Why did you move to Indonesia?

Mine kinda sounds cheesy and corny.hehe

The reason why i decided to moved to Indonesia is because i found happiness in here. compare to the two countries like Singapore and Dubai that I've been to. Indonesia is the one that stood up for me i really felt comfortable living in here. i love the people i learned a lot from them they toured me around, instead of going to fancy restaurant we just eat near the sidewalk of the street. i sat on the floor together with the locals and it was fun. we enjoy our food and at the same time i get to meet and talk to different people also. i'm more into simple life, so Indonesia is perfect for me to start all over again in life. Hopefully one day i can be a very successful man in Indonesia and stay here for good.

John, I'm going to offer the prediction that most all replies to Mike's post will fall very much in line with your post where you so eloquently summed up exactly what my reply would be.

I vividly recall the concerns, bewilderment and sometimes shock expressed by many of my friends back in the US when I first moved to Indonesia many years ago.  Ironically, over the years some of those same friends have come to visit me here in Bali, and they once again expressed bewilderment and shock, but this time that was expressed more along the lines of “OMG what a great life and wonderful home you have made for yourself.”

But to answer Mike's question more directly, my reasons for moving to Indonesia were rather simple…Indonesia is where I met my wife, and she made it crystal clear she wasn't about to move anywhere else than right where she was…in her ancestral village outside of Ubud.  That was no problem for me, as not only had I fallen in love with her, but I had also fallen in love with her entire family and her village. 

This all transpired about 16 years ago and I've never once felt even a tinge of regret although, I do sometimes miss real lobsters, and the sound of falling snow.  In all those years I've never returned to the US, not even for a quick visit.  My close expatriate friends that have returned home once or twice all tell me the same thing…they couldn't wait to get back to Bali as soon as possible, and even more salient, they all felt a sense of disconnect when they did visit back home.

I've given considerable thought as to why for so many of us that Indonesia fulfills our life's dreams so completely.  I've concluded that there are many reasons, but the one singular and most common reason is family and the deep respect and essential role that family plays with each and every Indonesian.  Unfortunately, for many of us who know the West well, the basics in life have been abrogated there for ephemeral pursuits of job success, money, status symbols or just plain greed.  Many of us have truly lost sight of what it is that indeed makes us rich…but that is not the case here, where what defines our humanity best is well understood and cherished above all else. 

I vividly recall an experience I had here in Bali way back when I was first “learning the ropes” and my Balinese driver, (soon to be cousin) was driving me to another nearby village.  Along the way we passed a rice field where a frail old man was emerging dressed in the classic Balinese straw hat and rags and bearing the classic “C” curved sickle.  I commented to Jaya, “that poor old man still having to break his back working his rice fields.”  Without loosing a beat, Jaya replied. 

“That old man is Pak Agung.  He leased two hectare of land recently and has about 3 billion IDR in the bank.”     

I had no reply for Jaya, and I didn't understand at all what that all meant at the time.  But I do now.   

BTW John, that is one awesomely great looking dog you have there! 

Cheers!

Thank you very much! i wish i can take my dog with me in Indonesia but unfortunately i have to leave my dog in my country so that my grandma won't be lonely when she's alone.

Anyway wow i enjoy reading your story, very well said.

John_Paulo wrote:

Thank you very much! i wish i can take my dog with me in Indonesia but unfortunately i have to leave my dog in my country so that my grandma won't be lonely when she's alone.

Anyway wow i enjoy reading your story, very well said.

Hi John, Shame that you cannot bring your dog but it's good that your grandma will have the dog to comfort her.

My new wife said it was too cold in England.
She was right.

Mr. Ubudian, glad to read your story and knowing that you're happy for being in Bali.

mas fred wrote:

My new wife said it was too cold in England.
She was right.

And my english friends said so too

Following my husband.. And this is not the first country (also not the last). Feel so sad now.. I can't live in here anymore   why people can't accept when a mix Chinese and Dutch married with Arabian?? Happens 3 times, after my husband company me for breakfast, then on his way trough the lobby, another guy asking "how much she charge U for all night companion". Then my husband said "She is my wife", even after that all of them said sorry for a thousand times, that's really hurt You know! What's the f*ck*n wrong with all of this sh*t peoples. I always wearing politely dress, talk as less as possible, respectfull, cover my legs and my body. Also never wearing any make up unless powder and lip balm. Really2 upset.. I thought people wo goin' to 5* hotel is little bit smarter and more respectful. I was wrong, they can't indentifying between hooker with their mini shirt and short pants whom tried to catch guys attention and a woman who politely sat on privilege table and enjoy her breakfast with her different cultures husband.

Bella_Shu wrote:

Following my husband.. And this is not the first country (also not the last). Feel so sad now.. I can't live in here anymore   why people can't accept when a mix Chinese and Dutch married with Arabian?? Happens 3 times, after my husband company me for breakfast, then on his way trough the lobby, another guy asking "how much she charge U for all night companion". Then my husband said "She is my wife", even after that all of them said sorry for a thousand times, that's really hurt You know! What's the f*ck*n wrong with all of this sh*t peoples. I always wearing politely dress, talk as less as possible, respectfull, cover my legs and my body. Also never wearing any make up unless powder and lip balm. Really2 upset.. I thought people wo goin' to 5* hotel is little bit smarter and more respectful. I was wrong, they can't indentifying between hooker with their mini shirt and short pants whom tried to catch guys attention and a woman who politely sat on privilege table and enjoy her breakfast with her different cultures husband.

Hi Bella, So sorry to hear that story. It's grossly unfair and the people who dare to ask such a question are just plain rude uneducated pigs. Your husband should have a quick answer to that kind of person, such as "I paid the same as I paid for your mother last night". But perhaps that's also not a good idea.

Unfortunately there are always people like that in Asia and there always will be. They are really dimwitted people who are obviously not happy in their own lives. But on the good side they obviously find you very attractive and are probably jealous of you and your husband.

Yes mike, I dunno what's wrong. Because I also saw hotel staff(mostly girl) who joking and involving themselves with guest conversation where seems like they are trying to attract them. People said they're just try in' to be nice and care. But if there's Giggles and and little bit naughty intonation with high cut uniform? I don't think so. Once a guy ever asked my husband about visiting puncak, and tell him about a lot of beautifull girl that available. My husband didn't really got that message @the day when he told me, until I find out the fact on internet that puncak is a prostitute recomended area for UEA guests(mostly). *crying*

Bella_Shu wrote:

Yes mike, I dunno what's wrong. Because I also saw hotel staff(mostly girl) who joking and involving themselves with guest conversation where seems like they are trying to attract them. People said they're just try in' to be nice and care. But if there's Giggles and and little bit naughty intonation with high cut uniform? I don't think so. Once a guy ever asked my husband about visiting puncak, and tell him about a lot of beautifull girl that available. My husband didn't really got that message @the day when he told me, until I find out the fact on internet that puncak is a prostitute recomended area for UEA guests(mostly). *crying*

Oh I didn't know Puncak was famous for that. I usually go there for family gatherings or to rent a villa or to visit Taman Safari with the kids. Also I think you should be able to dress however you want, if your husband doesn't mind, because most husbands also want to be proud of the way their wives look. Not sure about all Arabs though. Anyway, it's just something that is part of life same as stupid people are also part of life, and probably even if you lived in Europe you will get stares and sometimes comments so best try not to take it to heart and just enjoy your lives together wherever you live.

Well my husband not kinda straight person who dictate me how to dress up and behave. If a man marrying a woman so that's means he can accepting all aspect of life from his wife's right? And I'm not kind of girl who like to be rude in new environment with short or tank top, also not kind of person who wearing abaya and Moslem wear (unless at home). Just a normal lady who never spread my body everywhere (and it's useless).Both of us were born in west, went to western scholars, and mostly livin out of Asia. Just a normal couple, for us the color of our skin, our eyes, and what's we're look like isn't matter. But I never realize that all of those things bringing big affection in this country. We also can't buy such as contraception or lubricant together at pharmacy. Because it's happened so many times, when we're shopping together then went to pharmacy. The pharmacy staff instantly stare at my husband triangle when I brought 3 bottles of lub. My God!!! Disaster!! I really don't understand what's in their mind. Once I bought safety layer because I couldn't back home for my contraception injection with my private obgyn at glene*gl*. One of a customer talk to me to be carefull from sex under marriage (Whatta damn hell!!). Then I explain to him that those caps for my husband. He said sorry to said all of those things to me, he thought I was bought for my boyfriend because married couple no need to be worries about contraception. Oh damn!! After that we never shopping personal things together. Really2 a big joke!!! Contraception is not something that weird man!! It's normal, in our life that's absolutely normal.. Even we're married, we need to control our future life. Why so sensitive?? And we have right to choOse when the right time we works out for our baby. A better plan is in our hands. Btw thanks for ur advice mike, may God always blessing U and Ur family.

Bella_Shu :

I think you should not ignore what people say to you, is important your husband's love for you is more than enough

and one more thing, if I am not wrong most of the Arab expat (having a mistress in Indonesia) so maybe they think you are the mistress of your husband (probably because your face is similar with Indonesia woman's face or mixture of indonesia and china face). . turns out they were wrong, if you are his wife.

hope, you enjoy in Jakarta

Regards,
Mia

You are not the only one. My wife has suffered many insults from taxi drivers, people in the street  etc because she is with me. I think the people who do this are clearly uninformed, unintelligent people who can dream of the life you have with your husband and the adventures that it leads to.

'F 'em' often springs to mind when this happens and I know at the end of the day my wife will just return the insults and make the men fee very insecure as well as any one else watching.

Don't despair and remember that when you are on a fantastic vacation with your husband. Think then of the worthless souls that tried and failed to insult you and how much better you are knowing you will keep growing while they will never start.

thamia wrote:

Bella_Shu :

I think you should not ignore what people say to you, is important your husband's love for you is more than enough

and one more thing, if I am not wrong most of the Arab expat (having a mistress in Indonesia) so maybe they think you are the mistress of your husband (probably because your face is similar with Indonesia woman's face or mixture of indonesia and china face). . turns out they were wrong, if you are his wife.

hope, you enjoy in Jakarta

Regards,
Mia

thanks Mia, yes maybe You right. Well, just be patient. My friend is right, she is Vietnamese then married with guy from dubai with 2 kids. She told me that the most annoying things is when the're visitting their parent, people always thinking she is nanny for those kids *handsonface". Then said "Ur boss not afraid have a beautifull nanny like U?". OMG!! FYI my friend is PhD. But, there's always people judging The book by The Box Lol.

So sorry to hear what you've been through here. How I see it as an Indonesian, yes indeed some Indonesians have that negative stereotype on Arabs or Middle-Easterns (sadly, that's a fact) which unfortunately taken to extreme level by some smaller percentage of people. Yes the problem is not on you, but the problem lies on you being at the side of a Middle Eastern. I'm sorry that you have to meet those kind of people.

"how much she charge U for all night companion"

No matter what's the race of the guy who asked you, he must one of those who generalize the Middle Easterns, or, he might just already a sex maniac from the start.

Despite of the devilish traffic, Puncak is a great place to hang out with family or friends. Hookers can be found in a crowded place, that's not a new thing, whether it's a place for nightlife like Legian or a place for solitude-ish feeling like Puncak. Actually I don't see how's the question of visiting puncak insults someone, because it's a common question that can be asked to all guys, some kind of "men conversation" -- no matter what's his race, married or not. Of course it's not a proper or even a good question, but you know what I'm talking about. You know better about the condition when the question was being asked to your husband, whether you were there or not, so CMIIW.

I assume those kind of people exist everywhere in the world, I can't legitimate my assumption by giving evidence, but all of them are human as they are, with those small percentage of wankers which -unfortunately- become the percentage who gain the higher rank to be a topic of conversation (thus spreading nicely), or even to be in media. Stereotypes are everywhere, even when you see a stewardess talking nicely to a passenger or a hotel staff who is having a conversation with a guest.

I hate those kind of people as much as you do, but I do hope you'll enjoy being here, fuck the wankers, think about the good things!

@Lukereg It must be hard for you not to hang those people on the top of Monas, but since you're already here quite a long time, I think as far as you can say swear about them, you also can handle it.

lukereg wrote:

You are not the only one. My wife has suffered many insults from taxi drivers, people in the street  etc because she is with me. I think the people who do this are clearly uninformed, unintelligent people who can dream of the life you have with your husband and the adventures that it leads to.

'Fuck 'em' often springs to mind when this happens and I know at the end of the day my wife will just return the insults and make the men fee very insecure as well as any one else watching.

Don't despair and remember that when you are on a fantastic vacation with your husband. Think then of the worthless souls that tried and failed to insult you and how much better you are knowing you will keep growing while they will never start.

thanks Luke... Sweet regards for Ur wife..   I'm little bit upset, how all of those things happened in this hotel. If taxi driver who said all of those things, I can understand. But people who said like that is one of a guest at privilege lounge with nice suite and. People who can access that's room is people who spent more than $10.000 at this hotel. No problem, once contract finish, we'll move to K*mpins*. At lease cheaper than this hotel.

riveLrino wrote:

So sorry to hear what you've been through here. How I see it as an Indonesian, yes indeed some Indonesians have that negative stereotype on Arabs or Middle-Easterns (sadly, that's a fact) which unfortunately taken to extreme level by some smaller percentage of people. Yes the problem is not on you, but the problem lies on you being at the side of a Middle Eastern. I'm sorry that you have to meet those kind of people.

"how much she charge U for all night companion"

No matter what's the race of the guy who asked you, he must one of those who generalize the Middle Easterns, or, he might just already a sex maniac from the start.

Despite of the devilish traffic, Puncak is a great place to hang out with family or friends. Hookers can be found in a crowded place, that's not a new thing, whether it's a place for nightlife like Legian or a place for solitude-ish feeling like Puncak. Actually I don't see how's the question of visiting puncak insults someone, because it's a common question that can be asked to all guys, some kind of "men conversation" -- no matter what's his race, married or not. Of course it's not a proper or even a good question, but you know what I'm talking about. You know better about the condition when the question was being asked to your husband, whether you were there or not, so CMIIW.

I assume those kind of people exist everywhere in the world, I can't legitimate my assumption by giving evidence, but all of them are human as they are, with those small percentage of wankers which -unfortunately- become the percentage who gain the higher rank to be a topic of conversation (thus spreading nicely), or even to be in media. Stereotypes are everywhere, even when you see a stewardess talking nicely to a passenger or a hotel staff who is having a conversation with a guest.

I hate those kind of people as much as you do, but I do hope you'll enjoy being here, fuck the wankers, think about the good things!

@Lukereg It must be hard for you not to hang those people on the top of Monas, but since you're already here quite a long time, I think as far as you can say swear about them, you also can handle it.

. thanks Brother.. Thanks all for the positive energy, Time to going to epiwalk, pedicure time. Any girls wanna join?

lukereg wrote:

You are not the only one. My wife has suffered many insults from taxi drivers, people in the street  etc because she is with me. I think the people who do this are clearly uninformed, unintelligent people who can dream of the life you have with your husband and the adventures that it leads to.

'Fuck 'em' often springs to mind when this happens and I know at the end of the day my wife will just return the insults and make the men fee very insecure as well as any one else watching.

Don't despair and remember that when you are on a fantastic vacation with your husband. Think then of the worthless souls that tried and failed to insult you and how much better you are knowing you will keep growing while they will never start.

Hmmm...where did she learn to speak like that Luke? Also appreciate it if you could modify your language in this forum.

When someone calls my wife a whore, I have nothing nice to say. The phrase I used shows the approach I take when faced with this.

If that upsets you well then it upsets you. You won't find me using bad language for any other reason on here.

lukereg wrote:

When someone calls my wife a whore, I have nothing nice to say. The phrase I used shows the approach I take when faced with this.

If that upsets you well then it upsets you. You won't find me using bad language for any other reason on here.

I think it's better to turn the other cheek in such circumstances Luke. Sorry you and your wife have to suffer such awful abuse. Nobody here is calling her names.

I have turned my cheek so many times it is almost inside out. The interesting thing is when we are out with our child people people smile at us but without him then they look closer in a different way.
And like Bella said it is the more affluent people who stare not the less. I live in the middle chaos (Pancoran, South Jakarta) and no one bats an eyelid. We get into an elevator in Grand Indonesia then everyone stares....

lukereg wrote:

I have turned my cheek so many times it is almost inside out. The interesting thing is when we are out with our child people people smile at us but without him then they look closer in a different way.
And like Bella said it is the more affluent people who stare not the less. I live in the middle chaos (Pancoran, South Jakarta) and no one bats an eyelid. We get into an elevator in Grand Indonesia then everyone stares....

Well maybe those people staring are wondering how your wife managed to find such a handsome bule husband. Honestly, you've been in Indonesia long enough so you should not let it get to you.

Bella_Shu wrote:

Following my husband.. And this is not the first country (also not the last). Feel so sad now.. I can't live in here anymore   why people can't accept when a mix Chinese and Dutch married with Arabian?? Happens 3 times, after my husband company me for breakfast, then on his way trough the lobby, another guy asking "how much she charge U for all night companion". Then my husband said "She is my wife", even after that all of them said sorry for a thousand times, that's really hurt You know! What's the f*ck*n wrong with all of this sh*t peoples. I always wearing politely dress, talk as less as possible, respectfull, cover my legs and my body. Also never wearing any make up unless powder and lip balm. Really2 upset.. I thought people wo goin' to 5* hotel is little bit smarter and more respectful. I was wrong, they can't indentifying between hooker with their mini shirt and short pants whom tried to catch guys attention and a woman who politely sat on privilege table and enjoy her breakfast with her different cultures husband.

Oh my, i'm sorry to hear that. i can't believe that guy in the hotel disrespected you. well next time if that happen again you have the right to slap that guy in the face but if you don't want any violence try to know if that guy is an employee in the hotel and call for a supervisor or a hotel manager then report what happened. Don't be sad just be positive my friend, don't let those negative stuffs get in your head and always be patient if sometimes living in Indonesia kinda stress you out, don't worry everything will be ok.

On my first week in Indonesia i do sometimes experienced something like that but day by day i learned how to go with the flow of Indonesian people and they started to respect me. don't worry i know in time you'll get used to it also just like me.

Well at least different man, different way how to handle problem. But still, same feeling when another man trying to tackle ur wife.

I hope that the members in this Forum will calm down and refrain from swearing or making insults. Please try to stick to the original thread. Thanks.

Hi all,

Now we are way off topic aren't we? 

Thanks
Armand
Expat.com Team

Hi Armand, Most posts on the Indonesian forum seem to end up off topic. Is it just us or does this happen everywhere?

Sorry...

I met my wife 5 years ago when I was teaching in Surabaya. We went back to the states for a year, and then to Trinidad for two years before moving back to Indonesia. It is a lot more interesting here in almost every way. I miss the great museums of New York City and "real lobsters" as someone mentioned and that is about it. People are connected to each other here in good ways, deeper ways, than they are in other places, especially the states. More than that the other comments sum up very well the pleasure of living here. And it is a country with a very bright future, a young country with young people who will drive it.

"People are connected to each other here in good ways, deeper ways, than they are in other places, especially the states. More than that the other comments sum up very well the pleasure of living here. And it is a country with a very bright future, a young country with young people who will drive it."

Hear, hear!  Perfectly said!   

Bella_Shu wrote:

Following my husband.. And this is not the first country (also not the last). Feel so sad now.. I can't live in here anymore   why people can't accept when a mix Chinese and Dutch married with Arabian?? Happens 3 times, after my husband company me for breakfast, then on his way trough the lobby, another guy asking "how much she charge U for all night companion". Then my husband said "She is my wife", even after that all of them said sorry for a thousand times,

Your comments say a lot more telling about the people that ask, "how much?", than they question your honour.
Sadly, some people are far too stupid to realise there can be a serious, loving relationship between people of different races.
I suspect the men who ask are less than honourable.

As for what is wrong, easy, these men are idiots.

thamia wrote:

Bella_Shu :

I think you should not ignore what people say to you, is important your husband's love for you is more than enough

I would disagree.
Bella should use a loud voice, tell then she's married but, if they want a prostitute, they should bugger off to the red light area and catch AIDS there.
I'm pretty sure they'd turn bright red and get lost in short order.

I did that one with a taxi driver in KL. He offered me a "massage" with a woman and, upon my refusal, made it clear he was selling sex.
I asked him again in a quiet voice and he finally said, in plain English, a prostitute.
My voice went to loud mode (and that is very loud).
"A prostitute, no thank you, I don't use them".
You should have seen the horror on his face, being busted in a crowded street.

Bella_Shu wrote:

Sorry...

Don't be.
It's a good topic, even if it's off topic.

As long as no one is getting angry with other forum members, I suspect no one will shout too loudly.

Anyway, back to topic; you followed your husband as I followed my lovely lady wife.
I don't know about you but I believe I made the right move when I did so.

rickerw wrote:

I miss the great museums of New York City and "real lobsters" as someone mentioned and that is about it. People are connected to each other here in good ways, deeper ways, than they are in other places, especially the states. More than that the other comments sum up very well the pleasure of living here. And it is a country with a very bright future, a young country with young people who will drive it.

That's about the same for me.
I miss the history that's so easy to see in England but find the beautiful attitude of the Indonesian people to be very pleasant.
Indonesia has it's problems but, as you say, there is a bright new generation out there, and I have high hopes they're correct the errors of old.
My wife's, "too cold" was a really happy start to a new life.

Been offered the same thing by taxi drivers in KL myself...a few times. Also yelled and made a big scene.

mas fred wrote:

Bella_Shu wrote:

Sorry...

Don't be.
It's a good topic, even if it's off topic.

As long as no one is getting angry with other forum members, I suspect no one will shout too loudly.

Anyway, back to topic; you followed your husband as I followed my lovely lady wife.
I don't know about you but I believe I made the right move when I did so.

I didn't make a scene. just pretended I didn't know what he was getting at until he actually said it.
Then I decided to understand and, very loudly, thanked him for the offer but explained I didn't do that.

"Oh, a prostitute", shouted I, "No thanks, I don't use them".

That was at the taxi stand at the McD end of Jalan Petaling, so nice and public, and all his mates were pissing themselves laughing at him being pwned.

That reminds me.
An Irish schoolteacher, I'm informed, holds the record for the loudest shout at 121db.
I think I can beat that.

Yes those taxi drivers are really annoying. There are the Indian gangster taxi drivers outside KLCC and the Chinese gangsters drivers in Bukit Bintang and Chinatown. The standard of taxis is so much lower than in Indonesia. Actually I can't wait to move to Bandung.

mas fred wrote:

I didn't make a scene. just pretended I didn't know what he was getting at until he actually said it.
Then I decided to understand and, very loudly, thanked him for the offer but explained I didn't do that.

"Oh, a prostitute", shouted I, "No thanks, I don't use them".

That was at the taxi stand at the McD end of Jalan Petaling, so nice and public, and all his mates were pissing themselves laughing at him being pwned.

That reminds me.
An Irish schoolteacher, I'm informed, holds the record for the loudest shout at 121db.
I think I can beat that.

mas fred wrote:

Bella_Shu wrote:

Following my husband.. And this is not the first country (also not the last). Feel so sad now.. I can't live in here anymore   why people can't accept when a mix Chinese and Dutch married with Arabian?? Happens 3 times, after my husband company me for breakfast, then on his way trough the lobby, another guy asking "how much she charge U for all night companion". Then my husband said "She is my wife", even after that all of them said sorry for a thousand times,

Your comments say a lot more telling about the people that ask, "how much?", than they question your honour.
Sadly, some people are far too stupid to realise there can be a serious, loving relationship between people of different races.
I suspect the men who ask are less than honourable.

As for what is wrong, easy, these men are idiots.

Yes brother... Noted!