Vietnamese wife?

You got that right dude. I know a guy tonight that wishes he would never have F****d with them. Pm me your e-mail and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow with attachments...

I lived in Thailand for 4 years and had many relationships as did my Expat friends. I also have frequented about 25 countries around the world. I found the Thai women to be the most experienced and proficient at absconding money from men.

Now I have been living in Vietnam for 6 months and have a VN girlfriend for about 4 months. I am 62 and she is 24. Older men and younger women both pay "price" for being together. The man's sacrifice happens to be money. The girl gives up the respect of some of her friends and her families neighbors. She also is limited to her activities with her older man in public verses a lover of her own age. I won't belabor the subject as different girls have different attitudes concerning their relationship. Her benefits vary but include a higher standard of living, education, security, peace of mind, a much better future etc.

So what can an older man offer? Experience, wisdom and MONEY. Yes, it is a fact that he must contribute to her financial status or else why would she be with him?  If she wanted to not have all the above mentioned attributes then she would simply find a young VN boyfriend and live on a very meager income with no luxuries at all. How much he gives should be agreed upon from the beginning. There will still be misunderstandings because Expats are considered wealthy no matter what they say or do. Compared to Asian incomes Expats are wealthy and she and her family will automatically ask for more. If you give more they will still ask for more. That's human nature isn't it? So it is up to the man to set the limit and stick to it. Start slow and give more ONLY when you are sure she is serious about you.

American women are no better. Little girls are taught to find a "successful" husband or at least one with great potential. Doctors, lawyers and businessmen are at a premium. So why do we look down on Asian women who want the same????

I had to google atheism. If it's the rejection of deities it sounds about right. I think Vietnamese believe more in their ancestors but if you asked most Vietnamese what their belief is they would reply Buddhism. Most households is adorned with symbolic meanings of Buddhism.

Ask them what is Buddhism I'd guarantee you'd get a blank stare or that if you do good deeds (karma) you'd get re-born into a good life or go to heaven.

How many would tell you that depending how many karma you accumulated and bad deeds you done in this current life that you'd be re-born into one of many beings such as hungry ghost, human, animal or heaven.

Than ask them what nirvana is. And how many Vietnamese don't eat meat?

Anatta wrote:

VungTauDon wrote:

The vast majority of people in Saigon and Vietnam as a whole are Buddhist. There are a lot of Catholics here also but they are very much in the minority.

VungTauDon
I am not quite sure about that.

Here is what Wiki said

According to some sources, the dominate religion in Vietnam is Buddhism which accounts for more than 85% of the population. The second largest religion is Christianity, which makes 8% of the population:[7][8][9][10][11]
Buddhism, 85%[12][13]
Secular/triple religion, 80%
Hoa Hao, 3%
Theravada Buddhism, 2%
Christianity, 8%
Roman Catholic, 7%
Protestant, 1%
Cao Dai, 3%
Other religions, 4%

In contradictory, some other sources such as the CIA World Factbook state that more than 80% of the people claim to be atheists. Buddhists and Christians account more than two third of the remaining 20%. In this account, Vietnam is one of the most atheist countries in the world:[14]
Atheism, 80.8%[15]
Buddhism, 9.3%
Christianity, 7.2%
Roman Catholic, 6.7%
Protestant, 0.5%
Hoa Hao, 1.5%
Cao Dai, 1.1%
And other religions


There are many reasons for this discrepancy.
1. The current regime has not encouraged religions, so people either has not practiced it actively or are not willing to declare their religion.
2. Many Vietnamese consider themselves followers of đạo lương which can either interpreted as atheism or a mixture of Buddhism, Confuism and ethical lifestyle. Those people tend to go Buddhist temples on important holidays and pray to the ancestors at home.

Christians tend to congregate in certain areas, like Bui Chau, Phat Diem in the North and Ho Nai (and certain areas in Saigon) in the South.
Among the Vietnamese community abroad, Christians tend to dominate because their tendency to oppose communism (like in Poland).

You could also argue the Buddhism isn't even a religion and that by default Christianity is the largest religion in Vietnam

aren't we?

I don't think so, this came up earlier in the thread. If you are talking about marriage in Vietnam then religion can be an important factor

I know some ppl who aren't allowed to marry other ppl coz of their religion. A friend had said he'd never marry another Christian, because of all the prayers and stuff he had to go thru during their ceremony.

thank you for the update, very insightful

Very sorry Ken,I have jumped on to my high horse and missunderstood, no i wouldn;t think it normal and especially being that they are married, In my world she should have made sure of his suitability for her way befor the yes day

Hi Khanh, do Budhists go to heaven, or is it (nirvava) just the end of suffering life death and rebirth before achieving enlightenment, the end.?

IMHO the only way to go to Heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour.

Ohhh...  Now we are getting to my-God-is-better-than-your-God, hey?  I thought in coming all the way out here, you would leave such childish tendencies behind?

What are you going to get at next, my-daddy-is-bigger-than-your-daddy???

I thought there was a stairway to heaven,,,you see there's this lady I know....

Well...  If a person has to think that someone is after his or her money, then that person is not rich.  At the same time, if someone has to put up with another in the name of money, then that person only knows money, and nothing else; not love, not respect and, most important of all, not living.  There is an absolute value to that type of individuals, and it is a low one...

Heaven to what I know of is just symbolic of good and hell is bad. Simple as that. Not a place where you can enjoy 100 virgins or get along with all the nice people. Just a staging area for your next re-birth.

And you gain enlightenment so that you can achieve nirvana. I'm not into any religion. I've been to both Christian church's and Buddhist temples. What I like about this enlightenment is the psychological knowledge of knowing how to lessen the suffering. Like if you don't possess anything you won't suffer.

My only response is that if you are right and I am wrong then we will both end up in the same place. HOWEVER if I am right and you are wrong then you are in big big trouble. Just saying!

Being in Vietnam for few months I have learned, when a Vietnamese woman ask "What's your job?" as the first question meeting you. Time to disappeared.

NashCat wrote:

Being in Vietnam for few months I have learned, when a Vietnamese woman ask "What's your job?" as the first question meeting you. Time to disappeared.

Not only in VN but also practically everywhere I've been. The other two questions are "Where do you live" and "What kind of car do you drive".

Wild_1 wrote:

Ohhh...  Now we are getting to my-God-is-better-than-your-God, hey?

Isn't arguing over which god is better kinda like saying my imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend?

laidbackfreak wrote:

Wild_1 wrote:

Ohhh...  Now we are getting to my-God-is-better-than-your-God, hey?

Isn't arguing over which god is better kinda like saying my imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend?

Way off topic.....  But let's not forget about Odin or the powerful Oz....

bta87 wrote:

Than,
  I agree with you. But this girl say no sex after marriage,not until she decides if I would be a good father to her child. In the U.S. we decide these things before marriage. This ladies position is we marry, do nothing, if she does not think I will be a good father we get a divorce. It sounds real crazy to me.

Do not walk away!!! Run Forest Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi all it was not my intention to stir the pot, only to offer support to the dude who is missing out in his married life as far as the religion bit is concerned i am a christian but i have never believed in forcing my beliefs down other peoples throats if the want to be happy let them be , when they hunger for somthing more they will ask. no more on this blog from me, yeh

mmmm??

hi guys , it was not my intention to stir the pot , only to help the dude who is missing out in married life, I am a christian but have never believed in forcing my belief on another what ever makes them happy, when they are hungry they will ask for more. This is the last on this go no where subject, cheers everyone. Mark

The question of "What do you do?" is not only for foreigners. We, Viet males or females, ask and are asked such in the first meeting...

It reveals more things rather than whether he is rich or not. Through his career, we can understand his education background and personalities.

To me, that question is simply to get to know more about the person that I am talking to.

I agree, especially if you know that person is from another country. I ask the same questions of expats I meet. Where are you from? What kind of work do you do?

It can lead to misunderstandings though.  When I first met my ex-wife, who was Japanese, she asked what I did.  I replied "I'm in the securities business".  She went home and looked it up in her dictionary and for a few months thought I was a security guard.  But she couldn't understand why I woke up in the morning and dressed in a suit and tie before going out to work.  Eventually she asked a friend, who explained:  "securities business is not a guard; he's an investment banker!"  Nice that she liked me in spite of whatever I "did"...

hahaha nice story, Richiv.

never heard so much cr..p in my life

That's not very nice........

rdalu wrote:

whether its in VN or elsewhere no woman will fall in love with a guy over 40. Its only for your wallet.

Wrong, Wrong, WRONG!!

I'm almost 51. Was over 40 when I met my wife. I can guarantee you there's not another woman on earth who would ever love me more than her.

If you're a good man, and you meet a good girl, and are compatible and want to be together, she'll love you no matter what - especially no matter what age.

well said saigon monkey...this rdalu chap  must have had some bad times and and i would say deserves them

Didn't want to resurrect this thread but scanning through it I found the the most intelligent question and answer were completely ignored by "traditional Vietnamese females" and the expats dating (and financially caring for) them....and it is not hard to guess why.I thought sweet_summer deserved at least a little attention,she got none.

sweet_summer wrote:

Can I ask something, is the topic about "Vietnamese wife" or "Vietnamese young wife"? Does the topic owner open to the idea of having a Vietnamese wife of 50 years old?

You know the answer;) There is exception here and there but majority of men over 50,60 don't even think of dating a Vietnamese girl over 40,let alone 50. If that was the case then why would they even go to SE Asia,they could as well find a western girl in west.

sweet_summer wrote:

memory8620 wrote:

I will say goodbye with a man who say to me " Why I have to provide your family, Why I have to pay for?? You can do it and You have ability to do it" => Trash him.. >"<

thanhmai296 wrote:

With me, I am a girl, and I have responsibility to make sure my family has a prosperous life because they was sacrifice for me too much.
Therefore, I really need my husband will care of them, of course, I also care of his family.

I understand and sympathy with this way of thinking. I think Thanh Mai is a very traditional Vietnamese girl. But my point of view is totally different. If you want your family to have a prosperous life, YOU will be the one who do it, YOU will be the one who provides for them. The husband has no responsibility whatsoever to provide for the whole family. All I expect from the husband is treating my family with kindness and respect, and giving helping hands here and there. But once you let the husband provide for the whole family, your life become dependent to the husband and you become a commodity, not a wife.

again,sweet_summer gave by far the most intelligent reply in this thread but completely ignored,not surprised though. Very rare to see a Vietnamese girl thinking this way and very refreshing.A Vietnamese that knows that as a daughters/sons it is our own responsibility to take care for our parents. I am not surprised that she lived outside of Vietnam to at least partiality get this mentality, actually doing something by her own to take care of her own parents.  Those "traditional" Vietnamese just love to offload the cost of taking care of parents to someone else - mostly the husband. Don't you love it how parents raised and took care for them and when it's time to pay back they simply marry some guy and offload it to husband? So memory8620 is offended if a husband wouldn't provide for her family even though she has ability to do so herself? A nice example of materialistic Vietnamese mentality and not taking responsibility where you should be taking it. Every expat who lived here for longer knows that Vietnamese are masters at not accepting their responsibilities despite culture putting so much importance on it. It's always other persons fault or responsibility. (Not admitting their own mistakes is one of the major complaints westerners have about Vietnamese). It's because of women like this that expats of any,including very old, age are so well sought here - you financially take care for me and my family and that's enough really. Would she be willing to financially take care for her husbands parents,send the money to them,take the money she wanted to give to her parent and give it to husbands parents? What would she think if the husband, who she thinks loves her, would dump her because she doesn't want to give the money to his parents? Girls like this are actually lucky that many (foreign,older) man are mostly after the (young) piece of ass because if men would think like they think these women would never be able to find a husband because in 99.999..% cases a Vietnamese girl is not financially helping a husband parents,especially if he is foreigner. Even more,she would probably get offended if he would ask. Talk about double standards (for the lack of real argument they usually blame it on culture or traditions). BTW,I am not against husband and wife helping parents but it should be mutual and children should know that it is their responsibility to take care for their own parents.

It is kinda sad that a girls with mentality like sweet_summer are such a rarity here.

To those saying that your girl loves you (no matter how old are you), there is a simple test: just deny or stop giving her money or paying this and that for her family and you'll see how much love is there. Yes, that includes the cases where she has enough money to take care for them and also in case she doesn't. You will quickly see if she loves you or she "loves" you (for  financially) taking care for her and her family. It is all well and nice because she and family are being taken care of. Stop it and see if you have a real love or girl like memory8620  ,who would immediately "thrash you" (as in: dump you)

So now you're scanning thru the archives looking for similar threads that you can bash young VN women for being with older men. You must really have a pathetic life to admonish the less fortunate. How is it you know so much on this subject when you profess to be in a robust and healthy marriage? Hmmmm!

So you now have come to the revelation that a VN woman earning 2-3M VND per month should in fact give up some of her income for the husband's family? If not then dump her right? And  that same scenario holds true for her to stay single and "take care of" her own family on that same salary. How preposterous is that? Even if she holds an MBA and works for a large company how much can she make? 10-15M VND? Soooo a retired expat say from America drawing 30M VND from social security plus investments and a pension should not contribute one thin dime to her family and according to you should in fact ask her for some of her income??? How ludicrous can you be?

There is exception here and there but majority of men over 50,60 don't even think of dating a Vietnamese girl over 40,let alone 50. If that was the case then why would they even go to SE Asia,they could as well find a western girl in west.

Well I'm 66 (Aussie) and my partner is 55 (Vietnamese) and I came to VN because of the cost of living.

I am an exception then....
Having a young girlfriend is not for me. I prefer to be with someone who I can relate to (as in age) and who likes similar things in life. She retires this year and we will be traveling and enjoying a bit of freedom.

Having said that, and we are well into our second year together, we still have issues around - language and culture. Message to Khan if you read this. These two things will stretch your resolve .. and I haven't yet meet an expat with a VN wife/partner that doesn't have problems in this area.

why not a partner from the west ... because I want to live in Vietnam ...

I did my own comparison study on woman from the USA and Vietnam. I am not going into detail about conclusions.  Enough to say I prefer Vietnamese.  Already talked about age difference, no need to go over it again.  I am a 53 year old man who enjoys all my interactions with the woman here.  Just be honest with yourself, your values, and the women you date.

So you now have come to the revelation that a VN woman earning 2-3M VND per month should in fact give up some of her income for the husband's family? If not then dump her right? And  that same scenario holds true for her to stay single and "take care of" her own family on that same salary. How preposterous is that? Even if she holds an MBA and works for a large company how much can she make? 10-15M VND? Soooo a retired expat say from America drawing 30M VND from social security plus investments and a pension should not contribute one thin dime to her family and according to you should in fact ask her for some of her income??? How ludicrous can you be?

I am not married,I have a western girlfriend for few years and I'm happy with her. I've been in SE Asia for over 15 years (long enough to see how things work here) and you do not need to be in unhealthy marriage to have a western values and mentality?!  You talk about values,preposterous,being pathetic yet here you are - instead of being with a woman your age and having fun with your sons and your grandchildren you are in SE Asia dating or being married to a girl that even your grandchildren could play with and call "em". Who is pathetic again?

No, expats actually never request that Vietnamese women pay for their parents and they would never dump them for not doing so. We do not put the importance of someone financially taking care of us or our parents before our love for our partner.

My point was to illustrate the harsh double standards some use. I am not against helping the parents but when someone has a mentality that it is husbands duty and responsibility to financially take care of HER parents,even if she has enough money while not doing the same for his parents then I think it needs o be pointed out. Saying that you should dump him if he doesn't agree or accept it is even worse. I am still of the age (and mentality) where I find this unacceptable condition and mentality when loving someone. If she is ready to dump me if refuse to pony up some $$ for her mother then what's the point?  That is why it was so refreshing to see sweet_summer mentality. Maybe I'll end up like you,man in 60ties spending my pension on some 20yrd old and her family in SE Asia and at that time I will not care about this anymore,as long as I get some young piece in the autumn of my life. Who knows, maybe I'll see the world with your eyes then and God knows for plenty of girls here this kind of mentality (I have good pension so why not?) is all they need

Citsym,you most definitively are exception to rule.A usual older guy here would make you to believe that a woman of your wives age  is jaded,not fun,not this and that and all the usual BS they say to excuse why they are with that young piece of ass.

ancientpathos wrote:

Just be honest with yourself, your values, and the women you date.

Well, this is the key why I even started responding here when stumbling on this forum. You will get all kinds of crappy excuses why men chase jail bait here from belittling older or western women to saying they are in SE Asia because of the nice people, scenery,culture and what not when in reality it has nothing to do with this,at least not so much that would make someone to move here,especially single older guys. BTW,just one question,not really for you, it is more of a rhetorical question: Would you still prefer Vietnamese women if young girls would not be so easily available or "bought" like in the west? If they had western dating standards but everything else just like they are now? Judging by what some guys write about mentality of Thai (or Vietnamese) girls I highly doubt it

If you looking for love and to be loved you should ignore those chika with that range of ages.
vietnamese gals in general,  less scammed compare to thai or philippines.
Thank's