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Thai- Farang relationship--- some advice please

Hi I met or was picked up rather by a Thai bar girl in June. I have since spent about 8 weeks with her in Thailand on and off until now. I have read all the dos and don'ts but am still at my wits end. The girl is in her 30s. I was taken to see parents on 3 occasions now, she lives in a rural village. Since we decided to make the relationship a bit more permanent [she says I'm her boyfriend] she no longer goes to Pattaya. I know this because I Skype everyday and she is clearly in her farmhouse. Of course this doesn't mean she hasn't a Thai boyfriend. She says she wants us to be a long term relationship as the villagers have all 'seen me' and she doesn't want to be seen with multiple farang boyfriends. All the family seem very pleasant and treat me well. She recently attacked me [nothing major] as she said she had to 'stop me' as she believed I was looking at other girls in a bar. She also said I 'walked' away from her as yes when she became moody [too much drink] I thought she was going to hit me again in public. Is this normal Thai rationale? Any thoughts anybody?

Bar girl

Dude, forget it ..... and I have to be brutally honest here, get an HIV check.

http://www.yourpattaya.com/pattaya-thai … e-sex.html

Massive rates of STDs, including AIDS amongst prostitutes - YES, Prostitutes, not the better sounding bar girls.

Apart from that, way too many reliable stories about these girls having multiple serious
foreign boyfriends, milking the lot for every penny they'll send them.
I know a guy that married a Thai prostitute; she was always asking for money until it stopped flowing, then she flowed away to another man.

Sorry to be harsh, dude, but you'll be way better off out of it.

tarzan7 :

Hi I met or was picked up rather by a Thai bar girl in June. I have since spent about 8 weeks with her in Thailand on and off until now. I have read all the dos and don'ts but am still at my wits end. The girl is in her 30s. I was taken to see parents on 3 occasions now, she lives in a rural village. Since we decided to make the relationship a bit more permanent [she says I'm her boyfriend] she no longer goes to Pattaya. I know this because I Skype everyday and she is clearly in her farmhouse. Of course this doesn't mean she hasn't a Thai boyfriend. She says she wants us to be a long term relationship as the villagers have all 'seen me' and she doesn't want to be seen with multiple farang boyfriends. All the family seem very pleasant and treat me well. She recently attacked me [nothing major] as she said she had to 'stop me' as she believed I was looking at other girls in a bar. She also said I 'walked' away from her as yes when she became moody [too much drink] I thought she was going to hit me again in public. Is this normal Thai rationale? Any thoughts anybody?

Hi Tarzan
Welcome to Expat.com. Great first post. Sorry to say that in my opinion you are either very naive or a troll. If you are the latter then you will find this forum is not a good place for trolling.
If you are the former. Get a grip man, there are thousands of women here happy to hook up with a westerner and none of them work in a bar.
Do you really expect a bar girl to give up the trade when you are in your home country? Unless of course she is on a retainer from you and even then don't expect it to be exclusive. Plenty of "girls" have multiply overseas investors!

Sorry to be so blunt but its a fact of life.

Welcome to Thailand.

Thanks for your replies guys  can you suggest a more reliable safer way of meeting someone genuine

The only thing i can say is that i know for definite she is not working the bars now as i skype everyday at night and she is on the farm.  I have been three times and know it the plus you don't get many chickens going crazy in pattaya lol   of course it is possible she has a Thai boyfriend or multiple faring boyfriends. She has shown me communication she has had with a previous boyfriend telling him about me and I've even spoken to the guy  the texts  seem pretty innocuous but again it could still be part of a scam. What do you think about private investigator services?  Am I going over the top but as you can probably tell i really like her and don't want to miss out on what MIGHT be a good thing  OH and guys I'm not a troll just a genuine guy trying to find something good . Tthanks for your help.

Anyone that resorts to hitting, even if minor, will continue this behavior and probably get worse as time passes.  I would suggest you run not walk away from this lady.

There is no reliable way to find what you call a genuine lady.  Learn to walk whenever you meet one that triggers that gut feeling...this lady has problems.  Remember you cannot change a persons normal behavior and you should never try because it will only cause problems down the road.

Yes straydog  i too feel she has some serious problems    for instance one night she got drunk and things started coming out such as her grandfather molested her and that she has an std in the past  and that she owes the king money  a student loan i think   a real shame because at most times she is great     but i think she has too many  problems    and she certainly likes a drink     thanks for your help

For me,Tarzan sound like a first time to Thailand, i might be wrong !!!!

Tarzan you write your self, she have a problem with drinking, problem with attacked you and your all ready try to make up excuse for her doing so.
She still have contact with former "customer" like you, you can call your self boyfriend, but you are a "customer" nothing more, sorry to say so.

Her stories about her grandfather molested her and she own the king money MIGHT be true. but after hear same stories from +30 Bar girls, i am pretty sure it is BS.
Why she tell you this you think ?
It is because later on when she going to ask you for money to pay the money back from her school days (student loan)
You are going to help her out for sure...

Ofcause her family like you, they all so gambling that you going to fall in love with her, then support her with money, and therefor the family is get more money, So yes them all like you....

You write about using private investigator services, are you for real man ?
If you thinking about that, you know in you brain, the one in you head on your shoulder, not the other one, That this is not going to work.

Tarzan you er clear for me in over you head, and she setting you up, i have no doubt about that.
She have other foreigner man like you, i am sure of that.
Your are a "Customer" for her.

Sure i might be wrong, i don´t know everything.

But think about it mate.
Do you plan to support her to keep her out of the bar ?
Like send 20.000 - 50.000 baht pr month ?
Money for her apartment, power bill, internet, tv, food, cloth, money for fun, and money for her family.
It all run up fast !!!
If you can´t do that, and she don´t want to have "normal" work, where do you thinking she going to make her money then ?
And even so you pay this, she might still go work as Bar girl, Many of the girls like the live stile there and friends there.

Are you planing to move to Thailand and live here in the near future, if not, run away mate, and fast.
So many bar girls here have many "Boyfriend" like you, and think about if she have like 5-10 BF like you, all paying the same kind of money.

You can ofcause forget about us trying to warn you, and learn for you self (The hard way), but please don´t put more money into this, then you are okay by losing.


If you want to meet girls that don´t work in a bar, then get out of the bar mate, stop sitting on a bar waiting for her to come, That kind of girls don´t go to bar mate.
Stop drinking every day when you here (if you do that), never go around with a beer in you hand (not saying you do that)
And don´t smell of beer. Don´t dress like the guys at the bars.
No "normal" Thai girl want that from a foreigner man that might want to date.


If you still want to try make a live with her, then forget what i type mate. And good luck to you.

Well thanks for your help guys. Not really what I wanted to hear but that's life eh. I think maybe I back off slowly and see the reaction, but  I definitely take on board what you say. Will also look at other avenues for meeting someone. Who knows but don't think I will be as naïve in the future. Cheers.

I can only concur with what the previous members have stated. 

After 40+ years coming and going from Asia I have seen and heard this story many many times.  Bail out and have nothing more to do with her.

Well guys thanks for your advice but I have now been on numerous other blogsites and there are multiple example of these relationships working. So I think I will continue for now but take things carefully and step back a bit. It's not that I don't believe you I am certain that many of these relationships don't work but equally some do so I will take some time but make sure I don't commit myself too much. Thanks for your advice. I will keep it in the back of my mind.

You can take the girl out of the bar, .. but you can't take the bar out of the girl!

Get out while you can!! Think about it? Do you want to live in a village where no one speaks your language? Of course her family was nice to you, ... you are the Mother Lode!! .. the bottomless ATM .... the answer to all their prayers!

I married a Thai girl, that I met in Bangkok. she was not a bar girl, but all they want is money, .. their companionship and body are for hire! I got sucked into a vortex of spirally costs building a house, ... on land owned by her family, (because foreigners can not own land) The house was supposed to cost 1.5 to 2 million baht and take 6 months to build. Two years and 7 million baht later, .. I was broke. As soon as you are broke, you have no use, ... like an empty tube of toothpaste.

Three weeks after the flow of cash dried up, she was cheating on me and running off with another farang. Guess how fast the family turned on me? I never spent a spent a single night in the house I built, but all my things were stored in it! They kept everything, ... even my clothes!

My wife was sweet and attentive for more than 2 years, ... your gf has already let her "Thai Girl becomes TIGER" attitude show! Run for the hills and be thankful you did not get any further involved!

not equally!!! Most do not work, .. the only ones that do work are the ones where the money flow never stops! Stop thinking with your little head! Why ask for advice if you will not listen what we have taken time to tell you!!!

you deserve all that you will get if you continue, ....

The general advice given is clear - think with your head, not your sausage.
The former will get you clear of a bad situation, the latter will get you to the ATM until the cash runs out.

hi and welcome

you WILL need a lawyer soon enough as you appear to be green to the Thai ways

DO NOT sign anything that you cannot read
DO NOT lend money no matter how bad the situation appears
DO NOT promise anything
DO NOT panic when they call the uncle as he's a policeman

You will get banged around and confused until you know the rules of the bar.

But have fun.

Based on the limited information. If you are young man, you might invest some time. However, from what you said here, damage has been done, you didn't do it. Find another. Would be happy to help you. Best wishes.

"Is this normal Thai rationale?"

For a normal respectable Thai female, absolutely not, for a seasoned bar girl, yes definitely.

Other posters have been quite harsh, but they have presented the facts.

How much a month is it costing you for her to have stopped work?
Where in Thailand does she come from...... Isaan by any chance?

I am the Executor of many Wills in Thailand and the first questions the Thais ask is how much did he leave me and how soon can i get my hands on it.

Good or bad

it is what it is

The general consensus seems to be I'm wasting my time and money with this girl. So be it. Maybe I just go and use them for a leg over and try somewhere else for a serious relationship.

Kwamkhit Dee as they say in Thailand!!! ... Good Idea!

Where do I find another my friend. Hear the same stories about girls from internet websites. Seems like the whole thing is a nightmare.

I have met some decent women on dating sites, but they are usually mid 30s or older! The young ones all seem to love one thing .... money! Best to satisfy your lust and keep your bank account intact! Don't mistake lust for love and don't get taken in by their acts! they are very good! I remember seeing one on her phone, crying and telling her "boyfriend" ( read one of many customers) what a bad time she was having! She was crying and sobbing and begging him to send money. When she ended the call, ... she started laughing and hi 5ed her friend!

There are so many! Variety is the spice of life! Change girls like your underwear, ...daily!

tarzan7 :

The general consensus seems to be I'm wasting my time and money with this girl. So be it. Maybe I just go and use them for a leg over and try somewhere else for a serious relationship.

Not really - your chances of a nasty disease are far too high.
Apart from the moral issues, the numbers suggest you would be foolish to use prostitutes.

try thaifriendly
there seems to be some nice ones there
but in the end you will end up supporting kids or family or broken buffalo or or or

So Blackjack 2 what you do then for a woman. You in Thailand or you gone home with bad feelings about the place.

I run a Law Office in Pattaya
been here nearly 15 years
seen it all

"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
Forrest Gump

incidentally do you do property conveyancing. I'm looking to buy an apartment, just for me

Thing is though Blackjack 2 you are viewing it from the position of when things go wrong. Obviously as a lawyer you will see lots of people who are in legal disputes etc but do you have any knowledge of these relationships working out.Just a thought

You are worthy of better than that, are you not?  Be open to something good happening for you outside the bar.

Pattaya = sin city. Great place for a single guy to holiday but perhaps not not the place to look for a nice girl - though that's not to say there aren't any nice ones living and working in Pattaya.

Pattaya is not representative of Thailand.

If you do join Thaifriendly (recommended) be aware that any girls you see online in the early hours of the morning Thai time are likely to be "working" girls.

we dont actually have properties (only through friends) as we are not property agents
we do the legals though

As a Lawyer I do have friends and network with many clubs
of course I know many that are quiet happy in there relationships

however I always advise people whether they get offended or not about the way it is here

I try very hard to protect my clients in contract form

sometimes it works and sometimes not

Ok Blackjack, I am looking for a condo. Maybe you can do the paperwork if you let me know where you are.

Blackjack this isn't a dig at you personally but a genuine question:

I often wonder how it is that so many farangs are able to legally work in Thailand providing legal services given that it is a prohibited type of work under the Alien Employment Act?

Providing legal services or engaging in legal work, except arbitration work; and work relating to defense of cases at arbitration level, provided the law governing the dispute under consideration by the arbitrators is not Thai law, or it is a case where there is no need to apply for the enforcement of such arbitration award in Thailand.

http://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=143921

I understand what you are trying to do and it is admirable but I agree with the other gentleman advising you; if she is abusive then what be enough to walk away.  There is a limit to jealousy and believe Thai girls can be "very" jealous but the hitting is where it stops.

I was very fortunate to find someone on a site called Dates in Asia.  Once again you have to think like a thai girl.  She is not rich, she has many relatives that need taking care of, and she has a very close attention to your wallet.  There are lots of young ladies that are not bar girls; some have degrees, some have very good jobs, and some are honest about not wanting your money BUT they ALL want what any woman wants, SECURITY...and you have the forwith to give them that. 

So my advice if it means anything; take your time.  Get to know her; go visit her; and by all means DO NOT tell them you love them unless you are planning to make this a permanant relationship; and if you do go to this site remember you are just visiting and be ready to block some.  Like I said, I got lucky but it took me at least 20-30 hello's before I met a really choice person.  Good luck my friend; keep your hand on your wallet.

[Moderated : inappropriate content ]

Hi there mate,

I have read most of all the comments wd full of good advices. You are this so serious in finding the right and good relationship to cherish. YOU really deserve to someone who can love sincerely and true to you in anyhow.

I am a woman and I think that is a perfect horrible action of a woman kind. Open your eyes wide and look down your heart what is really u are wanting to have life worth for.... have confidence that somehow the Ms. Right is simply just right here. Pray for Ms. Right...who knows.

hello
good question and one that I can answer

1. The foreigner working in our office is the CEO and manages things, he is not a share holder nor is he a Director
2. He does not practice law ie appear in court as the lawyer
3. He does translation and deals with customers to help better understand and focus their problems then gives it to the staff that can legally do the work ie write the plaints and appear in court
4. He does act as the Executor of living and last wills and appears in court to give testimony and swears oaths
5. He does have a work permit and the work is approved by the Labour Department
6. He does have an extension of stay from Immigration
7. He is attached to a company registered at the DBD
8. The company pays for 4 Thai staff and their social security
9. The company pays tax and does their accounts once a month
10. A certified accountant does the accounts and the foreigner pays tax once a month
11. He does advertising and answers enquiries

So I hope this answers your questions

thanks

yes if you shop in the wrong cheap charlie places you will get the wrong product

Pattaya is sin city
but with 1 million people in the Chonburi district you get the good and the bad

lets say there are 50000 girls working the bars etc

what do the rest do?
work in Lotus, big C, restaurants, hotels, tours, office etc etc.

So one cant say that there all bad girls - most do it because they're poor and need to send money back home to feed the tribe - this you must accept as reality. A good night on the town is a months feeding for the poor Thai's

However, a seasoned bar girl knows all the tricks and how to extract money from you and can work you out in 5 sentences.

So if you hang out in a bar with seasoned bar girls then this is what you will end up with. Its called the white knight syndrome where the foreigner wants to save this girl from this bar life.
Many guys pay for the girl to stay away from the bar and as soon as they return to their country the girls are back on the bar stool happily looking for a new sponsor and all the while accepting your money that you're sending them to stay out of the bar. She might have 5 or more sponsors and so good bucks.

There are plenty of places to meet nice women. There are teachers, government workers, police and service women, nurses etc. So change your hunting ground and you may find better quality.

tarzan7 :

Ok Blackjack, I am looking for a condo. Maybe you can do the paperwork if you let me know where you are.

I should have attached the quote

where do you want the condo
how big
sea views
price
etc etc

as I have plenty of friends that sell
thanks
click here for us

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