What should I do

Hi Rainman,

Well first of all before you even think about running back to Oz you've got to understand that NOTHING is going to be the same as when you left, so your homesickness might be for something that no longer exists.

Read the following and then taking into consideration your present situation with your Italian girlfriend, your work situation and all that sort of thing and add to that the real potential for Reverse Culture Shock then you can make a more informed decision.

Hi All,

The following is a posting of mine on the Brazil Forum about Reverse Culture Shock, you might find it quite helpful.

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So, you've been living and working here in Brazil and now it's time to go back home.  Be prepared to experience Reverse Culture Shock and know how to deal with it. Maybe you've only been here for a few months or perhaps you've been here for years, chances are that you will experience Reverse Culture Shock to some degree. Obviously, that all depends on how long you have been here and your adaptation to the Brazilian culture.

To understand Reverse Culture Shock you must understand that it is very real and that in most ways exactly the same as the Culture Shock you experienced when you arrived here. Culture Shock has four phases and three possible outcomes, which I will briefly describe here.

Honeymoon phase – This sets in the moment you arrive, everything is new, different, exciting and beautiful. This phase lasts for the first few months, but like all honeymoons it will eventually come to an end.

Negotiation phase – Usually anywhere from third to sixth month following arrival. This phase is typified by trying to make the mental negotiation between aspects of your old home and culture to your new home and culture.

Adjustment phase – Usually anywhere from six months to one year, this is where you actually have accepted your new culture and start making the adaptations to harmonize it completely with your old culture, traditions and habits.

Mastery phase – This is the phase where you have successfully adapted to your new home and you are integrated into the culture and society, you see yourself and interact with those around you as though you were one of ‘them'.

The three possible outcomes of the adaptation we know as Culture Shock are as follows:

Rejection – This happens when one is completely incapable of accepting and rejects the culture, traditions, ideas, etc., of the host country. These are the ones for whom going back home is the only answer and they usually do so quite quickly. Oddly enough, these ‘Rejectors' are the very same individuals who tend to experience Reverse Culture Shock to a greater degree following repatriation. Nobody can really determine why this is the case.

Adoption – This happens when one adopts all or most of the aspects of their host country's culture and incorporates them into his/her daily life, almost losing all trace of their ‘former' self. These ‘Adopters' generally end up staying in the host country for the rest of their lives.

Blending – This occurs when one accepts most of the aspects of their host country's culture and blends them with aspects of their ‘home' country culture. They become truly cosmopolitan.


Repatriation and Reverse Culture Shock

You will experience all or most of the same phases with Reverse Culture Shock that you went through with Culture Shock upon arrival. It may set in the moment you set foot on home soil or it may strike shortly afterward. You will feel like a ‘foreigner' in your own country – a fish out of water. In order to successfully repatriate and re-integrate into your ‘home' culture you need to understand six things.

You're Different – You are NOT the same person you were before you left home. Your experience has changed you and for that reason you may not be able to simply accept certain aspects of your home culture anymore. Your friends may not be able to accept the changes in you or they've changed in different directions too, so don't just assume you will go right back to the way things were before.

Your ‘Home' Country has Changed - Time moves on and everything changes. No matter how short a period of time you have been away it will never be exactly the same as when you left. Don't expect that or you will be in for a very big letdown. People you know have married, moved away, businesses have changed hands or ceased to exist, familiar locations have been changed to a point where you hardly recognize them anymore. That is usual.

Most People Don't Care About Your Experiences – That's very true in most cases, so save your story telling for your closest friends and don't make every conversation about your travels. Otherwise, your family and friends will become bored quite quickly and begin to avoid you. Don't ‘turn off' your conversations about your experiences completely, just find a suitable balance.

Re-Connect With People and Make New Friends – While it is very important to re-connect with family and old friends, it is equally important to establish new friendships upon repatriation. This keeps the experience ‘new' it helps you not to fall into a boring routine. You will find out shortly after your return home that some old friends have fallen by the wayside, so you need to replace them with new friendships.

Sensory Overload – Be prepared for the barrage of ads, commercials, sounds and sights once you get home. Perhaps you were living in a small town where it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop and you are returning to the hustle and bustle of a big city, or vice versa.

It's Okay to be Confused – You don't have to feel bad about nor do you need to hide your confused feelings for being back home. They are completely natural. You may find that you even dislike certain aspects of your home culture that you were completely comfortable with before or never noticed before. You do not need to feel like a ‘traitor' because you no longer see home as being PERFECT.

Cheers,
William James Woodward – Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

Good info woodward,  thanks.

I wouldn't leave without my girlfriend.  We are the same in many ways but different in a few and one of those differences is I like to move around a lot and she likes to stay in one place for a long time (I think forever without moving).  This was something that I did ask her about before moving to Italy eg the possibiliy of in the future moving back to Australia or maybe the UK as I knew she loved it in London,  and she seemed ok with the idea of doing it but now she doesn't seem receptive to the idea at all.  I feel stuck in this little village (with all the neccessaties of Italian life (Church, bar/cafe and cemetary).

I have a British passport but sometimes I fantisize that the polizia will come and get me a say I'm not allowed to stay in Italy anymore and kick me out (maybe ban me from coming back for 3 years)  then everything would be ok   Nothing against Italy though (well a few things but I have a few things against Australia too so it's only natural),  I just miss home.

Ohh,  and the thing that I think set of my home sickness was when I was watching TV and there was someone talking about how their sister just moved to Australia to work and then the next day one of my girlfriends friends moved to Australia to work and everyone is always so surprised that I moved from Australia to Italy.  I started thinking that maybe I have made a big mistake

Rainman.

Stay where you are. You have family and friends there. This is just a homesickness phase you are going through. You will get over it.
Jobs in Australia are hard to come by, taxes are high as is cost of living.

Although I am now very happy living in sardinia, I lived in oz for 5 years and frequently got homesick for England,mates ,family,beer etc eventually it got the better of me, I gave up my very well paid job in Queensland and returned to find life had continued on without me,friends moved on family happy to see us, but after a few weeks very occasional visits, work was hard to find etc etc. In short I wanted to go back after a few weeks.
Unlike the last post I would suggest you go back ALONE for a month because after all if your girlfriend will not go with you it,s the only choice you have and maybe you need to miss her like you miss home.Go try it get it out of your system otherwise you will never be content and eventually you will blame your girlfriend (if you don't already) I am sure after a month you will be rushing back to Italy looking forward to the life you have. Good luck

Australia is very expensive to live and that is the one big reason I left and the big reason that I don't go back.  But I have never had a problem getting a job in Australia,  it's just really hard to save money there.  I don't see much opportunity in Italy and when I have worked it is for a fraction of what I would get in Australia (I know things are a lot cheaper in taly but it is still very little). Italy has 12% unemployment and people here just shrug their shoulders,  Australia has 5.5% and are outraged and shaking their fists in the air if it gets any higher...  just different mentalities I guess.