Kendra in Paris: « Getting married in France is relatively simple »

Why did you decide to move to France?

I initially moved here for a job, but when that didn't work out, I decided to stay and experience French culture and try to make the most of it, even after the unexpected circumstances with my job.

What surprised you the most in Paris?

Living here for a good chunk of time is not at all like being a tourist here. After the initial honeymoon phase of moving to Paris, reality set in and I realized that I would face a lot of challenges and difficulties. I also thought it would be easier to meet quality people (not just random guys looking for fun).

Did you face some difficulties to adapt to your host country (language, culture, do's and don'ts)?

I speak a fair amount of French, but my biggest challenge is actually understanding when other people speak! I am pretty fluent and quick when I speak, so when native French speakers listen to me, they assume that I understand everything they say. It is only when I stare back at them blankly after they have spoken, trying to figure out what they said, that they see that I didn't understand everything.
As for the culture, it wasn't such a big shock for me, as I had studied and interned here a few years ago. I still am always a bit confused when it comes to time and when to meet someone - as I am American, I am always either on time or early, but here, I often end up waiting 15 or 20 minutes for the other person to arrive.

Is it easy to meet new people in Paris? Any advice?

It is easy to meet foreign people if you put yourself out there. I think it is quite a challenge to meet French people, especially French women. French people seem to have their little groups of friends and it is very hard to be accepted into those groups. I do have some good French friends, but it definitely took time to develop these friendships.
As for advice, I would suggest joining expat groups on Facebook or using sites like Expat Blog. I always found it strange to meet people over the Internet, but hey, that's how I met my husband, so I guess it can work!

You indeed made a special encounter during your stay as you met your husband there. Is it then true that Paris is a romantic city?

Haha, well I wouldn't consider my husband to be the most romantic of men, but he does have his moments. I must admit that when he is romantic and I comment on his level of romance, he always winks and says something to the likes of, "Well, what do you expect? I am French".
There certainly are some romantic places in Paris - so many cafes, restaurants, bridges, parks - I feel like almost any old building or monument could be considered romantic! The famous cemetery Pere Lachaise is actually one of the spots I most like to take a walk around with my husband - it is very romantic in a strange (not spooky) way!

What are the formalities to get married in France?

It all depends on the country you are from, but in general, it is a lot of preparation of official documents. I went to the "mairie" of my arrondissement to find out what I needed a few months before we were actually married. I had to get my birth certificate from Wisconsin, then get it apostilled from the Wisconsin Secretary of State, then have it translated into French by an approved translator here in Paris. I went to the US Consulate to get both the 'certificat de celibat' and also 'certificat de coutume'. You need several pieces of evidence to prove your residence - gas and electricity bills, 'certificat d'hebergement', maybe even insurance papers or bank statements. You and your future spouse will also fill out forms with information about yourselves and your parents, and another form with information about your witnesses. You will need photocopies of your and your spouse's ID, as well as the IDs of your witnesses. There is a lot of paperwork to prepare - it seems like an easy process if both people are French, but when one is foreign, it seems to get a bit more complicated.

What does a typical day as an expat in Paris look like?

You gather all of the paperwork and then go to the "mairie". Hopefully you will have everything and they can process it quickly. Once processed, they will publish the 'banns', which need to be posted for ten days. After the ten days have passed, you can return to the "mairie" to choose a date to be married.
On the date of the marriage, you arrive maybe 15 or 20 minutes in advance of your scheduled time - your witnesses must also be there in advance. The process at the "mairie" is very short - maybe a maximum of 30 minutes from the time we were ushered in, got married, and then left after having stopped for a lot of photos along the way. Everyone (spouses and witnesses) will need their original form of ID on the day of the marriage.
My husband and I did a very simple marriage at the "mairie", followed by cake and champagne at our apartment. We will do a larger party later this summer with our French friends and family, and then probably another party next summer in America for my family and friends back home. Getting married in France is relatively simple. The difficult part about getting married here is just all of the paperwork - I was told different things on different occasions regarding what documents I needed - I had to make two trips to the US Consulate, as I was told wrong information during my first trip to the "mairie". It certainly helps to read forums online and gather as much information as you can - it also is helpful to talk to someone who has gone through this process. Make a copy of everything to keep for your own records, and also make a copy of everything for when you go to the "mairie" - you never know when they will ask you for extra copies of certain documents.
We are not doing a religious ceremony, but I know that if you do any sort of religious or symbolic ceremony, you must have been legally married at the "mairie" first.

It is just kind of like a typical day in any other city or town. I don't eat croissants for breakfast everyday (sometimes I do - there is a great bakery on our street!), I don't go to the Eiffel Tower and watch it twinkle every night (although I can see it twinkle from our apartment!), and I don't ever wear a beret! I have lived in Asia and America, as well, so perhaps the pace of life and the concept of time are a bit different. Asia seems so much faster. Americans eat meals earlier and usually faster. Things do seem somewhat slower here - meals are always eaten a bit late and seem to take longer than they would in other countries.

Which advice would you give to people wishing to settle in Paris?

Realize that you are not going to be an eternal tourist and that you will have many moments of frustration. And... Paris is EXPENSIVE! If you have a ton of money, come on over - this is a really fun city if you have the cash and can afford to go out all the time. If you don't have deep pockets, however, you will probably struggle - you will become very creative and figure out how to have fun on the cheap! Prepare yourself for the run-around that is French bureaucracy and also to ask questions, be directed to another office, ask another question, be directed to another office, etc. Paris is a beautiful city to visit, but if you wish to live here, you will get over the tourist phase very quickly.