Married to an Algerian woman

HI
Maybe I can explain. She is probably from a conservative family that doesnt want her to marry a non muslim man. The pressure on these women is incredible but true. Having kinds and not tell the family is extreme though. I have to say that s going a little far. But culture sometimes make you do the wrong choices.
I hope that explain a little what s happening
fm

Thanks for your explanation.  But assuming this is the case, how long is this going to go on for?  The children are already growing up.  Is she planning to leave the man once she gets her leave to remain I wonder?  Even if she does this, the children will still be with her.  How will she explain them to her family or another man?

i'll explane

she can't tell her familly because it's a big shame for algerian women to marry a foringner all the society familly will dislike her and may be her parents will catch desieses if they will hear abut her mariage and kids even if she is so happy with her life they won't accep her husband even if he will recover to islam,

My god it's a hard situation

Thanks emaa

Okay, I understand.  If I backtrack a bit, this girl has been married twice before, both to non-Algerian men.

It sounds like the family probably did not know about these marriages either, and the girl has just decided to live her life the way she wants to live.

As you say a hard situation - and I would therefore think deep down a very unhappy girl.

@ Megan & emaa

You are both absolutely right. Without beating around the bush, an Algerian woman simply CANNOT marry outside her religion. The practice is 100% disallowed; no ifs, no buts.

If she decides to rebel, she becomes an outcast and the only option for her is to live in exile for the rest of her life. This may be very hard for outsiders to comprehend, but to Algerians, just like incest,it is a line that must never be crossed [I know, the 2 things are not comparable, but in terms of level of seriousness in an Algerian context, they are].

I think her decision was foolish, knowing the consequences, and no one should waste their time feeling sorry for her. There is NO going back.

Thanks SensiblPal

That is very helpul.  It certainly explains her behaviour, and it now all makes perfect sense.

Best wishes

Meg

To steer the discussion away from this particular case, the real issue is:

Do mixed or inter-cultural marriages work?

Relationships are hard enough within the same culture, never mind the extra complications !

Well SensiblPal I think they can do.

I think the reason why they sometimes don't is that one or other party either does not realise the full ramifications of the other party's culture, or the other party sometimes does not realise what may be pertinent in this respect!

Of course sadly there are many people who marry for mercenary reasons, with one party being unaware of the 'hidden agenda' - this has to lead to heartache further along the line:

'or what wondrous webs we weave when first we practice to deceive'

Nevertheless they can and do flourish and survive.  It could be very exciting to become part of a new culture which is often far more sociable than one's own!

Very sensible comments Megan.

I agree with everything you said. It all boils down to vigilance / awareness & honesty. 'Hidden agendas' are spooky,for lack of better words. But, self deception can be just as perillous! Ah well, we all make mistakes, and I certainly have made mine, Sigh...

PS: Is the site experiencing a 'revival' or what? It seems boyant at the moment. [Well done Expat.com !]

SENSIBLPAL wrote:

PS: Is the site experiencing a 'revival' or what? It seems boyant at the moment. [Well done Expat.com !]

It's time to launch a few discussions, there are more participants these days

Wow, this sounds as good as a soap opera Megan!

I was right the first time, wasn't I? No one should waste tears over her. I won't mince my words this time. She's obviously behaving like a slag, and a callous, unfeeling, and calculating b...ch.

I worked with the Home Office and have never met an Algerian woman like her. She's on the road to self-destruction. As for her being out to get every penny she can get out of him, in agreement with your last but one sentence, the French say:

Un bien mal acquis ne profite jamais! [Ill gotten gains won't do anyone any good].

God help the poor child...

My friend was married to an algerian woman in a mosque - he pretended to be a muslim but he's in fact a seikh. They are now divorced but she is still extorting money from him. They have a 23 year old daughter who is a muslim and thinks her father is also. She's marrying a muslim in algeria quite soon, I doubt he knows her father's a seikh. I've told him to threaten to tell everyone in her family in Algeria what she's done if she doesn't stop demanding money, do you think it'll work?

It's simply not alowed in islam for a muslim women to marry a non muslim men as it is in the holy coran nothing to do with been conservative now that she is married to him and have kids,she must try to convert him to islam with allah (swt)will so they can live as one muslim family with the same belives and with the time her family will accept him and my allah (swt) will reward her inchaallah

Guys!Please write comments on my topic as well,however it is not exactly referring your theme.I love an algerian men from the bottom of my heart.I help him every way i can because he is very poor. Unfortunately he told me he just wants to marry a European for papers and then a religious algerian girl.Please do not stone me,I still love this person. So Algerian men prefer algerian women,and vice versa as I have read above..So there is not much chance for us outsiders?How to behave with an algerian men? what do they like?How can You get some respect but still keep fire with a religious guy?

On megan and sensipal!s cooment>
I have seen that algerians hold together in a foregin country at least so megan mazbe that is the reason why zou are getting this light comment from sensip.this women1s behaviours seems quite unacceptable to me.
Why can not do a women anything and a men everzthing,

why juge some one we'know nothing about?!
Whoe is anybody to tell right from wrong? It makes me crazy to read all this terms: wrong choices, unaaceptable, stupid behaviour,
What ever reasons she has, she does the best she knows and will lern from her experiences, in her own way en own rithm. And if she is unhappy, that is hard and tough enough without the jugement of outsiders or insiders.
Needless to remind anyone that plenty of marriages within the muslim or Algerian community are great failures on every level, statistics speak for them selves: one marriage on 3 ends up in a divorce, and...we don't know what happens within tht 2/3 others.
Let's just live our lives and help with what we can, the world will be so much lighter!

i think that to marry Algerian woman is the same hurd and a lot of problems, like to marry Egyptian))) and becouse Egyptians dream to marry Russian, becouse it s looks like easer way. But it s not true)))

That is a very scientific approach!

ismhmane enough of  spicy and judgy comments

please bear in mind that we are here to exchange wiews and express thoughts on a topic and not to practice our sarcasem to perfection

and ishmaNE try not to say what can or can not someone express:)we are not children playing on the palyground and you are not a kindergarten teacher, we are expressing a wiews as we see fit as free individuals do

Peace guys, peace !

hi every one.
never jugde a book by it cover, I do feel sorry for the girl without reading the full story, algerian  women on her own in the uk, she must be venrable and open to abuse,unsecurity, and other issues, its not easy to survive, I wish god will forgive her for what she did, but never ever judge or put a tag on someone, there is allways 2 storys for each side.

To Tizianagirl,
What I do in my coments about your coments is exactly what you do in your comentsand judgement about that girl, confronting isn't it?

Since you are such a good person and understands religion so well, you should know by now that one should not do to another what you don't want an other to do to you.
When you play kindergarden teatcher you wil find a kindergarden teatcher to teach you to, specially when you thought you have understood everything in life ;-) . We do have a lot to learn my freind!

menerville wrote:

hi every one.
never jugde a book by it cover, I do feel sorry for the girl without reading the full story, algerian  women on her own in the uk, she must be venrable and open to abuse,unsecurity, and other issues, its not easy to survive, I wish god will forgive her for what she did, but never ever judge or put a tag on someone, there is allways 2 storys for each side.

totally agrea with your point of view, as always there is 2 stories for each side and never ever people can know where is the truth!

Salam wa alaikum Akhwan & Hello to everyone else!
It's been a long time since I was on the site and so it's been interesting to read through this conversation and although no expert in Islamic Jurisprudence I would like to comment that if the woman in question is a practicing Muslim (5 Prayers a day/ Salah) then she should try to keep within the limits set by Allah/God (Subhana wa t'Allah) which I have no doubt does include the condition that men who are not Muslim are forbidden to her in regard to marriage. However, without being judgmental, we all make mistakes and no one can claim perfection (or anywhere near it), and I believe that at least she feels she is doing the right thing by not telling her family who would more than likely disown her. As I'm not in her predicament it's difficult to say what I would do but as a Muslim I refer to the Qur'aan and the Hadith (Traditions of Prophet Muhammad, Peace Be Upon Him, Sallalaho Alaihi wa Sallam) for verification. Muhammad PBUH, who was known among his people as the Honest since an early age, taught us to always tell the truth even if it is against yourself, he also said that he didn't think that a Muslim could lie, although confirmed that he/she could do all manner of forbidden deeds. Much harder to put into practice in this day and age when we are as prophesied weak in our faith. And, yes it's really a matter of faith, faith that by accepting Allah's guidance even against our own desires, ultimately we will be successful. Hope this helps a little, God Willing, In'sha'allah!

Just realised the start of this post dates back 5 years, Al Humdulillah!

emaa wrote:

i'll explane

she can't tell her familly because it's a big shame for algerian women to marry a foringner all the society familly will dislike her and may be her parents will catch desieses if they will hear abut her mariage and kids even if she is so happy with her life they won't accep her husband even if he will recover to islam,

My god it's a hard situation

I just wondered Emaa,
I am an Indian guy in a relationship with an Algerian, Kabyle woman for about 5 years.

She is afraid of her mother and family and I guess... society in general, she has not told them about me. We really want to marry.
How can we convince them?
Any help would be really appreciated . We are very sad about the situation
God bless