Is having an affair as an expat always inevitable?

It makes sense.  Someone cheated on them so it's easier to assume that everyone cheats.  If it's not everyone then it must be that someone specifically cheated on them.  It feels better to think everyone does it.

Good answer, however people that entered an exclusive relationship probably believed that is what they wanted at the time.
I know for a fact my husbands friend leads a completely double life because my husband has told me, he has what they call the girlfriend experience in Abu Dhabi paying someone to do everything he desires,in and out of bed. I am sure when he married and had kids he was intending to be exclusive, but temptation obviously got the better of him.
He obviously doesn't want his wife to know as he wants the best of both worlds and living so far apart gives him the opportunity to get away with it.

Hi.

I am a female who has lived and worked in Kazakhstan as an expat.

The experience was great but also left me with a very bad opinion of male expats.

I would say 95% of the men I've met that work abroad either have a permanent girlfriends or used the services of local prostitutes while they are working away. I've lost count of the number of people who have left their wives, broken up their families and wasted thousands of pounds on local girls. The local girls are throwing themselves at expats for the hope of expensive gifts at the least to the chance of marriage and a European passport.

You had the obvious prostitutes that circulate in the bars and make it very obvious what they're doing. These are used for a bit of weekend fun and a chance for the girls to make a fast buck. Then you have the less obvious 'office prostitutes'. They circulate the office seeing which expat is 'game', which expat will bring back little gifts from the UK and quite obviously enjoy their company. The local girls soon get to work and the shopping lists get bigger and more expensive. The girls will put out to any man with a big enough wallet whether they are 20 years old or 120 years old. They get given money, phones, iPad's, designer bags, shoes, clothes, holidays, perfume.......Anything they can get out of the expat. They then start the complete destruction of the family unit back home. The expat can't believe his luck when a 20 something girl wants to have sex with him everyday and will do anything for them, they think they have died and gone to heaven. The local girls will insist that the expat leaves his wife, his children, his ordinary life and start a full on relationship with them. I have known a few expats to refuse to finish with their partner back in the UK, so the local girl has got hold of the email address of the UK wife and told them what their husband has been up to and also sent explicit photo's of them with the husband to prove they are cheating.

The whole experience left a very bad taste in my mouth and I would never ever want my partner moving to another country to work without me.

I have also known of a few expats going home to see their wives and passing on a STD to them - what a lovely gift! 

There are a tiny number of men that don't go near the local girls, but a huge majority that do and it's a complete joke.

I can only tell you of my experience in Kazakhstan and I hope it helps.

Cambridge 77

I agree with your post. I have seen it time and time again, men have taken up with local women and in some instances had a child to them. One expat had a child to his girlfriend then left his wife and children in Australia to settle down with the girlfriend.

You are correct in saying that it is an ego boost when a 20 year old latches onto you, you are feeling lonely and perhaps a little vulnerable to her advances. 

In my 40+ years of living and working away from home, and a successful 20 year marriage, I have never cheated on my wife even when tempted. I value my wife and family and our relationship too highly.

Hi

It's great to hear from a faithful expat. My experience of working away gave me such a bad impression of expats. I couldn't believe how many men are happy to lead a double life or ruin the marriage and home life they have back in their home country.

I find it amazing how each expat that is playing away from home thinks that their girlfriend is different to all the others and they really are 'in love', it's very amusing and ridiculous.

If the wives/girlfriends were able to be a fly on the wall in the apartments and bars, they would split up with their partners in a heartbeat.

I'd love to be more positive, but unfortunately, I'm only positive that you and a handful of others are the only expats that stay loyal and faithful to their loved ones at home.

If it is only an affair than can be avoided but if it is something serious then can't be avoided..................
Still if someone is married and either of them is moving to another place alone is totaly depends upon how is the relationship in between them.........if there is any unsatisfied factor still works then definetly the chemistry of attraction towards unfulfilled things will arise and he or she may get distracted........human nature...........

Regards,
Anil

aryavrat wrote:

If it is only an affair than can be avoided but if it is something serious then can't be avoided..................
Still if someone is married and either of them is moving to another place alone is totaly depends upon how is the relationship in between them.........if there is any unsatisfied factor still works then definetly the chemistry of attraction towards unfulfilled things will arise and he or she may get distracted........human nature...........

Regards,
Anil

What you say is quite correct but serious things can be avoided by the offending party being strong and thinking things through before embarking on a rocky road.
To counter any potential for problems the key is communication and that is one of the reasons why  my marriage has lasted. Even in a place like Afghanistan I still manged to chat to family on a daily basis. Problems were discussed along with general chitchat.

I think it's a real shame that people can't respect their partners and honour their wedding vows. If there are problems with the marriage, I think trying to sort it out might be easier and more respectful than starting a relationship with someone else behind their partners back, lying, cheating and then justifying it by saying they are lonely, or it was too tempting or they weren't happy in their marriage, it's a joke.

Expats will always be tempted, cheat on their partners, get caught out by locals, get in trouble, lose money, break up families and probably end up old and very lonely.

This is only from my own personal experience of seeing this happen first hand and I'm just so very glad that I'm no longer an expat and don't have to be a part of that world anymore.

Just a couple of quick observations that I'd really like to make here...

The first one is that I think expat males as an entire group are getting an unnecessarily bad rap here for the actions of some. Yes, clearly some expat males cheat. What I really wonder is exactly how many of these same guys would have cheated had they remained in their own hometowns? Probably most, if not all of them I'd bet. I really don't think that being an expat is what makes them cheat, I think it's their own character flaws. Being an expat just makes it easier for them to try to justify.

The second observation (coming from a faithful male, who was once cheated on) I wonder why nobody here seems to think that expat females don't also cheat or that they cheat any less than the men do? I really think that female fidelity is also as effected by one's culture as is male fidelity. A recent study here in Brazil, for example, showed that Brazilian women are more likely to cheat than are Brazilian men. A rather shocking revelation considering the reputation that Brazilian men have for being womanizers!!!

Cheers,
William James Woodward, EB Experts Team

I agree with you Sir,that is the reason i replied in general terms means its one who wants to do wrong is already having that mentality or previous experiences of that type when he/she was in his/her own town.........and after becoming expat if they do the same things what is new.............And its a human nature if he/she is not fulfilled with something then the emptiness will push him/her to find it out..........and result will follows as accordingly..........

Regards,
Anil

I'm older than my husband by quite a good few years but never once have I ever been worried that he might have an affair. I know that the relationship we have is quite extraordinary & that we are 2 very lucky people to have found each other. I've never for one second doubted the love he has for me. I'll be leaving for Pakistan in 2 weeks time & it will be 14 months since we have been together . I haven't been tempted to stray. The thought has never entered my head. I'm sure your husband loves you for the wonderful woman that you are & to him you are the most beautiful woman alive..

Hope all the husbands and wives relationship should became like yours............and they trust each other.......and make wrong to this thread...........

Regards,
Anil

So having affairs and not sad is permitted as per you...........

it is true but dont dare do it or else ur life and other people's lives will be in hell!
been there and it will cost ur everything.its not gonna worth it! so dont ever try to even test the water..

Hey narz4u,

Infact in any case if you don't love someone should not carry on life with him/her.......so its better talk to your partner and get seperated and then go for what you are searching in your life................might be not hurt anyone and atleast you be in a safer and good position..........

Regards,
Anil

Cathy522008 wrote:

I'm older than my husband by quite a good few years but never once have I ever been worried that he might have an affair. I know that the relationship we have is quite extraordinary & that we are 2 very lucky people to have found each other. I've never for one second doubted the love he has for me. I'll be leaving for Pakistan in 2 weeks time & it will be 14 months since we have been together . I haven't been tempted to stray. The thought has never entered my head. I'm sure your husband loves you for the wonderful woman that you are & to him you are the most beautiful woman alive..

Hi lucky woman ! May god bless all women with luck like you !

I heard once in a 24 hrs may be for fraction of seconds what we say ...........it happens ......so wish to you that may God listen your wish and will.............All the Best All Well..............

All ex pat men are cheating in Kazakhstan
I am currently in a divorce settlement am loosing my home through these young girls my husband is 58 and took up with a 30 year old
He's fell in the trap and can stay in the trap unfortunately
It's costing me dearly

Hi I have experienced it with my husband and still going through it

There disgusting my husband has done it to me and ruined my life

Are you still out there

Any ex pat  wives out there want a chat whos husbands have cheated

Unfortunately in this world we are living in, relationships are just taken for granted. You wonder how a man can trust someone he just met over his wife of many years with whom he has shared many happy times with. Temptations will always be there but it is up to us to resist it.

It depends on the culture, traditions and morals of each country. The expat (husband)  has a favor, to  feel in  free from the  "Shame" in the new community, while the woman is in the pressure of shame and the communication at the same time. But  has and a secret life and  accepted  as long as the couple does not prejudice relations.
In this matter there is no gender equality, but the husband is privileged. Haaaaahaa!

As much said that cheating can only be done if one wants to, But ever heard,No man is infallible.. I have seen people of Great integrity fall and keep it secret how they fell. So many times this happens even when we love our family, now this isn't about me,pls but I am talking from friends older than me I hv looked up to share this dark side. Be careful to feel,what you have under strength,claiming you at the end. Its just Grace

This world is masculine and a smart woman need understand her husband and act with tolerance, with a commitment to its performance and  maximizes contact time with him. A error is error and need to act with tolerance. If have repentance has place and to forgive. While the secret life is other, is another contained, another meaning. Here  dealing with the impossibility of meeting the need for sex to partner and quietly has a deal. I feel well in  the cristian morality  and I am one such.

@pat1, Allow me to say this,All men cant be cheating out there,its so unfortunate your husband stayed put with this 30sometin year old girl,and cheated on you,bullshitting all the past years storms and glory together. Get strong,take a long walk and weep out your pains,look inside you and love the woman you are,trust me its not an easy road being single again but it gets easier wen you learn to forgive him to find your path faster

In the case of Pet 1 has a mistake in the selection of the boy with whom decides to marry. The way in which he presented  to us, he  has never been e good men. A good formed man can not behave so. So and Pet 1  is in fault. The marriage isn't only love, but a logical process. ( partners, parents,society, etc)

what u want to know?be specific?

sometimes...but it all depends on the individual.

I went to some meeting with my client and each time I saw new face. it can be either office staff, some are friend of friends or even worker. my clients some time gossip about new girl of this guy or that guy. guess what? they even have baby with their affair. of course some expat may live here for more than 10 years without any cheating or having an affair. for me, it is color of life. Not to trust someone 100% if you don't want to get hurt

Heavy topic, but I belive not all expat like that.

some expats are doing because of 1.flesh desire 2.partner is poor
@do u believe?take note (some )
GOD FEARING WIFE/HUSBAND CAN'T DO

Being in a good strong relationship, having daily contact with family wherever you are and being open and honest with your partner and you will not have a problem.
Take it from someone who has been travelling and working away from home for over 40 years often away for 6 months or more.

The one who is left behind is under the same "temptations" as much as the one who leaves.
If you both agree that there is nothing else to it but to satiate a BASIC physiological need, and you both understand your responsibilities, will it still be considered cheating? I am promoting honesty and VERY open communication for the partners here.
If you cannot fight temptation, dont get pregnant or get anyone pregnant, dont get or cause STD, and dont let it or the third party occupy all of your time, attention and money.

migzz wrote:

some expats are doing because of 1.flesh desire 2.partner is poor
@do u believe?take note (some )
GOD FEARING WIFE/HUSBAND CAN'T DO

Is this a haiku?  It's poetic either way.

Well the inevitable is always by virtue of lies in most cases, Tell me,Most expats here say,they are not married, they are divorced,all manners, it will be better in most cases to know that Real affair is quite far in this Land,its stroke is slim, so better getting duty on stand and face what we all came here to aspire for,except if you find the truthful one.

Yes, sure

Oops!😲personally. .I have known a few aussie at work and yes...a few of them had affair when they left their country without their spouse to work. .I guess the temptation, the loneliness lead them to the wrong path.
At least 2 of them eventually divorced. .😢