Vietnamese wife?

Your last post doesn't contain a single counter argument or point of view.

The topics I responded are the ones where I recognized most of the BS being said. Advice I give is valid and realistic,comes from years of experience being in SE Asia, I just don't sugarcoat it.   When I commented a photo of a member (who is basically looking for an advice on how to bed a much younger girl in Vietnam and not get into a trouble with authorities) it was in connection with a post of another member who listed 4 reasons of why someone might not be allowed into hotel with a girl due to the fears of pay for play.That james seemed surprised why she can't go to hotel with him and those are the reasons, I didn't even list them first. I have friends both older and younger and a younger mixed couples have much less problems staying at hotels or resorts with their gfs than when a guy is much older. You can't fool Vietnamese (you can bribe some of them though),they know what the game is.

Pretend that you are poor enough, your income just enough for your own life. I am sure, there is no young girl around you anymore.
Love is love, from heart to heart, not from heard to heard.

Rosyvn wrote:

Love is love, from heart to heart, not from heard to heard.

heard to heard?

Pretend that you are poor enough, your income just enough for your own life. I am sure, there is no young girl around you anymore.

Exactly! Better said in one sentence than I did it in 100,I have to admit it.

Tito12 wrote:

Your last post doesn't contain a single counter argument or point of view.

The topics I responded are the ones where I recognized most of the BS being said. Advice I give is valid and realistic,comes from years of experience being in SE Asia, I just don't sugarcoat it.   When I commented a photo of a member (who is basically looking for an advice on how to bed a much younger girl in Vietnam and not get into a trouble with authorities) it was in connection with a post of another member who listed 4 reasons of why someone might not be allowed into hotel with a girl due to the fears of pay for play.That james seemed surprised why she can't go to hotel with him and those are the reasons, I didn't even list them first. I have friends both older and younger and a younger mixed couples have much less problems staying at hotels or resorts with their gfs than when a guy is much older. You can't fool Vietnamese (you can bribe some of them though),they know what the game is.

Yes you would just love to argue adinfinitum about "your realistic advice" and not the real conundrum here which is your psyche or lack there of. And you never answered ANY of the  assertions levied against you. Why? Because you have no rebuttal except more of your one-sided narrow minded presuppositions.

Solo1 wrote:

And you never answered ANY of the  assertions levied against you. Why? . You have some unresolved issues with this quandary yea??? Are you jealous, hypercritical, a closet punter, have a small dick, impotent, mommy issues or just enjoy bullying and trolling on this forum?

no unresolved issues, jealousy is the last thing I would be because if you have it anyone can have it(gf in SE Asia that is). Critical:I guess I am,once I get older I might be less and go your route,who knows but hopefully not. No closet punter,maybe I'll be in 20+ years if my relationships turns out bad. No small dick,far from impotent (that comes with your age),no mommy issues,no trolling. I have been in SE Asia for over 15+ years,basically grew up in SE Asia.

It'd be interesting to know your reasoning too,why a 40 years younger girl is the only one you can bond with and not some older and what does she see in you? Maybe I (and entire non-third world) got it all wrong about what love and relationships usually are all about, it is possible.

This topic has certainly evolved a lot since the original post.

@Tito12 - When you say SE Asia, where exactly are you talking about? Vietnam only or combination of countries?

VungTauDon,mostly Vietnam but also Thailand and a little Philippines.

Vietnam was actually a lot less like this even a decade ago,now it's slowly going Thailand and Philippines route. I remember mostly seeing weird local couples and was told that the girls are gold diggers,it was a new concept for me to see. Western couples like this were much more rare to be seen in Vietnam. Ironically, I am seeing less and less Vietnamese couples like this nowadays, it seems that dating is "normalizing/westernizing" among locals but mixed coupling is getting creepier (vast majority of expats seems to be interested in women ages 18-35 no matter if they alone are 35 or 55 or 85. Lots of GFEs everywhere,p4p and so on) every year. I don't like that Vietnamese government is restrictive and I am usually for legalization of prostitution but if this keeps the horde of sexpats and creeps out it's kinda worth it.I live here (but go abroad a lot ) so the last thing I would wish for Vietnam is to turn into another Thailand or Philippines kind of destination(I haven't been to Philippines in years so maybe it's changed ) although it is going that route slowly but surely.

Rosyvn wrote:

Pretend that you are poor enough, your income just enough for your own life. I am sure, there is no young girl around you anymore.
Love is love, from heart to heart, not from heard to heard.

I like to complete your sentence with "EVERYWHERE".
We see this in Hollywood everyday, even Windsor Castle.
Beautiful girls marry rich man.
Smarter girls marry billionaires!

hELLnoi wrote:

Rosyvn wrote:

Pretend that you are poor enough, your income just enough for your own life. I am sure, there is no young girl around you anymore.
Love is love, from heart to heart, not from heard to heard.

I like to complete your sentence with "EVERYWHERE".
We see this in Hollywood everyday, even Windsor Castle.
Beautiful girls marry rich man.
Smarter girls marry billionaires!

true,gold diggers are everywhere but many here would like you to believe it is not so. In west you needs millions (billions if age gap is too high), in SE Asia a western pension will do in many cases. I don't think the west has much respect for various Hefner's toys or Anna Nicole Smiths anyway.

I think it is safe to assume though that there are waaaaaay more western girls willing to date poor or even broke guys than in the SE Asia. In all my years here I think I only met few westerners who were living on their Vietnamese wives income (and surprise surprise all of them were only few year older than them).

I've lived here nearly 5 years and married 3 of those. The problem as I see it is not the creepy old guys coming here to pick up the younger girls, its the young girls who have made it almost a profession to meet and try to marry the foreign expat workers who come to Vietnam to work, not pick up girls. There have always been the "sexpats" who come to SEA for a good time but mostly I see guys come here on business and end up getting married. Hell, it happened to me. I came here to work but met(not in a bar) and fell in love with my wife. I'm 47 and she is 30.

VungTauDon wrote:

I've lived here nearly 5 years and married 3 of those. The problem as I see it is not the creepy old guys coming here to pick up the younger girls, its the young girls who have made it almost a profession to meet and try to marry the foreign expat workers who come to Vietnam to work, not pick up girls.

I agree with you on this and during the years I have changed the opinion on who exactly is causing what.In other words it takes two to tango so I didn't only talk about expats in my posts. Girls are getting more and more aggressive with Vietnam opening up and the influx of western men getting larger every year. I'm not going to comment on your situation except that the age gap is probably not too high (far from creepier 30 or 40 years) in SE Asia although quite rare in the west. It does confirm the sad fact that Vietnamese middle aged women are completely undesirable in SE Asia though,even for the same western men who would date them if they were in west..

Tito12 wrote:

hELLnoi wrote:

Rosyvn wrote:

Pretend that you are poor enough, your income just enough for your own life. I am sure, there is no young girl around you anymore.
Love is love, from heart to heart, not from heard to heard.

I like to complete your sentence with "EVERYWHERE".
We see this in Hollywood everyday, even Windsor Castle.
Beautiful girls marry rich man.
Smarter girls marry billionaires!

true,gold diggers are everywhere but many here would like you to believe it is not so. In west you needs millions (billions if age gap is too high), in SE Asia a western pension will do in many cases. I don't think the west has much respect for various Hefner's toys or Anna Nicole Smiths anyway.

I think it is safe to assume though that there are waaaaaay more western girls willing to date poor or even broke guys than in the SE Asia. In all my years here I think I only met few westerners who were living on their Vietnamese wives income (and surprise surprise all of them were only few year older than them).

You like to ASSUME and tend to do that a lot.
If it is a way of life, its their way of life. They have learnt that there is a shorter cut to easy life.
Perhaps you didn't notice the motocyles parked outside instead of motorcars like in the first world countries.
I am also wondering why are there many expats working here teaching English? I ASSUME there are no jobs back home.
Worse to be in a place where the society values are no where to your expectations. I can imagine your disgust everytime you meet a "female" being between 18-40 years old.
One of the greatest lessons we learn in travelling is to get real close to peoples lives.

I don't agree with you about the middle aged women being undesirable just because of their age. I think it has to do with their attitudes about everything because of their age. A 40 year old woman had a totally different mindset when she was 20 than a 20 year old today has and even more so if that woman is 50 now. You just don't normally see the older women out trying to meet guys like the younger women do.
I met my wife while we were eating at a cafe. She happened to work in the same field as I do so we hit it off pretty well. If she had been the same age as me it would have worked out the same way.

VungTauDon wrote:

I don't agree with you about the middle aged women being undesirable just because of their age. I think it has to do with their attitudes about everything because of their age. A 40 year old woman had a totally different mindset when she was 20 than a 20 year old today has and even more so if that woman is 50 now. You just don't normally see the older women out trying to meet guys like the younger women do.

VungTauDon wrote:

If she had been the same age as me it would have worked out the same way.

Sorry I just don't believe that's the real reason(not that you should care of course),that's the most usual and stereotypical excuse we get here by men with much younger females. I have hard time imagining that you do not know any middle aged Vietnamese females,divorces or widows that would be willing to date you and I don't think they are even half as uninteresting, unfunny or whatever is not appealing to you about their mentality as they seems to be portrayed here. Somehow in the west vast majority of middle aged men think middle aged women and their attitudes are just fine. Funny how some men (not you) here will defend the maturity of the young girl to not look too creepy but somehow once a woman gets in 40ties no one is interested in this maturity anymore.

I also do not believe for a moment (not that you should care, again) that if she was your age you would be interested,not when younger are so easily available.  Let's be real here, 95%+ middle aged expat men somehow end up with girls decades younger and we are to believe it is purely by coincidence or just because middle aged women in Vietnam are so unappealing mentally.  Another funny coincidence(so many coincidences isn't it?) is that uglier,fatter or other kind of young girls are also undesirable,no matter how much youthful and cool personalities they have. For some weird coincidence(again) the only females middle aged and older western men can apparently bond mentally in SE Asia(because it is all about the attitude,right?) are petite much younger girls.

It seems that ancientpathos is the most realistic and honest guy here,kinda hard to believe it.

I do know a lot of 40+ year old women here and I know I would have had no problems getting one of them to date me( before getting married). My situation may be a little different as I was what we call a commuting expat (worked 4 weeks in Vietnam and returned home to US for 4 weeks) and at the time had no desire to live here much less get married.

Ok so you and the rest of the non third world countries male population try this: Tell your significant other that you have lost your earning potential. From now on you will be living in basically poverty conditions. You and her will be living in a 30 sq meter room with no a/c and no modern conveniences what so ever. No car, no eating out and everything that you are use to is gone etc. etc. etc. How long will she stay with you?? Now come on please be honest! It called walking a mile in the shoes of those you degrade and put down with your holier than thou assertions. Oh yes there may be a few that can say that they have found true love. However can you step outside of your own obnoxiousness for a moment? The VAST majority of those "true love" partnerships would not last a fcuking week!!! So what you are saying is that she is lower than a street prostitute and lower than a bar whore charging because she can. And your sweet little daughters who would be so bold as to better their lifestyle from poverty would again be nothing more than a slut. Congratulations on your well informed opinions of others alternate lifestyles no matter what the premise may be.

Any particular person this is addressed to?

Hi guys Im a Vietnamese woman, young, good looking, love money, marryyyy meeeeeeee! ))))) just kidding

So hot topic here, but Google translation is so bad to understand  @.@ Seemed there is only a half of world here? The another half wants to say something, even maybe Im just a small pupil in school of life. Forgive me if my English is so bad (actually Google Translation's haha)

I love money, everyone loves money, whoever you are men/women/Asian/Western. If not, I think he/she should have something wrong with head; or nearly dead . Ok, Vietnam is poor, big rich-poor gap, girls want to have a good husband, good in characteristic, in money, true love…. A man with enough or big wallet is more attractive. I think that's good demand, to ensure for her life, at least to live enough before thinking about so many other things in family life, because in Vietnam (or maybe some other Asia countries), woman's life depends on her husband so much. The view of society to a woman that divorced is still old, it's difficult for her to have a new chance, so she always tries to keep their family by all effort. That's why Westerners who are known as the rich are more attractive here.

But priority of women about love, money are different, belong to her dependence in finance, her knowledge. In country side, they think money's priority is bigger, therefore many people agree to marry a strange foreigner with hope their life will be bright But nowadays Vietnamese women are more and more modern, they love themselves, understand money only cannot ensure for their happy life. Westerners are just men like other Vietnamese men, some are good, some are bad, and culture distance is a big problem.

Ok even I love money, you are a rich man from Western, let me see, young enough? tall enough? Healthy enough? Big and long enough haha? Kind enough? Love me enough?... Even I have no husband forever, not easy to say agree .

This is not just only my thinking, many of my friends also, and maybe many other Vietnamese women also

Sincerely a lot of stories...all superb...and so hurtful...
I did not look for a younger woman...but she found me in a Tailor shop of where she worked.
We fell in love from the distance and became friends...lovers and then we married. I love her dearly and she now lives with me in the USA...we though will visit the family in January of next year.
Blessings to all the negativity

Vuangtaudon,
   Boy bud what happened to our wonderful conversation! This started out as a very informative thread. My my how some are so pious. I know you don't take the bashing to heart, your to nice and intelligent to dive into that sink hole. I had not been back to read any of this thread until today. It was very nice when it spoke to the question.
   You know when I started it I was concerned about this ATM thinking coming from expats. You explained this very well. Indeed, with my girlfriend this subject of support of family came up. I like you was more than happy to be a part of the family and help out. The reason I bring this up is I tried to bring up the conversation of setting up a retirement fund for her once I pass. She just could not get her arms around why we would do that. I think she just knows intuitively that her kids will help her in her older years just as we are helping her mum in her older years. I will give $300 a month to mum. I don't need to tell you how much I would have had to invest for her future retirement years. Far far more than $300 a month. So we are happy and content now that no one will be sleeping under a bridge in their old age. As always bud..take care. What a wonderful wife and marriage you have.

Solo1 wrote:

Ok so you and the rest of the non third world countries male population try this: Tell your significant other that you have lost your earning potential. From now on you will be living in basically poverty conditions. You and her will be living in a 30 sq meter room with no a/c and no modern conveniences what so ever. No car, no eating out and everything that you are use to is gone etc. etc. etc. How long will she stay with you?? Now come on please be honest!

When my wife was young, she lived in a house with dirt floors and a leaky roof. While trying to complete my degree, I went half a year without stable housing. I would sleep in my car, friend's couches/floors, or on the bench outside the restaurant where I worked (it made it easy to get to work on time in the morning ). This was before we were married.

Now I am a degreed engineer and my wife is a doctor, so we make much more money than we used to before we were married, but we know the consequences of not having money. When we got married we took a vow for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. There is no doubt in my mind that my wife would prefer poverty with me over a life of riches without me; I would make the same sacrifice for her without hesitation. If I even had a suspicion that my wife would leave me if my earning potential dropped, I would not have even considered marrying her. I don't know very many couples that would answer any differently.

Bravo Jakejas. Some here think only from a very myopic materialistic stance. How many times do we hear that money buys happiness. Yet we see the uber rich committing suicide. Maslows Hierarchy is as valid today as it ever was. Sure, few will turn down money to live a life of poverty. But we can and do love w/o that thought being the overriding thought. I'm happy to hear your in love with your bride and she with you. Obviously you must be the same age, because we know that is a no no. Me I searched for a younger bride because I wanted to have a child. If it were safe for an older women to have a child I would have looked at older ladies. I think in the end these are personal choices that thank goodness some allow us to make.

bta87 wrote:

How many times do we hear that money buys happiness. Yet we see the uber rich committing suicide...

Obviously you must be the same age, because we know that is a no no.

Excellent point. Sometimes money just buys more problems.

She is four years older than me (which I don't let her forget ), but thanks to my early male-pattern-baldness it isn't easy to tell.

Hope they don't pass that law that solo1 is trying to get the Vietnam government to pass. He advocates age parity above all else or we get jailed.

Jakejas you and your wife are to be congratulated.

bta87 wrote:

Hope they don't pass that law that solo1 is trying to get the Vietnam government to pass. He advocates age parity above all else or we get jailed.

What law is that?

oops I think you are within the age group solo1 approves of. You get a stay our of jail free card.
Solo1  has an age discrimination bent to his character. He has a keen eye out for those who don't meet his muster. I guess a 4 year spread is O.K. Hey it is a learning process for us all. But he will get us all educated.

bta87,I think your old age dementia is showing (maybe that is one of the attributes that young Vietnamese girls are looking for in "mature and experienced men in their 60ties"?), I don't think solo1 is the guy you are looking for I even like it how you agreed with someone who supported my view because you thought solo1 is the guy you are against...

Few men in 60ties "dating" girls in 20ties here are trying hard to make it look like I believe every age gap is creepy,which couldn't be further from the truth. It is a classic example of the "straw man" fallacy when you blow up/distort or misrepresent opponents arguments and then attack those new arguments instead of what opponents really advocates. You can try to caricature/distort my point but I am not the one taking advantage of the cultural differences and poverty/greed (for example by bribing girls mother with $300/month) to get that little young pootang before my time runs out I can even go one step further and even say that it is me who is much more respectful to Vietnamese people and culture by not trying to take advantage of it.(Similar example would be living in some Muslim country and not treating women according to their traditions. Some men here would want me to believe that one should not only do as locals do but also go the extreme way just because the culture and women allow it).

My bad. Sorry Solo1. The old age is taking a toll. No need to respond to the peanut gallery. Maybe he will go peddle his pots and pans on another one of the threads.

I've lived poor before and probably still am. Went to University living on $5 meals a day and some days I would literall have no money and had to wait until my loan came in. I don't have any expensive ticket items. I drive a $500 car in the winter and my scooter when I can. I don't watch television. I shop for groceries every other 2 weeks. Never bought clothes all given to me. People would think I'm poor. My luxury comes in living in Vietnam with the good food and someone I can love. Never have to worry about the -40 degree celsius cold or cutting grass.

I have a very stable job that I could be working until I reach retirement age making 6 figures a year. But I'll be quitting this to be with my future wife. She's very supportive of my decision. I'll be relying on my passive income to build equity for our future. So not much cash flow coming in but she has no problems supporting us on her 5 mil - 6 mil monthly income. And any extra she'll give to her mom.

I never send her money because she won't use it. Her mom needs $1000 to help with her grandfather's burial site but she won't allow me to help her with the money. I told her whenever she needs the money I have it ready for her.

As for age we're the same age, 36. Sure I would have liked a younger wife because I always dream of having a big family but she seemed too perfect for me. We both are simple in everything from lifestyle to thinking.

jakejas wrote:

Solo1 wrote:

Ok so you and the rest of the non third world countries male population try this: Tell your significant other that you have lost your earning potential. From now on you will be living in basically poverty conditions. You and her will be living in a 30 sq meter room with no a/c and no modern conveniences what so ever. No car, no eating out and everything that you are use to is gone etc. etc. etc. How long will she stay with you?? Now come on please be honest!

When my wife was young, she lived in a house with dirt floors and a leaky roof. While trying to complete my degree, I went half a year without stable housing. I would sleep in my car, friend's couches/floors, or on the bench outside the restaurant where I worked (it made it easy to get to work on time in the morning ). This was before we were married.

Now I am a degreed engineer and my wife is a doctor, so we make much more money than we used to before we were married, but we know the consequences of not having money. When we got married we took a vow for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. There is no doubt in my mind that my wife would prefer poverty with me over a life of riches without me; I would make the same sacrifice for her without hesitation. If I even had a suspicion that my wife would leave me if my earning potential dropped, I would not have even considered marrying her. I don't know very many couples that would answer any differently.

bta87 wrote:

My bad. Sorry Solo1. The old age is taking a toll. No need to respond to the peanut gallery. Maybe he will go peddle his pots and pans on another one of the threads.

No worries mate. He probably has been exiled from other forums and that's why he showed up here a few weeks ago. Either that or he's being paid by each word he writes. What a bunch of babble.

One could not be so fortunate. The same babble is in all the topics he joins in on. I can appreciate that he has these feelings and everyone has the privilege to speak I suppose.
But my word. I sure hope he likes Ford products or I've really screwed up!

just reading through this thead,I think I am about to get the violin,whats wrong with just living your lives, and being happy, instead of whinging and bitching at each other and passing judgement on where others find happiness.If your an old fart and loose lots of money, thats your choice and no one elses bisss

Amen, Mark

bta87 wrote:

Amen, Mark

and you really believe this is the end of it?

Not for a minute. He's spreading the word on another thread perhaps. Yet there is hope,no?

bta87 wrote:

Not for a minute. He's spreading the word on another thread perhaps. Yet there is hope,no?

Lets join hands and hope he stays in the other thread for a long long long time.
Ok we are
Get ready to be wooooooooooshed off by the white coats.

Hopefully we can get back on topic. I started this thread ages ago and it was very insightful for me.
I learned what I needed to know I think. I kind of thought it would be a popular subject. At the time I had heard so much about the ATM subject and really did not understand the fact that so much of it lies within the confucius upbringing. Frankly I like the idea of family taking care of family. Myself I've
had a great experience with a VNese gal. So I can't complain. As with everything you have to do your due diligence I suspect. In fact I met my GF via this thread and she saw the conversation and PM'd me. Enjoyed visiting with you all.