Successful/Unsuccessful Marriages to Egyptian Men Survey

I have been marred to my Egyptian husband for almost 3 years. I am South African and came from a completely different social class to my husband, I came from a relatively wealthy background and my husband not so much. It is a  daily struggle for me to a the environment in Egypt. We met on facebook and then in person and then got married here in Egypt. He comes from a decent family and is an accountant. I have read the countless tales of disaster on the internet of Egyptian men marrying foreign women, it didn't deter me, it just made me open my eyes a whole lot wider . I would say we are happily married, in terms of the relationship we share with one another, the way he treats me hasn't changed (yet? you never know - like I said one eye always open). He has never raised a hand to me or so much as shoved me or done anything physically violating. He is very affectionate and does his best to please me, however unfortunately many of my needs he is unable to meet because of his financial position. I must also add that most of our disagreements revolve around all that I am used to and all the negative things about Egypt that he cannot really change which I blamed him for not warning me about. We also dont see eye to eye on many of the habits that his paretns have and have raised him with which I either find unhygienic or down right disgusting. Im gettng to realise that i can only change him and not them. we have a son who will be 2 in a month and he certainly is a huge motivation to working towards making this marriage last. So I can say from experience that not all Egyptian men are abusive or violent, or only marry you for a visa ( my husband has a South African Relatives permit should we decide to move there but for now we are in Egypt) or to use you for your money, I came from a wealthy family but I came into this marriage with nothing more than a shipment of curtains bedding cutlery and mountains of my own personal items, nor did i have to pay for my airfare to get here. I worked at  huge  Banks and Insurance firms in south africa, I drove a mercedes, I went from that to taking cabs and minibuses because we dont have a car here in Egypt,  and being a homemaker. Its a big change. But for the most part I guess I would do it all again if i could go back.....
I would advise any women whose about to marry an egyptian man to never let any amount of sweet words cloud ur vision or make you unaware of the obvious... unfortunately men are men and as much as many of us have sour experiences dating western men, Egyptian men are not Gods they are males and of the same species too, they are fully capable of cheating lying using and abusing and abandoning just like any other man, the only thing s they are better equipped to do so armed with the inbred (i say inbred because having lived here in Egypt i can tell you the guy pulling a donkey cart and the guy wearing a suit carrying an ipad both can make u feel oh so special given half the chance to do so... )ability to gaze lovingly into your eyes and whispering sweet nothings into your ears. Its your duty to do your best to test and research and dig for dirt, and when you find it dont ignore it... dont just expect him to be honest, lfe here aint easy and f a fib here and there is all its gonna take to get ahead , he's going to do it. Ofcourse there are those who check out at first and once you marry it changes...... those are the most unfortunate and the saddest is trying to leave once you have kids involved so if possible I would suggest women wait a little while before adding children to the equation. And Pray and hope things work out.

Very interesting Safy....I wish you all the best.

You write about the duties a man has in Islam, that's where you made a mistake: not all Egyptian men are muslim, a large group is Christian. You might want to consider changing or rephrasing your research question.

besides: the internet is filled with stories from women who have been deceived by their Egyptian husbands, so I dare say your research question is a bit obsolete.

nothing obsolete about the question.....I think you have misunderstood....plus "obsolete" is not a right word to use in this context.

She wants to know the experiences of women married to Egyptian Men, either happy or unhappy, plus the qualities of Egyptian men that make these marriages work (or not work).

It does not really matter if a person is married to a Muslim or christian, just Egyptian.

@Chepkel, are you seriously questioning my English?? Seriously?? English is my mother tongue! the audacity you have!

Am not questioning your English....simply making a clarification and stating an observation; respectfully and politely, if i may add.

Again, you have misunderstood everything. Anyhow, let us leave this debate to the married folks as this thread was created for them. We are filling it with unnecessary bickering.

Peace to you sister, my apologies for this late response, but to be honest and fair, the last time I had checked no one had posted anything so I had surrendered to the fact that perhaps asking such questions so blatantly is not appropriate. I have currently browsed through your very sincere analysis of your own marriage and I am sure and certain it shall provide invaluable lessons to be drawn from for others. Thank you for taking the time and effort and may God keep your union blessed ameen. To the other sister,with all due respect, this question is not restricted to any particular faith but being Muslim myself I could only take the liberty of drawing everyones attention to what rights Islam affords to wives of Muslim husbands. Any Muslim man who has half a brain, and an iota of inclination to follow the beautiful teachings of his faith, will know that he and his wife are rendered garments unto one another, and he is bound by God's law to be the sole provider to his better half in terms of all basic necessities. He dare not partake off her wealth unless she were to willing offer it. As for rights, both the husband and the wife have certain rights and responsibilities to be fulfilled in order to preserve the tranquility and sanctity of this blessed union undertaken with God as witness. Btw to err is human and even though we may know English from our mother's womb we are prone to err.There is no shame in that. Shame lies in a lack of humility and mutual respect that is all.

Hello Ayesha السلام و عليكم,

I have read the contents of this blog with a lot of interest.

Firstly, it is not very clear as to who is conducting this survey ! Is this a part of a university thesis? What is the scope of this research? and will we ever know the outcome of this exercise in terms of do's and dont's  or statistics for other members that could be used as guidelines!

Secondly , please do not take it as a criticism, even before you received any feedback, you narrated sermon on the role of Islam in husband wife relationship which we have heard million times, the west looks at muslims on how they behave rather than what is preached in their religious books and I do not blame them for this.

I am surprised why no EB team member has not intervened since a very casual remark by a member on this subject could easily end up hurting and humiliating lots of readers.

Nevertheless I would like to support you in order to arrive at some conclusions, I suggest you post a message on England forum too, where I have spoken to half a dozen ladies married to Egyptian men and now  want to know immigration/ visa requirements and legalities in order to bring their spouse in the UK.

I think its not really a survey or research its just a simple request for personal experiences and thoughts. Safy121 has provided a great example

Very true sister...and right on target.

Hello everybody,

It is very important that while conducting a survey of any magnitude, we analyse a  'representative sample' in order to arrive at a statistically reliable verdict, and this can not be done even by speaking to 15 ladies on this forum.

This is the biggest mistake we as expatriate make to 'stereotype' certain traits without giving it a fair chance. It all depends if our dear friend Ayesha wants to propagate a decision she has already taken or she wants to be open minded and see the reality around us.   

wow. ok.  This is to AyeshaNikki, not all men are the same. there are horrible men of all races, religion, color, creed, etc.... Egyptian men are different, and I, myself have my own opinion of them. I have seen more horrible stories than good about Egyptian men and women. They are not easy people to deal with, they are very indirect in everything single solitary thing they do. they are like everyone else, nice on the outside, but they are very different deep down inside. like the rest of us, they are human. Would I marry  one? NO WAY. Would my friends? they have. Are they happy? NO they are not. Then again who is truly happy? You need to marry the man that brings out the best in you, makes you feel like no other man has made you feel before. taking a survey is moot. Make a pros and cons list, see where he has his best qualities and what are his worst. can you live with them? if yes, then go ahead. people hate the word divorce, but you know what, if it doesn't work out then walk out. it's all up to you. I personally wouldn't do it only because of my experiences with them. they have a culture that I disagree with on so many levels, they have a demeanor that I don't like, a sense of humor that I find vulgar, offensive, rude and crude, but that's me. I'm American so we find everyone offensive..lol! honestly I love Algerians and Tunisians, but many other people find them offensive. See, there is fault in everyone. so this question really needs to be directed to you. If he was worth it, then you wouldn't be asking us our opinion, so you obviously have doubt. when there's doubt, walk away.  I wish you the best. Good Luck/bon chance!

Dare I ask what types of experiences led you to feel this way? So you expatriated to Egypt for a while and then came back to the USA?

I am worried reading about the "nasty personal habits" of the first responder whose husband is an accountant. I am dying to know, now...what should I expect?!

I'm married to an Egyptian for about a year and a half now.  Everyday I should be careful of my actions as to not be the reason for us to fight because he says it's my fault we fight.  We are only married Islamic way not South African law way and he is trying to get his visa on his own. He has been in S.A for almost 9 years and he was very honest by saying he has slept around a lot but being married contained his "ho" ways but not his wandering eyes. Obviously we went for HIV test every 6 months before we got married.  His characteristics being impatient when he is the one waiting but has no problem making me wait for hours and when we argue he would sleep by his place for 2 or 3 days, as he only sleeps by me at night because we don't have a place of our own yet.  His favorite trait is he never says sorry when he hurts me, never admits he is wrong even when it's shown that he is. I am a relatively strong woman so I don't understand this hold he has over me that I take so much of his shit.  it's not like he provides for me or makes me feel good or important. like for example tonight.  He went to help his friend to fix his car, he went straight from me to him,  when I asked didn't he feel the need to tell me and didn't think it was important to tell me he was there from 2 in the afternoon till midnight because he didn't go out somewhere.  He then went to his place because his friend cut his hair  to take a shower. He told me no is better if I go sleep because the geyser is cold and he has to get up early tomorrow to buy stock and he is tired...

Hi Safy
I sent you an email, please check it out
Thanks
Ahmed

I think this was egyptian man who never experience to be with expat, but nowadays all egyptian man specially who where based in dubai was 90% liar at first to be able to win you they will tell all the most beautiful word you havent heard before after they got you they will tell you i cannot marry you my parents will not allow it at same time they only want egyptian then why at the first place you make her love you then?!! After all sweet things they will open up their financial struggles i had to pay this and that but heres the fun part despite all this they had time to go on a night club buy alcohol drinks slept with many expat they can and the next day pray al jumah.  In the end of it correct they dont want any from the girl family and hes family should know what happen between them and what hes doing here in UAE, also at the end this egyptian man wants to marry a virgin for what you deserve a virgin wife? If your rubbish hope this will be an eye opener for all women who want a serious relationship never trust a single egyptian man i know my fingers are not same but you will never find one here specially in UAE they all play and seek money like your their express atm account if they need money out from their drama - he even tell me he came from wealthy family whose into business but its only make up story then why hes here working into sales -