This is the season of Vietnamese wedding, where restaurants are full of wedding parties, so I thought I'd give some thoughts about it for those (un)lucky souls who get invited to a Vietnamese wedding party.
First of all, Vietnamese wedding party is huge compared to the ones you see in the West. It is a family business. An occasion to invite the parents' business contacts, neighbors, and of course, relatives.
It is a chance to show off one's status, especially if you/your parents are official big-shots. The bigger, the better. It got so out of hand so that the government officially puts an upper limit of 600 guests per wedding for government officials and relatives. It also forbids renting 5 star hotels and luxury resorts for the occasion.
Anyway, 300-500 guests are normal. Guests are seated around table of 10 (at least in the South). The party is normally 3-4 hours.
Normally, you'd have diverse "ceremonies": some old traditions like cutting the cake, holding speeches, some new traditions: pouring champagne over a tower of glasses, throwing the bouquet, and of course, singing the karaoke.
Smoking is not required. Tie and dress optional. Smart casual/business casual is normal.
Drinking is always heavy (especially in the rural areas).
Now, one important issue at last: how much to give as a gift? It depends on how much you know the pair or their family, how expensive the wedding. Not the least, your status as a foreigner would automatically result in expectation that you'd give more.
It is not common to give presents as in the West. Money is much more appreciated. I'd say that 1 million VND and upward is what you are expected to give attending a wedding in D1/D3 for a pair from "good" families (middle/upper middle income families). It can go up much more. I was advised to give as much as 500 USD when attending a close friend/relative's wedding.
The locals give 500 000 VND and upward.
Vietnamese wedding
Foreigners attending a Chinese shindig are expected to give about USD$50 (each).
You should ask for a 'Red Packet' in to which to place the NEW notes.
Often the donor of red packets is listed in a sheet and their list number written on the packet when it is received. Some weddings also involve armed courier guards to protect the money from robbery.
Funerals use 'White Packets', so don't use anything white in colour.
Try to get seated at a table with older people, they don't eat so much and don't be surprised when locals "doggy bag" food.
Jaitch wrote:Foreigners attending a Chinese shindig are expected to give about USD$50 (each).
That is consistent with what I wrote above: 1 million VND per person. Remember: it is the minimum amount. If you know the pair or their family well or if the place is a bit expensive, give more.
Jaitch wrote:You should ask for a 'Red Packet' in to which to place the NEW notes.
Often the donor of red packets is listed in a sheet and their list number written on the packet when it is received. Some weddings also involve armed courier guards to protect the money from robbery.
Funerals use 'White Packets', so don't use anything white in colour.
This is a Chinese customs only. The Vietnamese reuse/recycle the envelop in which the invitation was sent/wrapped. In that way, the pair and their family recognize immediately where the money come from. No need for new notes.
Jaitch wrote:Try to get seated at a table with older people, they don't eat so much and don't be surprised when locals "doggy bag" food.
For foreigners, the family is often sensitive to arrange you to seat next to someone able to speak English.
Concerning the doggy bag practice, it is not done in middle-class weddings, especially not in SGN since it would be considered very crude.
I heard that it is done up north in more rural settings or lower-class families, since they are more used to the prudent lifestyle and don't like waste.
The host family may consider take home some of the food unused (not leftover) after all the guests have left, but the guests should definitely not do so.
DO NOT wear BLACK clothings.
The older generation will be even unhappy if you paint your finger nails in BLACK.
hELLnoi wrote:DO NOT wear BLACK clothings.
The older generation will be even unhappy if you paint your finger nails in BLACK.
Don't think it is completely right. While black (or even white) has been traditionally considered unlucky, people nowadays don't associate much of it anymore (again, unless you live in rural settings or attend low-income wedding). If you have a nice smoking or expensive black dress, go ahead use it. If you drape yourself in black from black to toe in a wedding, then it may be weird (also in the West).
Black fingernails are frowned upon in all environments, anywhere, not only in Vietnamese weddings. If you are working in a professional setting in the US and have black fingernails, even your boss may not look at it kindly.
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