine...he will disclose about your relationship to his relatives.”
Read my story…
My husband, from Ma'an married me in 2010. He stayed in the UK for one year. Then he went back to Jordan. There he re-married his ex-wife (it may be morally upsetting) as we Muslims believe that it is better to live in an Islamic marital relationship and not commit adultery. This will draw lots of arguments on this forum but that’s what I accept in return for the love we share as a couple.
Recently ...i.e. in March 2013, before I visited him in Jordan, I requested him to disclose about me to his father. He told him that we loved each other and wanted to marry … (though I am already his legal and Islamic wife according to UK and Islamic laws since 2010). Over the phone, his father spoke a little English and has himself invited me to Jordan so as to re-organise a Jordanian type of ceremony in few months ...However, he (my father in law) wants that my husband secures a good job before I move to Jordan which shows that my in- laws are welcoming people and seemingly care for the wife irrespective of my Indian ethnicity. This makes me think that my f-in law has the impression that I would join my husband in Jordan…This discussion is just last month…
I am simply waiting to see how his first wife responds to this disclosure….If she is practising Muslim, she will eventually accept me. But if the husband is able to at least reveal about my marriage that shows that my husband does truly love me…(I am also considering to move to Jordan for one year curious to understand this polygamous way of living or (just to know what lengths my husband would go to continue our relationship if his first wife obstructed him from living with me). I haven't yet ...been through this polygamous way...but I believe that "where there is a will, Allah will make a way." To clarify,  -in Islam, a man is allowed to keep his second marriage as a secret but the second should be informed about his marital status before he marries her and that he must have sufficient means to treat them equally including spending quality time with them. Islam has allowed a kind divorce if the woman feels ill-treated.
Furthermore, In Islam, reverting a lady to Islam is preferable, not obligatory and a husband shouldn’t start imposing too much of Islamic practise from the start of a marriage. Preferably, it would be better if he spent quality time to make her understand the concepts with reasoning, also including what and why he himself practised as a Muslim.... I can’t imagine how a newly-wed wife is expected to practise Islam and adjust to a new life, culture, in-laws and country all at once and so quickly…
This all poses an enormous challenge for many non-Muslims and it does take hard time and effort to adjust to Islamic way of life if not given enough time to realise before marriage. A supportive husband would make her understand Islam first and persevere before imposing too many Islamic practises.
Perseverance is the way ahead… Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Even as two Muslim partners are to consider marriage, Islam allows discussing certain aspects of marriage within the presence of a family member...which does prohibit any discussions about sex and safeguards the chastity of the lady. If your BF is a good Muslim, he wouldn't even touch you before nikah...coz its Haram, meaning not permitted...its safeguarding you and saving you from having children who could become victimised if the relationship terminates.
Unbelievably... Islam is simple if followed and has made a woman's life much easier and  Islam has given more rights to a woman than a man...but local traditions and cultures have made it seemingly hard to follow. Apart from five daily prayers... at times, like the above forum users mentioned... local cultures practise unbelievably expensive customs during occasions like marriages and deaths and these are totally un-islamic; when these are followed, they bring more misery to a loving couple's life..even restricting your partner to disclose about you or preventing you from bonding a  permanent relation and having a family. Nowhere in Islam...does a man have to go beyond his financial status to spend lavishly apart from his obligatory duty to look after his parents, who definitely come before his wives.
Whilst visiting Jordan & Palestine during Easter holidays 2013......I have come to a conclusion...that...you mustn't trust whatever your partner says...check things for your own peace of mind…like I persevered and eventually it has worked after good two years...but still more is yet to be lived.
Lastly, if you want to provide me the real name of your partner...my husband can provide you more information about him...without your bf knowing about it because My dear husband is from Ma'an and states, "In Ma'an everybody knows one another and it’s easy to know about him..."
Just cross examine every step and be careful...Don't get caught into the grip…May the Almighty Lord show you the right path...
Regards
flowerinjannah

Salam Samar
Glad to have found a Jordanian girl on this site. I am not arab, my dad was egyptian and my mom was a colored woman from south africa and we live most of lives in south africa but still had a sunni muslim upbringing. I know that the relationship did not work between my mom and dad because she had 2 husbands after that.
(AAYIB!!)
BUT
I have married a jordanian man about 13 years ago and i am 5 years older than him and we had good and bad times which we have forgiven each other for. I left the house and too many things promised were not fullfilled. I know i really hurt his honor with all the arab in the community. We have not spoken to each other after 5 years and i received my talak papers as his citizenship was approved. I was not even present when i got talak and this hurt me sooo much that my love was to give me a talak. 
Anyway
We spoke once or twice after that but nothing about our lives as it was before..
Now
One month ago (after 10 years of not speaking),I dreamt about this man and I called him and to my amazement, he has never married again or have any children and neither have i or have any children. I however have become a successful business woman with a company of my own and a boyfriend (not and arab but belgium french) that is a doctor. My current boyfriend knows that i started speaking with my ex jordanian husband and that we have exchanged gifts etc.
but
What he does not know is the love my ex and i profess to still have for each other but too much has happened AND we speak to each other as if nothing has happened and that we are still with each other and accepted each other. He obviously comes from a more liberal jordanian family but i asked him not to tell anyone of whats happening between us as this will bring more shame to him. We are not in the same city but in the same state and we speak everyday and everyday the thought of what i did to him hurts me as he really is sweet and sensitive and caring like most jordanians.

Samar
what I want to know though: do you think that there could ever be any acceptance from his family (i never got to know them first time because i leave the house), for us to be together again or would it rather be better that I should convince him to go to Jordan and get his bride and somehow I could be with him also or do you think i am crazy and should just leave him be and let Allah decide for us as he says. I am just scared that because of the culture and the norm in jordan with an older woman situation that i could really mess his honor again..
should i just be the friend, knowing that we really love each other. I hear it in his voice when he speaks with me and i feel it in my heart that after all these years, Allah has brought us back together for some reason. We have a better relationship now then when we first met.I did not understand at that time what Arab was all about especially what he was all about, now what?? i speak with him and i want more and he is scared i know and wants to take it easy.we have decided on friendship for now but he says nothing written in stone here also, maybe we can become girlfriend or boyfriend again,everything so confusing..
I was wrong, I know, i apologize and he was wrong and too many evil people with us and everything broke..

Samar; since you are jordanian girl, you will know what i must do. help me please?? I think about him and for his family and i dont mind if they reject me because of what I do to him first time,you know,i can sacrifice for him, no problem..

Hi there
I felt really bad and I wanted to help you understand.

The thing is his parents might of found out and they told him to either pick you or his family. If he picked you his parents they were going to kick him out .
The other thing is he just might found a new girl he likes*sorry*
And again his religion matter to his parents
I know it wasn't a really good reply but I hope these helped you understand a little better.
I am so sorry again.

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